Author: Matt Haswell

NAME: Mark Chappell

TEAM: Merton FC … That’s who we ALL play for J

POSITION: Centre back / Keeper

BIRTH DATE: 12/7/1970

BIRTH PLACE: London

PREVIOUS CLUBS: Charring Cross, Ditton

Tell us who you are outside of the club. What do you do, how would you describe yourself?

I’m a recruitment consultant by trade and spend most of my free time doing stuff behind the scenes for Merton FC (or so Mrs Chappell would say). I have a wife and young daughter who fill up all my remaining spare time.

I have always been a sore loser and passionate player – often times too passionate for my own good. I cherish my friends and my team mates, and will defend both until my last breath

How did you end up at Merton FC?

My brother joined the season before me and encouraged me down. Scored at both ends on my debut at Bank of England for the 3^rd XI… 23 seasons ago!

What was your best moment in your MFC career till now?

Captaining the 5s to league victory and nearly going unbeaten in season but for the meanies at West Wickham

If you could play for a professional team,which would be it and why?

Any that would be silly enough to pay me money .. Except Chelsea .. You couldn’t pay me enough to wear that shirt

Do you have any pre-match rituals or superstitions?

Usually too busy chasing around organizing stuff!. I’ve always worn a 2^nd pair or socks or compression socks under my pads – but its far from a superstition

Lastly, share us your goals/expectations for the season.

For someone, ANYONE, to collect some silverware at the end of the season. As for the 6s I think we have a great squad this year and will be up there – Can’t say we will win the league as Carshalton are clearly playing players playing beneath their abilities and will run away with it sadly

RAPID FIRE:

Player of the season (so far): For 6s – Paul Onomor… Despite his finishing

Childhood Team: Wimbledon

Favourite team in the UK: AFC Wimbledon

Favourite team outside the UK: Miami Dolphins

Childhood Hero: Don’t believe in Hero’s

Favourite Food: Italian

Favourite Drink: Mojito

Favourite Band: Phil Collins / Genesis

NAME: Andrew Graves but mostly known as Rat.

TEAM: Merton 1’s

POSITION: Right Back

BIRTH DATE: 25/01/83

BIRTH PLACE: Croydon

PREVIOUS CLUBS: Redhill, Egham Town & Molesey.

Tell us who you are outside of the club. What do you do, how would you describe yourself?

Outside of the club I am a Director of a Pop-Up Bar Business that supplies bars for various events. Off the pitch I would describe myself as a fairly relaxed person who enjoys watching and playing pretty much any sport and having a good drink every now and then.

How did you end up at Merton FC?

I played with former Merton FC Legend Lewis Ackerman at Molesey. When we both left he asked if I wanted to come to the Hood and join. 30 minutes of Clappers taking the piss out of my nickname, half a pre-season game and a portion of Spaghetti Bolognese was all it took to persuade me that this was the club for me.
What was your best moment in your MFC career till now?

Reaching a cup final and promotion to Div 1 a few years ago are team highlights but my bicycle kick finish for the match deciding 3^rd goal on Saturday (see 1’s match report) should live long in the memory for those that witnessed it…..
If you could play for a professional team, which would be it and why?

Easy….Crystal Palace FC. To pull on the red and blue jersey and play in front of the country’s best fans before having a night out with Sir Alan Pardew would be a true honour.
Do you have any pre-match rituals or superstitions?

I try to take as long as possible to get changed thus avoid carrying the goals out. I also sit nowhere near Clappers if he has been taking Paracetamol during the week.

Lastly, share us your goals/expectations for the season.

After last season’s struggles, a top half finish would be great, but more importantly, to make sure our new younger team additions are enjoying their football with us and stick with the club.

RAPID FIRE:

Player of the season: Alexei Sanchez

Childhood Team:   Crystal Palace FC

Favourite team in the UK:          Crystal Palace FC

Favourite team outside the UK: Valencia FC

Childhood Hero:     Paolo Maldini

Favourite Food:     Pizza 

Favourite Drink:     Any Craft Beer

Favourite Band:     Coldplay

NAME: Mike ‘Mustard’ Reed

TEAM: 3s – The Boars

POSITION: Wherever we’re looking a bit light.

BIRTH DATE: 29/10/77

BIRTH PLACE: Penzance, Cornwall (Kernow)

PREVIOUS CLUBS: Porthleven Rangers, Wendron United, Ironside

Tell us who you are outside of the club. What do you do, how would you describe yourself?

Live in Essex with girlfriend and step-daughter. Work for the National Crime Agency. Volunteer for the Samaritans. As Neil Impiazzi did, back in my first season, I would describe myself as keen as mustard.
How did you end up at Merton FC?

Moved from Cornwall to London in July 2001, within first few days of starting my new job, asked the first bloke in his twenties / thirties that I could find if he knew of any local teams. He gave me Lofty’s number, the rest is history.
What was your best moment in your MFC career till now?

Not necessarily the best but so many memorable moments with MFC:

Ranging from – scoring from a shot within the centre circle, having a free scoring purple patch on and off the pitch on club tour to Portugal and beating promotion rivals Old Parks away whilst having no more than 10 men on the pitch at any time

To – getting sent off after 0 seconds at Southgate Olympic, and getting cleaned out by the opposition keeper, again in Portugal, that led to me having foot surgery and missing approx 2 years of football (and putting on nearly 2 stone!)

The best ‘moment’ though was, the Lofty / Mustard double act of managing / captaining the 2s to promotion to division 1 in 2008/09 (the first Merton team to do so in 25 years) and then after a really hard fought season, retaining our place in the top division the following season.

If you could play for a professional team, which would be it and why?

Manchester United – I have supported them since I was 4 and followed them ever since. Growing up in Cornwall, supporting Man United was clearly a logical choice for me, given that they’re right on the doorstep. Bryan Robson was my favourite player, he played for Manchester United and that’s how it started for me.

Do you have any pre-match rituals or superstitions?

On the morning of every game, I settle down in front of my laptop to see what’s happening on the internet whilst enjoying a wholesome serving of beans on toast.

Lastly, share us your goals/expectations for the season.

Aside of all teams across the club having a good season, my goal is to ensure that the 3s reach a respectable league position, in what is a higher league after getting promoted last year. At least half of our players are new and we’re still in the process of finding our feet – they’re a good bunch of guys with decent ability, so despite a tricky start to the season, there are definitely signs of encouragement.

RAPID FIRE:

Player of the season (at Merton, or in professional football):

Childhood Team: Manchester United

Favourite team in the UK: Merton Football Club

Favourite team outside the UK: Real Madrid (as former Man Utd greats (Becks, RvN, CR7) joined them and I like to see their success continue)

Childhood Hero: Rocky Balboa

Favourite Food: Cornish Pasty (must be from Horse and Jockey)

Favourite Drink: Bloody Mary

Favourite Band: Massive Attack

“Such stuff as dreams are made on,” remarked nobody as we squeezed into the almost-never-used changing room 2 before kick-off. Cookie, ever nervous, newly old, was struggling to find a seat.

“Be not afraid,” Pearcy, didn’t say. “The changing room is full of noises, sweet sounds and airs that give delight and hurt not.”

“I’ve brought the wrong bloody boots,” DQ did say, panicking, knowing ‘Dick of the Day’ was his. Things were not going well.

Still, Pearcy had spare boots, Merton 2s (as opposed to Merton 2’s, who are some weird outfit to which Lofty often refers) had a handsome squad of 14, and the weather was clement. To add to the joy, swathes of Kew’s squad had decided to get some Black Friday weekend shopping done and they’d turned-up with ten players.

We kicked-off, full of vigour, and not a little vim.

“We should break these down, just need to be positive,” said Gresty, hobbled, supporting from the sidelines.

“Pearcy, you clown,” said Ian, capturing the atmosphere as only he can.

In spite of Pearcy’s defensive shank (followed by a overwhelmingly solid performance and a delightful, loopy, deflected own goal), Team Handsome was playing something like well.

“He’s lost that,” said DQ, watching DK Milan Baros his way through the centre of the pitch. In actual fact, DK hadn’t lost it, and dragged the ball apologetically in the corner for 1-0. 

2-0 came quicker than Cookie in an Asian disco, DK foxing the defence and lobbing the keeper like the wily old pro he isn’t.

Annoyingly, Kew scored. A free header from a free kick. 

“Bugger this,” thought Wilgo, sending a delightful cross over to Big Dave Scott, who made like Les Ferdinand in his better days and headed powerfully home. Later, BDS would score again, almost cracking a smile while doing so. His all-round play earned him ‘man-of-the-match’. So that was nice. The swift, cold pint, less so.

Scott’s second goal came midway into the second half and was one of nine, as the 2s romped very comfortably home. Wilgo scored one that was almost identical (right-hand side of the area, bottom-left corner finish) continuing his Indian summer in the Merton yellow. 

Talking of ageing goalscorers, DQ did his best Nwankwo Kanu impression after a sexy Wilgo through-ball, curdling the defender’s blood before finishing probably in the corner he intended. He added a second after robbing the keeper 40 yards out and playing into the empty net. Sadly for Kew, their goalie was one of their two best outfield players.

Who were the other two scorers you ask? Well, not Tom Benham, who did everything but, ending the match more frustrated than Sherbs failing to avoid playing a game of Predator at the Christmas party. Chris Rayner, however, he scored, with his left foot, naturally. And Cookie, dear old Cookie, he did too, barrelling through and toe-poking home.

“I ain’t scored for two years,” Cookie said, hugging their left-back. The left-back didn’t seem to really care.

Mustard cared, Sherman-tanking around during an effervescent midfield cameo, though sadly not enough to get over technological snafus and muster his usual celebratory changing room DJ set. Instead, we all just gave each other high-fives, and handsome pats on the back, and fulsome compliments. 

And that was that, our little match, rounded with goals. 

Merton 2-2 Old Blues

After getting their first win of the season, the still adjusting 7s welcomed Old Blues at home. Playing on a more familiar pitch, Merton lined up in the classic 4-4-2 whereas Old Blues went for the newly fashionable 3-5-2. They had obviously watched some MNF and fancied themselves as tactical geniuses.

A bright start from Merton bought an early corner from which Adam B nodded just over, and the Old Blues seeing they would be exploited out wide, switched to the 4-4-2 to match up to Merton. This paid immediate dividends, the Blues picked up the ball between Noor and Dobson and with the Merton back 4 out of shape drove through and slotted it past stand in keeper Martin and the Old Blues had an early 1-0 lead.
For the next half-hour the 7s were under the cosh, the blues dominated possession of the ball and managed to force a few decent chances. Around the 20 minute mark, the away sides big man up top found himself one on one with Martin who made a brilliant one handed save, down low to his left to deny the Blues from extending their lead. Threatening further from a series of corners and free kicks whipped into the box, Merton managed to gain some control towards the end of the half.

Steve and Adam B started to impose themselves on the whiny number 8 of Old Blues and the 7s managed to create a few chances for themselves. After some pinball in the box the ball dropped to Noor, presenting him with the chance to put Merton back on level terms but he skewed his shot just wide. Soon the pressure became too much, with a through ball from Steve to Adam E who burst down the right flank and instead of shooting, opted to dink a ball across the 6-yard area. The keeper palmed it into the sky, with the ball dropping inches away from the goal line, Noor confidently chested it in to make up for his earlier miss. 1-1.

A crunching tackle by Tom R on the whiny number 8 of Old Blues was a particular highlight of the half and with Malcolm dropping back to add numbers to the midfield, Merton ended the half well with a bit more control.

Nathan entered the fray for the second half, tasked with keeping the number 8 quiet, he did a great job and this set Merton up well to be more competitive in the second half. There were few chances for either side in the second half with Martin dominating the box at corners and free kicks (a true jack of all trades!) and Merton doing well down the wings with the full backs pushing forward where possible.

Unfortunately the Blues regained the lead midway through the second half, the right winger played a lovely deep cross into the box which Josh managed to get a head on with the blues captain waiting to pounce behind. But the header diverted the ball back into the mixer, which Martin didn’t manage to claim and after a small scramble the ball was at the feet of their captain who couldn’t miss from 2 yards. 2-1 to the Old Blues.

Merton didn’t let their heads drop and thought they were going to draw level when Josh intercepted a pass out from the back, and with the opposition back 4 out of position, played a lovely though ball to Scott which left him one on one with the keeper, unfortunately Scott’s shot was saved (apparently, the ref gave a goal kick…) and it was still 2-1 to the blues.

The 7s were getting closer and finally managed to get make a chance count when Adam E found some space on the right after some good work and picked a lovely pass to find the other Adam in the box, he smashed home and it was 2-2 with 10 minutes left! The Blues hit the post with a lovely effort from outside the box but really there seemed like there would only be one winner with most of the chances falling to Merton at the end of the game. However they couldn’t find the goal they needed and 2 all seemed like a fair result after a good game all round, onwards and upwards for the 7s. Starting XI: Martin (GK), Josh K-H, Dan A (C), Tom R, Dobson, Adam E, Steve, Adam B, Noor, Malcom and Scott

Bench: Jon and Nathan

Man of the Match: A close call but, Josh K-H for his marauding runs from full-back as well as tenacious defending. England’s answer to Dani Alves?

Dick of the Day: Again hard to call anyone out but Jack Taylor for not showing up and (as far as these reporters know) not telling us why, we miss his big beard

After a well-fought win against BoE in the previous round, today brought us to the next round of the cup, against a team in similar standings in our rival league:
The Economicals from the AFC. 

The day didn’t start on a high note given that, In true taking the p**s style, Jonathan & Samuel turned up an hour late, with a very frustrated Chaz sitting in the back seat gearing up for an underserved bollocking – Clappers made it very clear that this wouldn’t continue! Chaz couldn’t agree more! 

None the less, the team was full of familiar faces with Siri in Goal, Brauner RB, Clappers & Chaz CB & Nic filling in at LB. The midfield consisted of Woody, Tilley & Samuel, & a familiar front 3 of Jonathan, James & Chalie. The bench was made up of a very dynamic, Bosher, Joe, Elz & of course, Van was there on the sidelines studying the work of Merton’s first choice wingers.

The game was off to a good start with both teams showing a good tempo to their movement & passing from the whistle. It was, at least until roughly 5 minutes in, when their keeper picked up a rather obvious pass back from his own midfielder which consequently led to an indirect free kick just inside their box. By all accounts, Sam had the audacity to offer that he take it, thankfully Woody came to sense quickly & stepped over the ball and take it himself. BOSH! 1-0 Merton! After an unexpected extra touch to take it away from the charging wall, Woody got his shot off & it found the net – good start! 

The tone of the game continued from that point, with both teams continue to press each other at a good tempo & thus caused for a somewhat scrappy affair as the half wore on. Merton less and less tried to play out from the back, & instead started to play their percentages. This did work in our favor a number of times, resulting in nice link up play between Charlie, James and Jonny in order to turn their defence. Midway through the first half, Chaz received what was first thought to be a dead leg, however, he would later be subbed to what would appear to be a pulled/torn thigh muscle. 

Second half, & the game picked up from where it left off. Both teams hungry for the next goal & but for some very good defending from Clappers & Brauner, Economicals could have scored an early equaliser. I’m not surprised the Brauner, Clappers partnership worked out given that they’ve played together for years & Clappers certainly knows Brauners strengths & weaknesses. Siri was consistent as per usual, claiming the ball from set plays, look comfortable with a couple of sturdy shots & most importantly getting on everyone’s back! Good ol Siri. Has to be said that the middle 3 of Sam, Woody & Tilley did a good job in weathering an early storm by continiously foresting for the ball in the middle not giving their midfielders much time at all – this eventually led to Merton’s second goal. The midfield (Can’t remember who) won the ball deep in our own half and sent Jonathan on his way down the right wing. Calm under pressure, Jonny squared it Charlie who made no mistake in slotting it home with a sidefooted, curling shot passed the keepers left. Word on the sideline was that it was like watching Pires & Henry!…… It has to be said, Charlie could of a hatrick, considering he missed 2 clear cut chances just after his first goal – Van was smiling with intent on the sideline.

Spelthorne sky’s 2 v Merton FC 4

A warm welcome awaited us in our first league game in our newly promoted division setting the tone for what was a fantastic match played with great competitive spirit with a tremendous sense of fair play from all involved with lots of strong committed tackles yet not a foul in the entire match. My favourite game of the season so far.

As the match got under way the teams looked even with threats on goal coming at either end with both keepers making important stops. We broke the deadlock with a well worked goal and then started to apply more and more pressure leaving spelthorne unable to get out of there own half for large periods with an inevitable 2nd Merton goal flying in.  Against the run of play we conceded a goal from a very well worked corner which we did not react to until the ball was in the back of the net. 2-1. We quickly got back into our stride and looked reasonably dominant enjoying the greater possession. The game ended 4-2 with a Merton penalty from a handball saved along the way. We look forward to the return match at the hood.

Man of match awarded by kalyan’s dad was given to doo Ho in goal.
Most memorable moment this week is renamed managers humbling moment. One of our boys took a knock during a challenge and was subbed off in pain. As the game continued, the spelthorne player involved came off the pitch to comfort our lad with concern and apologise.

Gary
U9 manager

The 5s 0 – 0 poly 8s (2-4 pen)

It was the mysterious case of the cancellation of the 9th team. Somehow, in  this crucial cup game, the 9s suspended their game and ended up supporting their 8s in a ferocious battle that lasted to the death.

Chiswick has been our home from home in recent weeks, however King George’s playing fields has now become our home from home from home. We settled in quickly, and it was the 5s who had the first chances. Had the referee not have got the memo from last time out that dulanjie is always offside,  we would have gone ahead early doors and never looked back! There were at least 2, maybe 3 instances where was clearly onside, clean through yet called offside. It is no ocerexaggeration to say he would be at least 4 goals better off if these really suspect calls had not been made. Dulanjie shouldn’t be disheartened because one day the floodgates will surely open!!

So our chances instead fell to those who you’d want them to in the first half. One of their clearances from a corner dropped to Darren, who adjusted well to volley narrowly over. A similar situation played out for Steve Burchall, except he didn’t adapt well and the ball flew out of the ground for a home run – the referee did not look amused at the suggestion that it should count!! A good move on the right saw Aaron cut my n tidier narrowly wide on the left. That was our pick of the first half, and apart from hitting the bar with an effort that he did well to get a foot on, they didn’t make many chances as the 5s held strong at the back to make take a 0-0 into the first half.

The second half was a mix of excitement, nervousness and horror as the tightness of the game meant all players knew the single goal would be enough. the 5s again started strongest as the keeper made an unbelievable save to keep out a corner from Aaron that was heading straight into the top corner again. Steve managed to hit another home run (2-0 up on that front) before they asserted some pressure! One went across the box, and one went narrowly wide. The topsy turvey nature of the game then saw the 5s in control, and spurn the best chance of the game. Twice Dwayne broke through, once quite a difficult chance but hit the side netting. The second, he should of scored. Clean through, and about 4 yards from goal and it went further away rather then nestling in the back of the net! Like a massive hard on that came to fast, it ended up in disappointment.

One of the last moments of the 90 was to be pivotal. Their 9s top scorer, who is well known to the club, let rip from 20 yards. The effort was deatined for the bottom corner; but for a big hand from Sam in goal. He flew from the other end to make a save that you’d be impressed with at a professional level. The speed of his reaction made it look easy, and was the last major chance before extra time.

The game ended 0-0 and there was only one team in it. Another good chance was spurned by Dwayne who was again a fraction unlucky. The marginalised dulanjie saw an effort where he was uncharacteristically flagged onside (despite the fact he was indeed onside) stretch to almost lob the keeper.

A game where we had the chances, but didn’t convert one. A great performance nonetheless.

Pens can be a lottery, but of the two we scored out of the 4, neither were great. In the end we must take heart from our resoluteness and maintain our form in  The league because it is certainly winnable!

Dick of the day: for missing from 4 yards out, by such a large margin, is Dwayne.

Man of the match: but for getting in the positions, helping out a flakey (but very good looking) left back, it’s Dwayne again! A very good performance at both ends that if he plays like this every week, he will score a hatful.

Now, for some particularly sad news. I will be leaving the club, moving up to Manchester. Since joining, it has been an absolute pleasure playing for the 5s and I think this is demonstrated by the way that everyone wants to play with us. Even last year when we were not doing very well, I feel like I have been part of a team. What Clive has done for this club should not be confined by the good job he did last season, he has built a formidable team this season and I will be expecting to read win after win when following Merton in the future.

A different kind of football comes to the Hood on Sunday 5 Feb – the American kind. Join us at Merton FC’s fortress for a splendid evening filled with darts, Remember The Titans, Any Given Sunday, Cool Runnings, a sumptuous Texan BBQ spread and a large amount of drinking. Oh, and some Super Bowl action too. Best advised to call in sick for work the next day; this won’t be an early night