Our first cup game of the season against a team we had beaten a couple of weeks previously in
the league. Fast forwarding to the end, the match was notable for the near unanimity of votes
for not only the identities of MoM and DoD, but also the rationales. Despite only coming on at
half time, Glenn got the former for a host of chances created and the penalty he won and
scored. His left foot had fully rediscovered its mojo, though no one ignored the opportunity to
point out that it was about time after it had been firing blanks for the first part of the season. So
back-handed compliments were delivered to Glenn all round.
For DoD, I am happy to admit that it was not my finest performance in Merton yellow. But I
strongly protest my innocence of the specific crimes of which I was universally accused. So a
deserved punishment, but for the wrong charge sheet. I will let you make your own mind up on
how that rates in terms of real justice. It is a Merton justice I suppose, a crooked path that often
leads to the right destination.
These were horrible conditions for football – raining hard with a diagonal wind, and made worse
by playing on the smaller Hood pitch due to a scheduling error earlier in the day. Before KO, we
were hurt badly by the news that Joel had been forced into work. So rather than helping us win,
he was helping his employer (Fulham FC) successfully lose again. It left a big hole in the
midfield that was not convincingly filled. Fat Sam was also unable to join us (which left rather
less of a hole despite his name), and meant the gifted George was drafted into a forward line
that was on a good run of goals.
The first half was largely unremarkable. Both sides had a couple of chances without ever
playing very well. Sam Clayton was finding a lot of space at right back, and there were a couple
of nice combinations down the left with Johnny/ Jaime, but we were unable to replicate the
football that has brought us recent good results. Their chances largely came from our mistakes
(including from me) – but none of the resulting opportunities were taken. I should also give a
mention to Jimbo for some good covering at the back.
At half time, there was a bit of tactical chat from Clappers, but mostly an emphasis on upping
the intensity. Unfortunately someone set a timer for this additional intensity to only kick-in after
20 minutes, by which time the opposition had scored twice.
Their first came on the break. Both their strikers made through runs, I decided to go with mine,
Joe (or maybe it was Jimbo) annoyingly decided to play offside. The oppo striker that came on
at half-time, who I will call Goldilocks though his blonde hair was probably not long enough to be
a direct match, was duly played through and slotted home. The second came with Goldilocks
receiving the ball to feet, facing away from goal with me at his back. He managed to find enough
space to slot a good pass between Jimbo and Joe for a winger to race onto and score. A decent
goal to be fair, exactly the sort of pass that Clappers has been imploring us to play at every
team chat as if stuck on senile loop for the last 2 years +.
The pre-set intensity timer finally went off at this point. Consistent Merton pressure resulted. For
our first, Jaime placed the ball into an empty part of the net after a couple of blocked shots
ended with the ball at his feet in close range of the goal (having previously tried to drill it through
a defender on an earlier chance). Our second came from Glenn managing to get round the back
of them down the left, and cheekily nutmegging their defender on the byline. When he was then
fouled late from behind, he got back up to score the penalty. I say fouled, but I did not actually
see it, and I am pretty sure the ref did not either. But we both heard the beautifully judged
scream – sincere and full bodied in sound as well as exquisitely timed – and that was enough for
the penalty to be given.
We could easily have scored a third. Glenn delivered a succession of excellent whipped in
deliveries from corners. Max criminally headed one wide from a yard, and another was saved on
the line by their back post defender. Johnny was also suddenly producing some skills down the
right to get past his man, but we did not manage to convert the half opportunities that were
Instead, we conceded a poor winner. I don’t remember it in full, but the position did not feel too
threatening until Jimbo hit a clearance into Goldilock, and the ball fell nicely at his feet in the
area. I came sliding across to try to block his shot, but instead of shooting Goldilocks decided to
fall theatrically to his knees. By the time my slide got to him he had actually already been on the
floor for a couple of seconds, but the ref was well and truly duped. Keeper Sam did well to save
the penalty initially, but it only rebounded out a short distance to allow the taker to slot home at
the second attempt.
While we can complain about that decision and a couple of offsides given against us, we cannot
really complain about the result because it was not a good performance. Personally, I blame
Scott Parker as our central midfield duo of Max and Josh was industrious but missed the
smoother influence of Joel. However, Scott was not around after the game, so everyone else
blamed me.
Posted in Match Reports 1s

1s 3 – 1 Old Stationers 


After a solid and commanding victory away at Ally Pally, the 1s had confidence welcoming Old Stationers to the hood. 


If last week’s result wasn’t enough, the previous meeting between the two sides ended in a 5-3 victory for the pride of South West London, with many of the lads recalling the visitors as ‘utter shite’.


Although the Boars didn’t use the ball particularly well in the first 45 minutes, they did start the more confident and went ahead after a lovely finish from 20 yards by recent recruit Rhys. I must also point out the assist from Joe Grew, his first for the club in 5 seasons! (Or at least you’d think it was based on how chuffed he was with the 5 yard pass)


Merton would double their lead shortly after, thanks to a well worked corner delivered from Van, half finished by Jamie and eventually tapped in by Jonny. 


But it wasn’t all positive, as Stationers would grab one back before the interval. Joe Grew, still gleaming from his earlier assist, unfortunately allowed their 9 to run through on goal and past the onrushing Sam in goal to make it 2-1 going into the break. 


Clappers decided to introduce some fresh legs at Half Time bringing on Old fat shit josh and fat Sam. (Notice the theme?) 


Ultimately, the highlight of the second half was the magical love affair between Old Josh and the referee. The substitute continued to run around the park fouling the opposition, including a childish handball and a shocking challenge to stop an attack. But the great thing about love is that you accept the faults in one another, and Josh escaped with just a yellow card. 


So dick of the day for Josh? Nope, Jimbo again, for a Gerrard esq slip on the half way line. (Important for the readers to note that he maintained possession, unlike that scouse rat) 


Merton would wrap up the victory, with a typically class solo goal from Jamie, who intercepted a rank kick from the keeper before taking it around his outstretched hand and tapping home.


Back to back 3-1 wins for the Boars who climb to fourth and eye a place in Europe! (Portugal looks likely)

No doubt I’ll be writing to you again soon. 

Your favourite editor, 


Posted in Match Reports 1s

1s Match Report vs NUFC Oilers


Well before going into detail about how Jimbo was wrongly given DOD. We’ll start with the result. The 1s lost. Again.


Yes, unfortunately the Boars recorded their third straight defeat of the season by going down 2-1 at home to NUFC Oilers. However, the difference to the previous two weeks, is that this result was 100% deserved.


Oilers arrived to the hood off the back of a 5-1 win against Bank of England, so on paper it was never going to be an easy task for the homeside. Things were then multiplied by the fact that the ever crippled H, pulled out of the warmup after suffering a knee injury in his sleep.


There’s no doubt the visitors enjoyed the better of the first half as Merton continued to give the ball away cheaply. But overall it was a defensive error that led to their opener. With no linesman at this level, you’re running a very risky game playing offside. But despite this, Jimbo raised his hand and advanced forward (leisurely, didn’t sprint like some claimed) to ensure the attacker was caught on the wrong-side. Unfortunately for everyone, 2020 signing, Aussie Sam Clayton, was stuck somewhere in downtown Sydney playing him onside. End result, 1-0.


Oilers would double their lead before the break as two of our four Sams, (Harvey & Slim Shady), failed to deal with a set piece delivery, providing the visitors with a well deserved two goal cushion at half time.


If you examined the post match stats and saw how many times the away side hit the woodwork in the final 45 you wouldn’t begrudge a 5-1 scoreline, but in the end things were far more nervy for the travelling side.


Merton certainly improved in the second half with the addition of Aussie Joel to central midfield. He began to dictate a more progressive style of play, even with the best attempts of Sam Pritchard to continuously give it away, not track his man and basically be useless.


Jonny Graham would get the home side back into it after their keeper kindly passed him the ball for some reason and then even more oddly decided to let in when Jonny passed him it back.

Very bizarre to watch for the spectators.


So now with only one goal in it, there was always hope for a final chance for Merton to get an equaliser. And that chance would come! A beautifully delivered cross from Joel to his compatriot Sam arriving at the back post (something they no doubt dreamt of in their pursuit of a better life on these shores), only for the right back to fluff his lines miserably and Oilers to take all three points back to Barnet.


So on reflection, another disappointing result for the 1st team, and I know what you’re thinking. How did this Aussie Sam lad not get DOD? Well readers, I just don’t know what to tell you.



First 11: Sam (Slim Shady), Aussie Sam, Jimbo, Rat, Aussie Max, Crusher, Sam Harvey, Old Josh, Jonny, Jamie, Rhys


Subs: Sam Pritchard, Clappers, Aussie Joel Injury List: H

Posted in Match Reports 1s

*Match Report*

Away day at Ally Pally. A fixture engraved into Merton folklore. En-route Browner wistfully regaled tales of famous afternoons where the Merton men scored 6 goals in promotion battles (after being reluctantly interrupted from his sudoku on the Victoria line). This year was different, 1 point on the board thus far, nervous gossip about a relegation battle was festering. Unquestionably, the new recruits (largely an Australian contingent) have had a positive influence for the Merton 1s. Yet despite the youthful talent, the ‘promise’ hadn’t converted to results. Today was the day that things had to change, and the wind of a blustery Ally Pally carried a distinct smell of optimism (or Jumbo’s Davidoff aftershave, £8.99 in a Boots sale bin near you). The opposition drew first blood, chanting in a barbaric style, akin to Spartan warriors, whilst the Merton men discussed Jonny’s choice of moisturiser, Aussie Sam’s promiscuity and Van’s 90’s boy band outfit. On the pitch was a different matter, the Merton men controlled the tempo from the off as the veteran’s turned back the clock. A back-handed remark of ‘This is the best Van’s played in 3 years’ was a fair and just shout from a Merton defender who shall remain nameless (see Sudoku comment above). All of this promise culminated in a cross field ball from Van, that was caressed over the top of the overly enthusiastic Ally Pally keeper by Merton’s Lothario, Jonny Graham. The man with the Midas touch soon doubled his tally by scuffing his first touch then smashing home from 6 yards. After more sustained pressure, Jonny again whipped a glorious ball onto the head of the impressive Rhys who’d decided to have a break from cuddling the Ally Pally centre back and headed home beyond the less an impressive goal keeper. 30 minutes on the clock, 3-0 and time for Clappers to ‘go nuclear’ (otherwise known as bringing Sam H and Glenn on). A majestic flick round the corner and a couple of good attempts on goal from the substitutes justified the early changes. The second half began scrappy and Ally Pally managed to scramble a goal back via a cross from the left flank and a firm finish from the right winger from inside 10 yards. A forgettable 45 minutes brought a few good chances for the Merton men and some heated remarks aimed at the referee resulted in a sin bin for the opposition’s CM. The DoD vote was ultimately issued to a player that despite having a positive influence on the game, lost his footing whilst chasing their ‘Messi-esque’ winger and ended up crawling through the centre circle like a spoilt toddler. MoM was correctly issued to Jonny Graham. Onwards to next week where we can see if Joel can learn to EG a pint and the Merton men can continue their climb towards the top of the league. Yours for the Boars, Sam

Posted in Match Reports 1s

Merton 5s 3 – 1 Old Blues 4s – I’m getting board of losing (Warning: This match report has been rated PG. May contain some innuendos) The result and performance against South Wank the previous week as well as the semi-final were both outrageously poor, and coming into this game we knew that another loss and poor performance would only risk our season descending into nothingness. We still arrived in decent spirits, albeit you could mistake our pre-match preparation for a little too much lethargy! With Dobson managing to smash the ball in his own face whilst going for goal in the warm up (only twice) and Clive the Seal trying to juggle 2 balls at once, missing one and getting megged by the other (that’s a pound), the concentration levels were not at their highest. In swooped Ackerz, with his tough talkin’ geezer like attitude and, crucially, his board. In a not too socially distant way, we gathered around as he went through the tactics and where on the pitch he wanted us. There were arrows flinging about, interchanges being discussed, shuffling about and covering arrangements but at its core, a simple instruction of “I want you four to attack, and you six to defend”. And with that, the four attackers started attacking them from the off! It paid dividends very early on when Dwayne picked up the ball in the centre and saw the run of Bitmead. Unscuffed this week, he played a through ball which Bitmead ran onto. With plenty of time, he calmly slotted the ball past the keeper to make it 1-0. Confidently, we went all dominatrix on them and asserted ourself on the game (no lude connotations intended). Dulanjie had a great opportunity to slap us even further ahead. A great ball over the top found this match reporter on the left, who took it down and tried to spin (emphasis on the ‘tried’). Once circled round like a freight train (maybe I should get one of those annoying lorry bleepy things that tells you when it’s turning left or right) the opportunity to shoot had closed. So unselfishly (take note Bitgreed!) laid it back to Dulanjie. He slapped the ball with some sort of appendage – he says right leg but it can often be difficult to tell – and was heading for the far corner. The keeper pulled off a worldie of a save, and fair play to him. Unlucky. In dominatrix school I imagine that the instruction is to not let up when you get on top, but just keep riding, and that’s what we did. Between this match reporter and Bitmead we had an abundance of efforts and I can’t remember what way round it went! One of Scotty’s huge, long balls flew in my general direction with pinpoint accuracy. I took a touch which made the angle tighter and trying to smash it into the roof of the net, I missed it quite substantially. Then (I think) this match reporter picked the ball up a few minutes later and slipped one through to BItmead. With no other option he smashed it with his left, although a little too close to the keeper. Shortly after that (I think) Pete picked up the ball in the middle, and chipped it through. Controlling it on my shoulder, again taking me wider of the target, I again smashed the ball over on the half volley. Then (I think) the ball went to Bitgreed in the middle. 20-30 yards from goal, he declined the option to play it through (of course) to take the shot on. It sailed unusually wide from the target. Somewhere in the middle of all of this, we managed to score a very good goal. The ball got worked up through the channels and midfield like we were Barcelona – but the good Barcelona, not the terrible one from this season. It went to Peteiesta who played an inch perfect through ball. Lionel Bitti then rounded the keeper and cooly, calmly and arrogantly rolled it in from a tight angle to make it 2-0. Wonderful, beautiful, and I can only imagine Ackerz’ excitement from the side as we cruised into a 2-0 victory. Even Scotty B was then trying to get in on the act! A corner from Bitmead managed to evade everyone and get through to the back post. Stretching, Scott poked a toe at it and got enough power to send it bobbling towards goal. Unfortunately their defender on the line just about managed to sort his feet out and scramble the ball away. It started to feel like it might not be our luckiest of days when we did get out third breakthrough. A huge boot up from George looked innocent enough. Unfortunately for them though, the chuckle brothers in defence couldn’t make their minds up. “To you”, said one to another with his eyes, responded to by a “to you” from the other. “To me, thank you very much” said Bitmead as he pinched it on the other side of the defence and ran through on goal. He poked it past the keeper for 3-0. A Bittrick! The only blight in the first half was one mix up I. Defence where we failed to shuffle to fill a gap. They had some rare time in midfield and found the man who ran through. Like a racehorse our the traps, George moved to close him down. He smothered the effort and we just about managed to clear it up. Perhaps unrealistic to expect we would get through a whole half without conceding a chance but good of us to give George something to do!! “What the fudge” said the gaffer at half time (albeit a different word – this is a mostly family friendly match report). “You’re doing what I asked!” It must be a rather new feeling as we haven’t really been doing so I. Preseason or last week. I blame the board! A particular moment which erected Ackerz’ appreciation was the nonchalant bodying off the ball that D did to regain control, the poor little fella! The instruction was more of the same in the second half. 3-0 up and actually it wouldn’t have been an inaccurate representation if we would have been 8 or 9 up. And more of the same it could not be, as the wind had turned against us (I imagine doninatrix school probably doesn’t account for wind). So we turned from a free-flowing good-Barcelona esque performance to more of a Steve Bruce’s Newcastle – gritty and playing on the counter. In fairness our midfield kept their attacks mostly at bay and when they did get through, Scott actually had stuff to do defensively. We continued to get into decent positions offensively with slightly less regularity than the second half, but did not make the most of them which culminated in a very wild effort of a cross by this match reporter at the end of the game which missed all of our players by about a mile! But we were gritty, kept in there and battled in a way that we haven’t for a short while. About 15-20 minutes into the half, we did see our lead reduced. In truth I can’t remember what happened but in my mind it was a free kick we failed to clear and someone poked it away. Either way I do remember it was a poor goal to concede and likely to become a huge test of our character. Our one clear cut opportunity fell to the one person you’d hope it would. The ball played through to Bitmead with their defence hopelessly claiming offside, presumably because they couldn’t be bothered to run anymore, meant Bitmead had the freedom of joseph hood. As he approached the goal he flicked at the ball rather than lace it like he usually does or place it as he did for the Bittrick. It bobbled into the side betting and that surely would have finished it odd. We defended really well with one very small exception. With a through ball looking to cause us no problems whatsoever, Stormzy’s feet ended up more like a ballet dancer than a footballer and the ball squirmed past him to put their winger through on goal. The shot was excellent but the save from George was even better. The anticipation to get across and get a finger to it to divert it wide showed exactly why he’s in goal for us instead of a defender coming up to score for us every time we have a corner! With that the game petered out and a cracking 3-1 win confirmed. If there’s anything we need to do better next week it’s just to put the ball in the net more when we get the chances – this match reporter included! There were so many really good performances and the team does deserve a mention (although not a nomination for ‘the team’ for MOTM please – that’s just disgusting). Scott was unusually quiet which is testament to Dwayne, 10 minute Tigz and Clive who won that midfield all hands down). Stormzy when he came on looked like he had never been away, especially coming on for the only moment in the game when we were under pressure. Dobz and Chris were again solid at full back. Perhaps our biggest benefactors of the board were our forwards and D could have had a goal and a couple of assists, Pete ran that number 10 position getting on the ball and playing it earlier (mostly) having his best game for the 5s for a while with one assist and should have been 2 more. Our man of the match though had to be Bitmead. If he would have got two Bittricks this season and not got man of the match for either that would have been criminal!! Well done lads. They showed in the second half they weren’t too bad a team but we made them look it in the first half. let’s take this momentum into the game against civil service 9s

Posted in Match Reports 5s

First Team Match Report vs HSBC The Southern Amateur Division 2 kicked off on Saturday for the 1’s as we welcomed old foes HSBC to the Hood. Even with Covid restricting the late Summer vacations we still only managed to patch together 12 names on the team sheet. Sam Harvey given the starting berth on the bench following an exhausting Cricket season. Clappers made a rather bold decision to switch pitches to the less playable and slightly larger pitch which meant Niall’s pink box training drills from Wednesdays session went out the window and we were back to plan A of lump it forward and hope for the best. Luckily for us, George’s University has closed their campus so plan A wasn’t a bad shout. The game started fast with HSBC, profiting with an offseason promotion following the shock folding of Carshalton, being particularly buoyant out of the blocks and winning most of the early possession. A HSBC corner after about 10 minutes was the best opportunity of the early exchanges and with VAR not in action in the SAL HSBC can feel hard done by that they weren’t profiting from a goal mouth scramble as it looked as though the ball had gone well over the line. Well cleared by Harrison. Following the shock Rat got the back four going and H and Max in the middle started to get control of the game. Browner, seemingly having learnt to throw the ball during lockdown, was causing all sorts of pressure down the left with his inch perfect long throws. One of these was elegantly brought down by Josh who turned sharply and released George down the left wing. George beat his man for pace, then again with some skill, before cutting in and finishing well from an acute angle. A brilliant solo goal which merited his starting place even though he turned up with no socks or shin pads 10 minutes before KO. Glenn was dragged shortly after, Clappers protecting a prized asset who was clearly carrying the cobwebs of Aiya Napa, and Sam Harvey was on with a point to prove (spoiler alert he didn’t prove his point). A couple of good half chances fell to the wrong man on the edge of the box (Aussie Max) and we were in at half time one up. Lots of pats on the back for the back four and some good chat from Clappers about the need for a positive start to the second half fell on deaf ears. Within 3 minutes the dangerous no5, picked out before KO as he scored two against last season in the cup, was free 30 yards out and let off a rocket into the the top bins. A proper contender for goal of the season. Sound System Sam in goal no hope. 1-1 Aussie Sam, Rat, Jimbo and Browner then shut out HSBC. Snapping into tackles, dominating in the air and bullying the HSBC frontline. I don’t think HSBC had another chance, an even game was just waiting for its moment… That moment came on the 80th minute. Aussie Max going down in heap with a scream to win a penalty. Up stepped Josh, confident, ready to deliver and with the crowd on his side. What happened next cemented his nickname in Merton folklore, old fat shit Josh literally rolled the ball into the keepers arms for what must be the worst penalty witnessed at the Hood for many a season. The players, the GK, the fans and even the ref were shocked. So much so the final whistle should have been blown then because the next 10 minutes were spent with confused men trying to comprehend that penalty miss rather than winning the game. Final result Merton 1-1 HSBC MOM – Jimbo. Yes you read that right. DOD – Old fat shit Josh. All 11 votes. Our next opponents are Old Finchleians in the league.

Posted in Match Reports 1s

Merton 6XIv Bank of England5XI


The clocks have gone forward and spring has spring, unfortunately they have forgot to tell the weather as arriving at the Hood it looked bleak with one pitch up, heavy cloud cover a cold wind and a hint of rain.


The team start to assembly being a combination of 3s, 5s, & 6s all in good sprites with the usually pre-match banter. A few players debating if they will last the full 90 Mins because of injury and/or lack of fitness however this was too much of an issue with 14 players, but wait Tom Johnson messaged in at 1.30 he was going to making it.


Out on the pitch we when through a full warm route to test the various aches ad pains with everybody declaring themselves ok to start. Which we did well and in an attacking mode with the usually 4-3-3 formation, with James & Lewis wide & Peter O in the middle. We had the B of E on the back foot and create many chances unfortunately without finishing any of them until Lofty hit a shot from 30 yards with plenty of top side so that hit the cross bouncy down & up a couple of time before crossing the line.


At this point B of E finally woke up and start to get through our midfield and they final won a corner, which we initially cleared but didn’t shut down the player 30 yards out who hit cleaned into the top right corner of the net, B of E have a video as proof as even they could believe that there player could hit a shot that well.


The rest of the half we created more chance which we turned into half chance with Pete & James being wayward with their shooting whilst the B of E were limited to long range efforts that generally when wide.


In the 2nd things didn’t change much although B of E did come back into the game however their goalkeeper was the busier but we couldn’t score. Eventually the B of E managed to pull our defence out of shape and they deliver an inch prefer cross for the centre forward to volley home from 8 yards. There 3rd came with 15 minutes left a free kick from 30 yards that deflected off Lewis’s shoulder over Martin.


The last 15 minutes was spent in the Bank’s half but we couldn’t score. It was a disappointing result but we did keep trying.


Last Week’s MOM Martin Quinlan was back in his regular position for this season Goalie and had a quiet and cold afternoon for his 900th game for Merton having one shot to save but had no chance with the 3 Goals. In fact, spent a lot of the last 15 mIns on the half way line. In 900 games the B of E have been the most regularly Martin has played against. Onwards to 1000 games.


The Central defensive of Neil & Kevin a solid games with Neal being our start player. As for the DOD there were several candidates James & Peter for missing many good chances, Ryan with his powerful throw ins which force Lewis off the pitch and Luke to have a poor first touch when he came on and several players for getting frustrated and need speaking to the by the referee. James offer his performance for DOD but by a split decision it when to Tom for not turning up.


The most stupid moment was when the B of E very large Centre handled the ball with 5 mins left. He wasn’t even booked!


The Team


Martin Q, Kevin L, Matt H., James E., Lewis R., Aaron A., Chris O., Simon W (Lofty), Ryan B., Pete O-A., Neil D., Subs Luke N., Marcus P.


MoM – Neil Davison

DoD – Tom Johnson

Posted in Match Reports 6s

Match Report

Civil Service 8s v Merton 6s

Spring has sprung, away to Civ 8 in sunny Chiswick, only a 2-hour journey through all the road works, still could be worse… after all the rain at the hood last week and witnessing 3 ducks swimming on pitch one, it’s nice to get out and about

Testing week to get the players out, going from 18 to 9 with in a day, and then a frantic ring round to get cover after one particular player though it would be funny to make themselves available even though they were not even on the same continent !! but more on that later ..

A rare outing for MQ at left back as we get a cameo from Lenners between the sticks, Steve B at left back with Haydn and Tom centre, Midfield of Niall, Phil and Dobby with the usual 3 of DG, Lewis and James up front.. Joe making a late appearance starts on the bench

Game starts with the 6s on the front foot, looking fresh after 3 weeks without a game, the passing is a bit erratic but still ahead of the C8 who seem to slow out the blocks and making a few unforced errors. Steve B after a few moments of madness on the ball (a good to many ‘HAVE IT!’ moments) starts to compose himself and settles the back line and begins to finally play out form the back. A good passage of play between the back 4 and midfield, which could have been more than 15/20 uninterrupted passes, unfortunate breaks down, but it’s a good sign and something that’s been requested all season (and they wait till the final few games to show their stuff!!)

Well on top and only some poor finishing keeps the score at 0-0, 6s finally yields a bit of luck, Niall once again a wizard with the left foot, sets James off down the wing and into the box for the shot, beats the keeper but is blocked, DG following up with a 50/50 that sees the ball cleared by the keeper, onto DG and looks to be going out for a throw, MQ chases down the loose ball and has time to roll a yard or two forward and without doubt, sees the keeper still struggling to get back, launches a shot back in the mix from all of 40 yards, the keeper trying his best to reach but is still a good foot or so short as the ball sails over the out stretched arm, even evades the 2 centre backs who also try to make a clearance just as the ball dips under the ball and in the goal for 0-1 lead. MQ is already standing with both arms in the air and is rightly mobbed by everyone of the 6s, to congratulate him on his first goal since his 84th birthday 10 years or so ago!

Not much more to report first half, think everyone was to ecstatic for Mr Merton himself!!

2nd half, MQ is replaced for Joe D as we can’t risk the old boy getting a 2nd, god knows what all the excitement would do to his heart, as well as muted claim to a starting spot up front!! (worried look over shoulder form el’cappo there!!)

Bit slower out the blocks but still on top, however, C8 are more organised and unluckily to go 2 behind. Steve B puts in a corner, straight on the money, which sees a mass scrabble between C8 players to clear (6s I think was quite amused to the thrashing around to clear the ball and stood and watched!) the first clearance hits the back of a C8 player that sees the ball roll towards the line, keeper try’s to claim it, only for the centre back to ‘hoof one clear’, again hitting the back of a c8 player, onto the shin of the left back and then the knee of the right back (ok, might have made some of this up, but its more or less right!!).. and roll over the line for 0-2 and coasting…

Attention now turns to Lenners, after a fantastic first half (forgot to mention the bit about Lee jumping around like a salmon and catching the ball without any pressure around him… BUT on landing belly first, sees the ball slips from his mitts and luckily to Haydn to clear!) .. being slightly off his line by 20 yards or so, for most of the 2nd half, it was only a matter of time before someone chances the lob and one C8 player does, from inside the centre circle, still… Lee looked to have the ground covered as he back peddled, but was unfortunate not to be the required 6ft 8inches tall to tip the chance over the crossbar… and once again lays on the floor like a fish… out of water! 1-2

With chances still coming thick and fast, its bad luck and good defending that keeps the 6s from going ahead, tiredness creeping in on both teams and some good football on show. The counter attacks are scooped up by Tom and Haydn and it looks like an away win is on the cards.

A counter attack by C8 down the right sees the ball cut in and still 25/30 yards out, C8 take a first time toe punt which goes like a rocket, Lenners, although is the right position this time, cant do much about it as the ball manages to go between the out stretched fingers and the underside of the bar to bring the game level 2-2.

The 6s let a game slip and was cruising, and with the remaining 10 minutes or so, can’t convert any more chances, the whistle blows just as a final attack was getting in the 18-yard box, but in the end, its 2 points dropped as opposed to a point gained

Nice day out, and our final away game of the season sees us with only 2 losses on the road, a far better improvement on last year. We now have a further week off before we welcome B0E to the hood, weather and ducks permitting

MOTM: MQ… who else after that goal

DOTD: Close call on Lenners the fish, but Steve H for dicking around with availability late in the week and causing a headache trying to get cover

Posted in Match Reports 6s

Merton Under 10s vs Old Isleworthians Youth Whites


31st March 2019 – Under 10s report


It was a cold Sunday morning at Joseph Hood Rec and this was the last game of the season. Spring has officially arrived but the biting wind reminded us that Winter was not finished with us yet. As the boys warmed up with their customary pre-match Rondo, parents on the side-lines simply shivered. Personally, I could have done with a hipflask but I know that is frowned upon at 9.30 in the morning.


Today’s opponents, were Old Isleworthians Youth who arrived in ones and twos; at one point it looked as if they would struggle to make up their numbers. They did manage to get a full team out.  


The first half commenced with Merton playing left to right on the back up pitch.


During the first few minutes, Merton played with good energy levels and work rate. They made the better start and were in the ascendancy. Good pressure from them meant that they were creating more clear-cut chances; there was also some lovely one touch football on display.


With 15 minutes gone, Dave went on a run, rounded two defenders and slotted in off the right-hand post.


One nil to Merton!    


Old Isleworthians were determined to react positively to conceding and played themselves more into the game. Merton were turning the ball over and Old Isleworthians were growing in confidence.


Twenty minutes played, Merton failed to clear after Old Isleworthians’ first corner. When the ball broke loose, it was lashed into the bottom left of Max’s goal.


1 all. Game on!


Max was called upon to make a couple of good saves to keep Merton on level terms.


Twenty- three minutes gone, great footwork from Faris, then a run and shot that hit the post. Close! 


After 24 minutes, following their second corner, Old Isleworthians scored with a good shot to the top left of Max’s goal.




Moments later the referee blew for half time.



The second half started with Merton kicking right to left.


Merton put their opponents under pressure as they went in search of the equaliser. 


7 minutes played, after a shot from Dave is parried, Percy slots home from close range.


2 all


Merton had worked hard to get back on level terms and their efforts had been rewarded. The game became more open and both sides created chances. It seemed as if the next goal would be decisive.


When the next goal came, after 19 minutes, it followed the best passing move of the game. A succession of crisp first-time passes by Merton ended with Louis assisting Maxwell who shot low to the bottom left corner of the Old Isleworthians’ goal. It went in.


What a great team goal! 


3-2 to Merton!


Old Isleworthians were not finished yet, they created more chances. Excellent defensive work from Harry, Ollie, Joe, Rio, Dave and Max kept them out.


Would Merton be able to hold on for the win?


Yes, was the answer. In the end, the win appeared comfortable because of what happened just before full-time.


With 24 minutes played, Louis and Maxwell exchanged passes on the left-hand side of Old Isleworthians’ penalty area. Maxwell looked ready to return the ball to Louis but instead he curled a shot into the bottom right hand corner of the goal. It went in.


4-2 to Merton


Moments later the referee blew for full time.

A very good win to end the season. Well done boys!


Maxwell was awarded Man of The Match.


After the match, the team said goodbye to Joe and wished him well for next season.



Special shout-out to Bobby who was unable to play today.



Author: Mike Pitt

Posted in Under 10s Reports

Bedfont Eagles U10s vs Merton U10s

It was a warm and sunny spring morning which greeted the Merton boys on their final away day trip of the 2018/19 season.

The match kicked off and Merton were straight on the front foot leading to David having two shots at goal in quick succession.  With Chell watching on he looked set for another string performance. 


After 8 mins Merton were rewarded with the opening goal after a lovely two touch passing move through half of the side.  Louis crossed for Rio to slide in and score.

This was soon followed by a nice run from Dave but his cross was cleared. 

This didn’t discourage him and he followed up by sending over a great cross which was brilliantly headed in by Percy to make it 2-0 after 11mins.

The boys were into their stride now and Joe was getting well in to the game.  Some good play between Dave, Louis and Rio led to another shot and another good save from the Bedfont keeper who looked very solid despite the goals.

Suddenly Merton made an inexplicable mix up at the back and let an easy chance go in for 2-1.  Then, as if that wasn’t disappointing enough, bam: another quick Bedfont attack and 2-2 after some good passing.

Back on level terms the boys needed to redouble their efforts.  But Bedfont had the next chance and it took a sprint from Max in goal to get back just in time to save a shot on the line. 

Some more good play and shots from Merton came and the Bedfont keeper was equal to much of it with strong saves. He was starting to look like one of the best keepers we have seen this season. 

Bedfont broke again and Dave slid in and the ref awarded a free kick. Bedfont strung some passes together from this and their striker somehow squeezed the ball in under Max for 3-2.  Shocked!

Half time blew and it was 3-2 down we went in.


The second half kicked off and Merton were on the front foot again with some good play. Suddenly Max made a superb save after dashing out to meet a Bedfont break.  Then the ball broke to left and Farris put Percy through for a superb finish and 3-3.  Percy was having one of his best games today. 

He won the ball again on the right and played across the pitch to Louis who passed to Farris resulting in a shot and save. 

Another good move followed with Joe shooting and the keeper coping out to save. He really was looking for a man of the match performance.  Bobby was playing deeper than usual for much of the match but still found himself involved in many moves and using his strength and control to break up play. 

Next Merton broke through and Rio was brought down for a penalty on the edge of the box. He took it himself and it was now 3-4 to Merton.

Merton continued to miss lots of chances and the Bedfont keeper continued to make good saves.  Olly was starting lots of moves from the back and playing a one-two where there was an opening.  Nice to see training being taken into the match. 

The superb Bedfont keeper now went off injured after an innocuous challenge at the end of his 5-star performance.  This took 3 mins of delay but the ref found a whole lot more time extending the game well after the requisite 25 min half.

This game Bedfont the opportunity to draw level but in the end it was Merton who extended their lead as Rio played in Percy who took his hat trick under the keeper for 5-3 with another cool finish.  What a game he had played. 


The final whistle blew and Percy was awarded man of the match for Merton.  The boys seemed to have learned from their previous surprise defeats in games where the opposition took advantage of lapses and Merton did not convert chances.  This was a mature and committed win.


Well done to all!

Posted in Under 10s Reports