“If you have a problem, if no-one else can help, and if you can find them him, maybe you can hire The A-Team Dan Kelly”

Southgate 1 – 7 Merton 3s (Dan Kelly x5, David Quainton x2)

Saturday’s visit to Southgate will be remembered for a number of unique Merton FC records – the longest half ever played, the first time that a team’s seven goal haul was exceeded only by the number of disallowed goals and the first time there were more incorrect offsides than players on the pitch.

The 3s travelled made the long trip to Winchmore Hill, supported by the short-notice addition of The A-Team from Merton 2s. The match started quickly and soon revealed that support from The A-Team was not wanted or needed as Dan Kelly took it upon himself to single-handedly run the show with a hat-trick in the first ten minutes of the game – all three goals stemming from clever runs in behind followed by cool finishes. David Quainton showed desperation to join Dan on the score sheet by violently assaulting colleagues to rid himself of competition and nod home a couple of beautifully floated crosses from an ‘injured’ Richard Eggleston. Amidst a flurry of ‘offsides’ and disallowed goals, Dan Kelly added his fourth to take Merton into the break with an unassailable 6-0 lead – a welcome buffer after the referee played 61 minutes on an atrocious, energy-sapping pitch with inexplicable justification (“I’ve added ten minutes because the ball went on the road twice” … a sum total of about 60 seconds of disruption).

In the second half, Dan Kelly continued his relentless assault on Southgate’s goal with another strong finish. Southgate did manage a quiet response – a deflected through ball landed nicely to their striker to finish calmly past Alex Herbert, but it was an isolated move against otherwise one-way traffic. Merton remained in cruise control for the rest of the match, playing the ball around nicely to close out a very one-sided game.

MOM: Dan Kelly

Posted in Match Reports 3s