Normal morning wake up call met the boars group chat this week with Mustards very burnt toast being included in his pre match prep. Also the very eagle eyed Neal spotting the absence of last weeks match report from the merton way. Guess that’s another thing that managed to slip through Dan Bridgeman’s fingers last week. I believe in ‘Karma’, what goes around, comes around…until it’s your turn for it to strike.

This weeks music theme “greatest karaoke songs” chosen by Neal, last weeks M.o.M. Looking for a good ole’ sing-along this week. 

Music rings around the changing room. Fitz walks in, being asked by the very inquisitive Mustard. “What time do you call this?” Fitz late, Glenn later and ‘where’s Darcy?’ Sounded out around the changing room. Ah yes! Late again. With yet another shit excuse. 

Out onto the pitch we went…goals carried out, warm up complete, match tactics discussed. A strong boars squad this week along with the new addition to the boars Milo. 3-5-2 was the set up. Fitz in goal. Vin, lofty and stone made up the back 3. Glenn and Neal held the wingback positions. Mustard, Dan and Mario in the middle. Benham and Denys up top. ‘Solid’ was the cries. 

Kickoff. As the ball broke down our left. Lofty cleared the ball via what seemed a deflection, or so we thought. The ref decided otherwise. The OPK’s throw was taken neatly, which couldn’t be said for his counterpart on the other wing, who had clearly been attending the same foul throw in classes in Fairlop as Mustard, yet none were penalised. Ball broke through kindly for OPK’s. A neat cut back and tap in into the roof of the net. 0-1. 

Merton started to find some good passes and what seemed like a heavy touch from Mustard led to a quick bit of thinking by Mario, playing it back to Mustard, who drove a shot towards goal. Keeper parried, but only for Tom to pounce and slot home the rebound. 1-1. 

From what seemed like a hopeless ball forward. Vin found himself chasing down the ball and being chased himself. “See it out” the cry. Nah I’ll pass it back to the keeper even though it was practically out for a throw in anyway. Fitz dealt with it somewhat initially, you’d have thought so anyway. A good first touch by their number 8 as he then unleashed a volley a good 30 odd yards out which looped over Fitz. 1-2. 

Once again Merton were putting together some good passages of play. Space was starting to be found. Stone see Glenn out left and found him with a quick switch of play. Glenn took on his man down the line and whipped in a peach of a cross to the back sticks. Dan opted for the volley and rightly so. Bottom bins. 2-2. 

Boars we’re starting to find their feet. A corner being won from yet more good play. However a wayward header sent OPK’s away on the counter. As the ball was sent over the top. Offside seemed to be in the wings after some good line keeping from lofty. However out of nowhere came their number 10. It’s now 2v1 on Fitz. Not quite the way he’d expect to be against one of those scenarios. A cracking shot into the top right corner. 2-3. Half time. 

Team talk began with a barrow of comments. Fitz, mustard and lofty attempting to change the line up for the 2nd half. Denys injured from the 1st half, Jamie already being introduced. A chance for Darcy (who was Dropped from the original starting 11 for being ridiculously late due to yet again, another wardrobe malfunction) and Emilio to also be thrown into the fold. Boars now lining up in a 4-3-3 formation. Neal, Stone, Vin and Glenn the back 4. Mustard, Mario and Darcy. Emilio, Tom and Jamie up top. 

The boars started the 2nd half brightly and looked dangerous down the left hand side, with Glenn and Milo offering the legs and pace to threaten most right backs. OPK’s pressured early on and won a corner, which was whipped in towards the back post. As the attacker was climbing all over the back of Stone. No free kick. It ricocheted and dropped kindly to Number 8 who hit the bar with a header before following up to poke the ball past Fitz. 2-4. 

In typical fashion, the boars dug deep and carried on playing some good football, sometimes overplaying it too much. Ball was sent long over the top, Neal covering, got the call from Fitz, who was coming to collect. Except the ball was never making it back. Neal had to  head it on back and spinned off. Looking for what should have been a simple roll out. Fitz carried on the curse, and probably for the one and only time this season seemed to be ahead of play and was too close to Neal. Fitz fumbled it and somehow nutmegged himself. Tap in for OPK’s. Funny thing was. I had no idea what had just happened but I remember mumbling Meg-nuts to myself. 2-5. 

Some good play in the middle, along with a good run from Milo followed up with the determination to set Tom away to finish neatly led to the boars 3rd and final goal. Tom’s 2nd. 3-5. 

OPK’s were piling on the pressure and were breaking in numbers as the boars tried to claw back the cup tie. A 3 on 2 attack led to a good left handed save from Fitz down sharply. “How did he save that?” Was the cry from the shooter. I’m not too sure I knew either, after the 1st blunder that led to the last goal. 

With the boars seemingly getting another foothold in the game came the biggest howler of them all. A quick break from OPK’s and what seemed like a tame and comfortable shot to take. Come a move straight from Army camp. The throw as you roll. Fitz caught the ball but only to spin it into his own net on impact onto the floor. 

I thought I’d get away with the first howler but I knew that I wasn’t escaping the match report duty this week. Even with time to make another smart save down to the right this time and despite only picking up my first ever D.o.D nomination last week. Let’s just blame Vin. Who seemed far from happy receiving his nominations for not clearing his lines leading to their 2nd goal. 

Back into the changing room for the boars and the playlist back on to lighten the mood. ‘We are the champions’ was quite the ironic mood changer we weren’t looking for. 

Still the day had time to turn its attention to the topic of anal in the group chat. I knew then that today was my day (Ha Ha.) All be it for the wrong reasons and on that bum note. Time to get back to business in the league. Away to City of London up next. 

Line up: Fitz, Vin, Lofty, Stone, Neal, Mustard, Dan, Mario, Glenn, Denys, Tom. 

Subs: Milo, Jamie, Darcy. 

D.o.D – Fitz

M.o.M – Glenn a.k.a Party Boy. 

Posted in Match Reports 3s