Month: March 2017

After a solid 5-1 win against Old Salesians the week before, the 6s had no reason to think the rematch would derail their bid for promotion at all. Kev, in a slightly negative headspace given Arsenal’s appalling result in the buildup, muttered something about expecting to lose our game as well. It was generally laughed off. Who knew that his words would be so prophetic.

The main excitement in the minutes leading up to kickoff was whether Fitzy, parachuted in as cover for Swanny, would make it on time. Swanny had actually come along to watch, but, at 2:25, was told to get changed. But as he reached for Matt’s extra small shirt and well-travelled gloves, Fitzy appeared on the horizon, bounding in on his bike like the Messiah. Back to the stands for Swanny, then.

Onto the game, and Merton faced the kickoff, and were playing against a stiff breeze first half. It felt as though it would be a tall order to keep the oppo out against such elements, but Merton were actually the better team. George and Callum were the architects of most things good, and the chances began to come thick and fast.

However, despite a number of goalmouth scrambles, Merton just couldn’t find a way through, and were guilty of profligacy in front of goal. Credit must also go to their keeper though, who pulled off some superb saves, one of them an absolute blinder from point blank from the boot of Callum.

At the other end, there were a few shanked clearances, misjudged headers and hairy moments, but generally the Yellows had the oppo under control. Fitzy was coming off his line with aplomb, and spreading confidence through the back four. Matt was also a rock at right back, and provided a good link down the channels on that side of the pitch too.

The half time whistle eventually went. In truth, Merton should have been at least one or two goals up, given the chances they had. And even though Salesians had looked threatening at times, it was hard to recall them having any clear-cut chances. Anyway, with the wind now at their backs, Merton had every reason to feel expectant that the goal would now come.

But when the game kicked off, it was actually Salesians who seized the initiative. Merton were struggling to string together two passes, some awful long shots ensued when they did, and the nadir of it all came as an argument raged about the formation after a substitution. 4-4-2!!!! 4-3-3!!!! What the hell were we playing? It was quite incredible – the bitching continued for a good three or four minutes, all while play continued.

But things eventually settled down, and once it did, Merton showed their dominance once again. They were beginning to carve out genuine chances, the most straightforward of which fell to Pete, who was unfortunate to see his free header go just wide.

A moment of controversy followed soon after, as Ty lined up a free kick in a good position. His strike was pure, and the keeper appeared wrong footed. But one of the men in the wall stuck out a blatant arm to block what would have been a sure-fire goal, and the ref, who was watching the line rather than the game, somehow kept his whistle in his pocket when a stonewall penalty was merited.

Nevertheless, Merton shrugged it off. They were in control of this game, weren’t they? Salesians still hadn’t even managed to create a genuine chance.

Cue the calamity.

Perhaps a little over ambitious in attack, Merton got caught on the counter, and faced a 3 on 2 overlap at the back. Beans did pretty well to shepherd their striker to the byline, but he managed to get a menacing cross in nonetheless. But, even with a man behind him ready to pounce, there can be no excuse for the “clearance” Mike put it in. A semi shank was enough to send the onion bag bulging, and with just 5 or so minutes remaining, an unforced error now meant Merton were 1-0 down. It was hard to comprehend.

They pored forward in their droves in the final few minutes, adopting what appeared to be a 2-5-3 formation. And in the dying seconds, George found himself one on one with the keeper (albeit with a defender closing him down from the side). But alas, the keeper once again thwarted him brilliantly, and, much to the immense frustration of the Yellows, the final whistle followed soon after.

Disappointing to drop points in such a fashion in the race for promotion. Especially against a team which had barely managed a shot on target. Missed chances were costly, not to mention a stonewall penalty not given, but ultimately it was the own goal which decided it. A double header next week to get things back on track. Here’s to six points on Saturday lads. Beers on me at the Hood next time!

Team: Darren Fitzgerald (GK), Kevin Locke (c), Adam Prior, Mike Todt, Matt Haswell, Ty Fuller, Lee, Callum Fisher, George Brobbey, Trey Mambeko, Pete Obeng-Adu
Subs: Dan Plaistow, Paul Onomor, George Hall
MOTM: George Brobbey
DOTD: A slam dunk – Mike wins it at a canter

Merton kept their mid table hopes alive after they punctured Hanworth’s promotion ambitions with a very fair draw.

The yellows came devastatingly close to a win when Marcin’s penalty was saved and Sam’s shot was blocked, however Hanworth looked more dangerous and threatened Merton’s goal many times. Brad, the reds striker, caused the Merton defence problems but none too big that couldn’t be dealt with. George and tommy both pulled off some great saves and the back line for Merton was very organised, just like Hanworth’s.

The first half was quiet and George only had to make one save. Hanworth looked more likely to score but Merton held out till half time and made a goalkeeper change. Jake came to centre-back and tommy moved in goal. Number 4 for Hanworth ruled the centre of the pitch and, although Merton’s midfield had to work hard they were definitely the better team.

The result at Hanworth finished 4-1 to 3^rd placed team and without a doubt they travelled to Joseph Hood expecting a win. Darren and, step in manager, Glen helped Merton very much to the result and it was definitely one of the best games they have played all season.

Hanworth played well and kept the back line strong but just couldn’t find the back of the net. Their closest chance was when Brad was let through but was denied by a brilliant save from tommy.

After the draw Hanworth lie comfortably 3^rd, only one point behind Bedfont but have played 3 more games. Promotion looks unlikely as the reds only have one game left and it’s against Kingstonians. Overall it has been a positive season for Hanworth, only losing 3 out of 19 games.

On the other hand, Merton have had a mixed season losing 50% of games and only winning 31%. However it’s understandable as the team has been together for only one year. Merton face Met police, Brockham, Hampton and Whitton for their last remaining games. With a win out of all four they could potentially move up to 5^th, depending on Kingstonians results.

Man of the match was between Jamie Esteban, who was the main part Merton kept a clean sheet, and George Brown, who played for the first time in right attacking mid and gave the yellows a massive boost up front.

HSBC away, 11.03.2017

1-1

A game likely enjoyed by the braying twits in club ties cheering on the home side for the occasional malice exhibited by the hosts was a satisfactory occasion for the visitors in yellow, too, thanks to a hard-earned point. 

Proceedings quickly settled into a pattern of HSBC possession and Merton chances on the break. The Will Low/Wilgo combo typically broke play up. Ivan, as the third man in the middle, had his tail up and passing radar on high alert. His early pass gave Jonny a chance with which he shaved the post. 

It was simple, direct, decisive stuff. Shame Rat wanted no further part in it after 10 minutes, shuffling off for lunch while complaining about a twisted ankle. 

The Charlie Hockless penalty that gave Merton the lead might seem simple enough, too. In reality, his spot-kick was the decisive blow in an episode of physical and psychological warfare. First, after good work down the right from Jonny Graham, Charlie scrapped with defender and goalkeeper – and was eventually hauled down – to win his chance from 12 yards. He then had to retrieve the ball from somewhere in New Beckenham while fielding less-than-sporting posers from the less-than-sporting posers in red. “Don’t overthink it,” was among the advice doled out. Our boy didn’t. 1-0. 

If it was a game of tireless running from the front three, then that was reflected by the industry from the back four. Conor and Joe Grew on either flank impressed, the latter deservedly winning MotM. 

Browner and Clappers needed to be a muscular presence. They delivered. Silly Browner had such a good time he even forgot to EG his post-match tequila. 

Siri makes a habit of making saves he has no right to. This one was up there with his finest this season. A low ball drilled along the edge of the six-yard box from the left was intercepted by Willy Low’s outstretched foot, but Merton’s midfield engine could only direct it towards his own goal. One of HSBC’s shrieking forwards was already celebrating as Siri threw himself down low to his right, his impossibly-extended paw scraping the ball out for a corner. 

HSBC equalised from a low corner midway through the second half. That aside, the Merton wall stood firm. The midfield even won the majority of their headers, despite Clappers’ early (“reverse psychology”) predictions.

Tom Rowe ran himself into the ground for little reward. Milo looked bright on his introduction from the bench. The game remained an energetic encounter that became stretched. 

Charlie didn’t quite his feet right when presented with a good chance to grab a second after a Wilgo flick-on. Then Vanny could have won it, galloping through beyond the last man, only to misjudge his attempted lob. 

That was enough to bag him DotD, despite his otherwise stellar performance and Tom Rowe asking whether one needed an HSBC current account to play for the team. Marvellous scenes, truly. 

Siri (GK), Conor Murphy, Clappers (c), Peter Brown, Rat (Joe Grew), Will Low, Wilgo, Ivan, Tom Rowe (James Laughton), Jonny Graham (Milo), Charlie

Written by Wilgo

NAME: Jason Thomas

TEAM: 2s

POSITION: Centre Forward (occasional Centre Half)

BIRTH DATE: a while back

BIRTH PLACE: Kent

PREVIOUS CLUBS: Tynecastle Star (Edinburgh), FC La Sagne (Switzerland)

1. Tell us who you are outside of the club. What do you do, how would you describe yourself?  I’m a teacher of English to speakers of other languages and a part-time actor.

2. What was most memorable moment in your MFC career till now? “Playing” in 30 degree heat and totally hungover in Portugal and hallucinating that Woody scored from the halfway line.

3. What is your favourite quote? The lowest one

4. Tell us something about yourself that most of us at the club probably aren’t aware of… I have worked as a professional Santa for the last four Christmases

5. Ask a friend for a reference and post their response of you – can be a family member, friend or teammate (E.G: “He’s a lovely boy” – Mom)

6. Lastly, share with us your goals/expectations for the season…

Coming through unscathed

RAPID FIRE:

Player of the season (at Merton): Pearcey for the 2s

Favourite team in the UK: Norwich City

Favourite team outside the UK: Neuchatel Xamax

Childhood hero: Rupert the Bear

Favourite word: holidays

Favourite band: Crowded House

Favourite food: Indian

Dream job: Actor/Singer in the West End

Saturday saw us push for promotion against our near neighbours. With some bruised and battered from the previous weekend and unavailabilities, the 6s managed to remain strong with the aid of DQ, Ackers and Mustard coming in, the latter arriving pitch side 10 minutes before the start as he found it difficult leaving his beloved East London, resulting in a 3 hour journey.
Back to the game, with a 4-3-3 formation the opening exchanges showed this will be a good, fair and difficult match. Kevin thought he would try and take out their pacey right winger as soon as the game had kicked off, suppose that was the closest he was gonna get to him all game!
Callum was turning out to be a good out ball and had their left back and the rest of the defence on the back foot and linked up well with Pete and Trey. Between the three of them and the help of some intelligent passing from the midfield, we were slowly turning the screw and eventually got a deserved lead. A cross from the right lead to the ball dropping to the feet of Trey, who gladly tapped into an empty night.
With chances coming more often but not being taken, Old Salesians managed to win the ball in midfield and with their forward holding the ball up and shielding it just inside the area, Beans decided he would follow Kevin’s lead and swipe at the forward’s leg with the ball 2 yards away from him leaving the ref no option but to point to the spot. Most penalty takers have a bit of nerves before taking it, but if you have to take a pen against Swanny, there’s nothing to worry about. There’s reading the penalty and there’s Swanny’s idea of reading a penalty… before the oppo player had started to run up to the ball, Swanny decided to run off to the left post, leaving the rest of the goal to the roll the ball into to make it all square.
The rest of the half looked like it was going to see the teams go in on terms, but Pete had other ideas and knocked in from close range for Merton to regain the lead.
Mustard came on for Paul midway through and was in the action straight away by giving a free-kick away, calling for him to subbed by the Ram 🙂
Merton carried on creating more chances and possibly the miss of the season, from a corner from Ty, Chappell managed to get his head to the ball from below his waist from a yard out to somehow head over the bar! Thankfully, a few minutes later Trey showed off his skill by finding the bottom left corner from the angle by managing to score from a dropping ball which rolled down his thigh, knee, shin to bobble past their step-in goalie (lucky he was the shortest player on the pitch).
The second half saw DQ replace Trey and Ram with George H. Old Salesians started the half on the front foot and kept Merton honest and ensuring that the game was far from over. Merton were now struggling to keep hold of the ball and the back line were working harder to ensure that shots on goal were kept to distance, with Swanny making a good save diving to his right to tip the ball around the post.
Chappell was now taking corners as Ty’s calves, hamstrings and other body parts gave in and was replaced by Paul and thought he would test the oppo’s sub keeper and found his attempt coming off the far post but no one to tuck the ball home. Ackers and DQ were now linking up well, and the latter increased our lead after Paul decided scoring easy goals was not for him again. This brought a sense of relief and calmness to proceedings and was most important goal to put the game to bed despite Old Salesians spirited second half display.
Ackers put the final nail in the coffin with a shot from the edge of the area and added the extra coat of gloss on the score that was fully deserved from an all round good team performance.
With five games to go, promotion is in our own hands and to play a double header against our closest rivals Civil Service in a couple of weeks, we can go a step closer this weekend with 3 points!

Team: Swann, George H, Beans, Chappell, Kevin, Paul, Ty, Ackers, Callum, Pete, Trey
Subs: DQ, Ram, Mustard

Man of the Match: this goes to Callum as he constantly tormented their defenders.

Dick of the Day: A majority vote sees Chappell win it (is it a victory?) for his glaring miss from a yard.

Report by: Ram

It was a warm, Saturday day, and we arrived to Wimbledon Common Extensions two hours early confident of a good performance & a much needed 3 points to keep us in a strong position for promotion. But this confidence soon turned to confusion, as rumour had it we were employing a 3-5-2 formation [or 5-3-1 – still not too sure]! Ensue panic that hasn’t been seen before since the Cuban Missile Crisis of 1962 when the world thought we were entering into nuclear war [I remember those days well]. This was only intensified by the lack of Clive, our motivational speaker who doesn’t fail to jeer us up. Luckily, we were able to get him on loudspeaker, so at least that crisis was averted, but trying to explain each player’s roles was still proving to be difficult. And you thought Brexit negotiations would be difficult Mrs May – just come and try explain to Merton 5s how we’re playing the 3-2-3-1-1 for next week!

Luckily, we had a shepherd to heard the headless sheep, with Dwayne taking up the mantra and being our very own Mourinho for the day. One by one, he went through our roles with us until we all knew what we were doing.

The first 45 minutes was a tight affair, with Merton just about creating the better chances. A ball whipped into the box by the charming & handsome left wing back was only very narrowly missed by the desperate lunge of Gibbo and the long outstretched leg of our defensive midfielder Bambi [they can be forgiven for not expecting a good ball in]! We were winning the right hand side of the pitch too, with Delman, Tigs, Ackers and  Tom combining well to get us up the pitch and start feeding Gibbo and Dulanjie – one of the promising moves resulting in a shot from outside the box from Tigs! He must have seen a dropbear in the distance that put him off because the shot was scuffed and went wide of the goal. The best chance of the half by far, though, was when Dulanjie was put clean through. He raced onto the through ball, leaving defenders trailing in his wake, and approached the goalkeeper. It was a firm strike that was heading into the corner of the goal, however the keeper instinctively stuck a leg out to deflect the ball away from danger. Terrific save and we went in at 0-0.

Dwayninho’s half time team talk was largely positive, and we knew we had to keep the pressure on straightaway. That, we did. We had two great chances not long after the break, and the first fell to Gibbo. Played through, he was 1 on 1 from the keeper from outside the box. He rifled it, however the keeper was well positioned. The rebound fell to him, and he rifled it again – this time a defender had got round to just about deflect the effort over the bar. Unlucky from the big Welshman – it will come I promise!

Not long after, the 5s found ourselves 1-0 up. The lively & energetic Delman burst forward with an aggressive run, and swung a delightful ball into the box. It fooled the keeper who came out to collect but missed it, and hit Dulanjie to bobble into the net. None of us knew what part of his appendage he swung at it – I will leave that for the readers to determine – but whatever part it was he did well to get it up by his head to whack the ball in. A deserved goal for D who had been threatening throughout.

We had a couple of chances to go 2 up; however it just didn’t seem to want to go in for us. Samurai Steve made a great early run into the box and a better ball would have seen him clean through. Dulanjie and Gibbo had a half chance each, however we were largely defending – but defending well. It wouldn’t be a Merton 5s game without at least a couple of injuries, and injuries to Lenners in the first half and myself in the second meant our back 3 [or 5, or 7 depending on what way you look at it] was much-changed. Mike slotted into Centre Back expertly and was doing a gooda job at being Lenners with the exception of shouting a lot and swearing at the ref, Steve was as solid as ever and absolutely nothing was getting past him, and Darren was winning everything in the air. It looked like Delman was tiring after 70 mins, but he still kept somehow going and he defended superbly well when we needed him to. And Dan, who replaced me at left wing back, matched their tricky winger stride for stride despite the unfamiliarity of the position! Tigs was our little Ngolo Kante in the middle with Tom and Steve battling hard to ease the pressure on the defence. Sam had to come to the rescue once or twice, and pulled a couple of good saves out the bag, but it was quite comfortable and we saw out the game with a 1-0 lead.

It wasn’t just the first half – our defence was solid throughout and the clean sheet was very well deserved. Ackers, Dulanjie and Gibbo, as well as Delman on our right, caused real problems for Old Wilsonians with their pace and power, and we could have scored more. Lenners does a brilliant job in there for us and it was a shame to lose him to injury in the first half, and as mentioned the three subs more than proved their worth. MoM was a difficult one due to everyone playing very well, however Tigs was just absolutely everywhere across the midfield, not giving them a sniff. He linked up play well and deserves his MoM award.

Naked Lee Time then ensued, with shirts & appendages swinging all over the place. Is winning really worth that much, I find myself asking? Yes – but just about.

Doverhouse vs Merton

Merton ended their poor run of form after a comfortable 3-1 win against Doverhouse. The weather conditions were hard to play in because of the rain and the muddy pitches. However, Marcin managed to score two great goals before the break to put Merton in the driving seat. 

The 5-0 defeat for Doverhouse, last time, already put pressure on them and going 2-0 down in the first 30 minutes didn’t help them. 

Merton knew this was a very important game because if they lost it then the yellows would be facing a big fight to stay up. Therefore they hard to turn up with the right attitude and prove how good they were. Tommy had a relaxed game also due to Dan and Darren’sside being much better defensively.

Although there were 3 goals scored, Merton’sattack still had room for improvement and their midfield had to be worked on. Many chances were missed in the second half and Doverhouse were lucky it wasn’t double figures. Sam made it three with a good finish, cutting in and smashing it past the goalkeeper, bottom left.

Doverhouse got a goal back, down to poor Merton defending, but there was no hope. The weaker team just couldn’t hold onto the ball for long enough and kept giving the ball away.

For both teams there were things to work on and the play could have been better. The win leaves Merton 8th in the league only 2 points behind 6th and with one game in hand. There is hope for the yellows to finish mid-table but with some hard games coming up there is aneed to improve all around. They face Hanworth next week, a vital game that could potentially move them up to 6th.

However it’s all bad for Doverhouse who are definitely relegated to division 2. The pinks are last in the league and 7 points behind second to bottom, Brockham. Doverhouse could get their second win of the season if they beat Brockham on Sunday.

Finally, man of the match was Marcin, the Merton striker who was outstanding and scored 2 fantastic goals.

NAME: Steve Harvey

TEAM: 5s

POSITION: CM

BIRTH DATE: 16/04/1988

BIRTH PLACE: London

PREVIOUS CLUBS: Southbank, Manor Park, Cheam

1.    Tell us who you are outside of the club. What do you do, how would you describe yourself?

Outside the club I’m a self employed plumber who loves a drink and helping others to fulfill their drinking potential.

2. How did you end up at Merton FC?

Last year Scott Shew kept mentioning Mertons pre season so I thought I’d come down and see what it was like! Loved pre season, had such a laugh with the boys and enjoyed the orginisation. Haven’t looked back since!

3. What was your best moment in your MFC career till now?

Beating Actonians 5-2 before Christmas. We lost the first half 0-1 after a lackluster performance. We all got a serious bollocking at half time and we won the 2^nd half 5-1. Amazing closing down and play from the boys!

4. If you could play for a professional team, which would be it and why?

I’ve got to go with Real Madrid. The Santiago Bernabeu is a monster of a home ground and they play beautiful football with a killer instinct to cap it off!

5. Do you have any pre-match rituals or superstitions?

No superstitions but pre match rituals are to get in the changing room with the lads, putting some loud music on, singing Dwayne happy birthday and roasting eachother!

6. Lastly, share us your goals/expectations for the season.

Goals for this season are to help the 5s finish as high as possible. Every game is a cup final from here to secure promotion!

RAPID FIRE:

Player of the season (at Merton, or in professional football):

Merton- Delman(The White Kenyan) PL- Kante

Childhood Team: Chelsea

Favourite team in the UK: Chelsea

Favourite team outside the UK: Real Madrid

Childhood Hero: Gianfranco Zola!

Favourite Food: Chinese

Favourite Drink: Jaeger Bomb!

Favourite Band: Cant choose between Steps and Hear’Say

NAME: Daniel Rist

TEAM: Merton 3’s

POSITION: Right Back

BIRTH DATE: 30^th September

BIRTH PLACE: Royal Leamington Spa

PREVIOUS CLUBS: Racing Club Warwick, Southam United and Coventry United

1. Tell us who you are outside of the club. What do you do, how would you describe yourself?

Away from Merton, I work in an Investment Bank for Societe Generale as a Recruiter…it’s really as boring as it sounds!

Away from work, I’ll either be making use of my 50% discount at Dominos, getting drunk after two pints or watching some type of sport.   

2. What was most memorable moment in your MFC career till now?

I have a couple:

–      Scoring from the half way line, bar and in….can I still talk about this? The game at this point was pretty much over, so I closed my eyes and took a shot/cross, next thing I knew I had Big Mike jumping on me.

–      Falling asleep in my car while putting my football bag away after the Christmas Party. Waking up at 4.00am after being sick….flipping EG rules!

–      Other than that, it would either be watching Neil Davidson playing centre half (not pretty…) or seeing Vinny getting done for pace and then pretending to be injured.    

3. What is your favourite quote?

It’s a tossup between Michael Scott (US Office fans will understand), “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.”, or from Merton’s very own Frankie, possibly the angriest man in football! Who on about 6 occasions has shouted, “Get the F**K out the way Ref”, truly unforgettable!

4. Tell us something about yourself that most of us at the club probably aren’t aware of…

I’m Dan Rist and I play for the Merton 3’s J

5. Ask a friend for a reference and post their response of you – can be a family member, friend or teammate (E.G: “He’s a lovely boy” – Mom)

“He’s pretty much perfect in every way, looks, football, on the pull, everything. He’s my role model; I just wish that one day I grow up exactly like him!” – Glenn Pitmann after a few WKD’s.   

6. Lastly, share with us your goals/expectations for the season…

As the season is over we turn our focus to the SAL Spring/Summer Cup. It would be brilliant to get some revenge against some of the teams we lost too. We ended the season on a couple of wins so a continuation of that would be lovely! Love a good cup final….too much to ask for? 

RAPID FIRE:

Player of the season (at Merton): Dan B – the guy is a beast in the sticks.

Favourite team in the UK: Man UTD

Favourite team outside the UK: Dortmund

Childhood hero: David Beckham

Favourite word: F**k – Sums up every emotion.

Favourite band: Oasis

Favourite food: Anything that’s bad for you. Dominos

Dream job: Karl Pilkington’s best mate.