1s vs Alexandra Park – 10/10/2020

*Match Report*

Away day at Ally Pally. A fixture engraved into Merton folklore. En-route Browner wistfully regaled tales of famous afternoons where the Merton men scored 6 goals in promotion battles (after being reluctantly interrupted from his sudoku on the Victoria line). This year was different, 1 point on the board thus far, nervous gossip about a relegation battle was festering. Unquestionably, the new recruits (largely an Australian contingent) have had a positive influence for the Merton 1s. Yet despite the youthful talent, the ‘promise’ hadn’t converted to results. Today was the day that things had to change, and the wind of a blustery Ally Pally carried a distinct smell of optimism (or Jumbo’s Davidoff aftershave, £8.99 in a Boots sale bin near you). The opposition drew first blood, chanting in a barbaric style, akin to Spartan warriors, whilst the Merton men discussed Jonny’s choice of moisturiser, Aussie Sam’s promiscuity and Van’s 90’s boy band outfit. On the pitch was a different matter, the Merton men controlled the tempo from the off as the veteran’s turned back the clock. A back-handed remark of ‘This is the best Van’s played in 3 years’ was a fair and just shout from a Merton defender who shall remain nameless (see Sudoku comment above). All of this promise culminated in a cross field ball from Van, that was caressed over the top of the overly enthusiastic Ally Pally keeper by Merton’s Lothario, Jonny Graham. The man with the Midas touch soon doubled his tally by scuffing his first touch then smashing home from 6 yards. After more sustained pressure, Jonny again whipped a glorious ball onto the head of the impressive Rhys who’d decided to have a break from cuddling the Ally Pally centre back and headed home beyond the less an impressive goal keeper. 30 minutes on the clock, 3-0 and time for Clappers to ‘go nuclear’ (otherwise known as bringing Sam H and Glenn on). A majestic flick round the corner and a couple of good attempts on goal from the substitutes justified the early changes. The second half began scrappy and Ally Pally managed to scramble a goal back via a cross from the left flank and a firm finish from the right winger from inside 10 yards. A forgettable 45 minutes brought a few good chances for the Merton men and some heated remarks aimed at the referee resulted in a sin bin for the opposition’s CM. The DoD vote was ultimately issued to a player that despite having a positive influence on the game, lost his footing whilst chasing their ‘Messi-esque’ winger and ended up crawling through the centre circle like a spoilt toddler. MoM was correctly issued to Jonny Graham. Onwards to next week where we can see if Joel can learn to EG a pint and the Merton men can continue their climb towards the top of the league. Yours for the Boars, Sam