Category: Match Reports 3s

After a good result last week the 3s sleeked another good result at the hood. Kick off was delayed by 5 minutes as the oppo had a couple of players still finding their way from Enfield.
The first 10 or 15 minutes or so Merton were on top, working hard, pressing high up the pitch and making it tough for Broomfield to get in to any kind of rhythm.
Having said that the boars failed to really get the passing game from the week before going although Tony the captain was making his views known on the pitch.
The 4-3-3 formation was proving to be going okay and it was a pretty even first half if the truth be told. Ricardo and Walshy the Left and Right backs respectively were looking after their wingers and Jack and Tony organising the team from the back winning the headers every time the oppo lumped it up to their forwards.
Mustard, Neal and Alberto all working hard in the midfield three taking it in turns to press the ball and move up to support the forwards.
Ian and Glenn (not sure if its one n or 2) were given a license to support Donno (whose boots were outrageous by the way – bright pink)
After about 20 minutes or so and Merton restricting the oppo to long range efforts Merton sustained some pressure on the Broomfield goal. Good work from Glenn (with 2 n’s) on some good attacking play on the left as he teased the oppos right back and what seemed to have been making things happen. Ian worked hard on the right hand side of the pitch and played some neat football with Neal and before sending the ball over the top for Donno to latch on to, only to be given offside. Some fans on the touchline argued with the ref as it was impossible to see anything with those pink boots dazing everyone’s vision.
3 or 4 consecutive corners led Mustard to act like a man possessed. Glenn whipping in several good corners with Walshy and co getting nowhere near them as usual, the ball bouncing off everyone like a ping pong ball and eventually falling to Mustard. He smashed it each time low and hard and again it boomeranged back to him but eventually slicing one wide of the post.
Broomfield lived through that bit of pressure and Mustard was penalised for another handball but this time in their penalty area. The Merton lads found the funny side.
He then also repeated the incident again whilst blocking a shot from the oppo as he chased down their midfielder shooting from the edge of the box but this week no penalty was given.
Towards the end of the half Broomfield get a corner. Whilst everyone was marked they cross the ball on to our 6 yard box where their player heads the ball home. 0-1 Broomfield.
It was a scrappy goal, another set piece we didn’t attack or deal with but the header looped over Fitz and one of our lads on the post couldn’t reach it. It is worth noting that Fitz pulled off a couple of great saves.
Second half we made a few changes in personnel and formation.
4-4-2 with Ian moving to centre Midfield with Neal. Frankie replaced Alberto as a winger and Denys came on for Mustard but playing up top with Donno.
Frankie’s instructions were simple… run at their full back and connect up the play. Denys to hold the ball up.
We began okay second half we started to create a few chances but never really got in behind them. Except when Tony (I think) pinged a ball about 30 yards over the top when Glenn controlled like Messi with his left foot and shot across the goalkeeper from about 10 yards out. The keeper pulls off a worldy and knocks it around the post with his shin. Pressure was again mounting and whilst we were not showing our true quality we were doing our best to grind out a result. .
Soon after this the oppo countered and spent several minutes in our half where their winger skipped around Mustard who battled hard to catch him before Walshy dived in and gave away a pen. 0-2 Broomfield.
Heads began dropping but we only had ourselves to blame.
Frankie continued to upset the oppo by acting like a raging bull and chasing everything and leaving a foot in here and there. In doing so though he got injured (ankle) and the boars were forced to take him off.
Mustard came back on for what seemed like moments before Frankie decided he was fit again and wanted to go back on. Vin pulls mustard off AGAIN who seemed extremely upset to have been asked to be sub again. Walshy also goes down and hobbles off after a possible broken toe.
Another shake up required, mustard and Alberto back on and jack off.
New formation 3-4-3.
Ricardo is asked to push on and does a good job of providing a more direct route.  Neal was booked after having a disagreement with Tony and taking out on their midfielder with a lunging challenge. Ian got a yellow for grabbing the oppo players face (accidentally)
Right near the end of the game and with our lads having to go up field and gamble Broomfield  broke forward, Ian was our last man back but being turned inside out before their bloke  passed it in to the top corner. 0-3 Broomfield.
Bad result but we didn’t really deserve anything if we are honest.

Team

Fitz
Ricardo
Jack
Tony (capt)
Walshy
Glenn
Mustard
Neal
Alberto
Ian
Donno
Denys
Frankie

Following a hammering in game week one the 3s turned up seeking to put last weeks torment well and truly behind them. A dressing room full of new and old Merton blood sat eager to get things going. Fantastic timekeeping and mustard like money collecting started proceeding with clear intent to deliver a positive result. A clear dressing room veto on Ryan’s thoughts regarding dick of the day & match reporting was quickly decided with shouts of “who does he think he is? club secretary?” echoing in the air. With cliches ringing in everyone’s ears on how we will approach this game, each and every player contributed massively to what can only be described as an almost perfect day at the hood. Marred slightly by a very dubious sending off from both teams. More about that later.
With the oppo running late it was imperative that the 3s asserted themselves quickly. Captain for the day Vincenzo chose to go with the wind first half and it seemed like a wise call as Merton quickly found theirselves dominating possession with some slick passing on what was a very good pitch following Friday’s tsunami. It soon became apparent that this oppo were there for the taking and that we were a lot more focused this week. So we unleashed the reincarnation of Mr David Donavan (also known as Donno,donny and bloke upfront in mom nominations) Donno caused havoc to the Norseman defence with endless running, chasing down and ultimately a very well deserved hat trick and at least 8 assists, winning a penalty and hitting the post. (So he told me when I subbed him)
The first half went by very quickly and early on an almost fatal passage (which Iain was very unhappy about) of play between centre backs quickly turned into a goal for Merton on the break. Some neat passing in the middle of the pitch sent Andy off down the left who coolly slotted the ball sideways for Donno to get his first. This was followed up by lots of good football throughout the half. Although one pass from Neal in the left back position to Dan at right back caused a brief scare.(which Iain was very unhappy about) Dan at right back looked assured and comfortable playing the ball on the ground but was very happy to mix it up and send the ball up the line when needed. Vincenzo and Walshy dominated their forwards and gave very little away with Ricardo solid and willing to push on at left back. Both holding midfielders Neal and Darren (not Daz he is not a washing detergent) generally marshalled that area of the pitch breaking up any small threat caused and managed to control the game with some very decent passages of play from left to right and vice versa. Iain and Andy on both flanks always available and both happy to do their fair share of tracking back which helped the shape of the team immensely. Another attack saw Merton gain a corner and after a quick one two Iain was open around the back post, Neal knocked a ball just a little too long (which Iain was very unhappy about) and the chance disappeared. The second came with a mixture of pinball and quick feet from Neal, Joe (with beard) and Dan with Joe (with beard) neatly tucking home after a peach of a ball from Dan. There was also a penalty won by Donno who was clean through knocked it past the keeper then ran into him and the shouts and appeals were enough to convince the ref it was a foul. Ricardo offered pre match to take pens in search for his hat trick. He stepped up succeeding successfully in missing 3 pens in a row with shouts of LBW from the cricket match going on in the distance! (Although without a video umpire the batsman was given not out!) His frustration got the better of him picking up a cheeky yellow for a tackle soon after.
At this point in the match report there are certainly some worried men reading … Darcy (or is it Ben? no ones knows really), Dan K, Tony, Ryan, Mike Stone and Denyz all secretly thinking that they had better go training this week and they’d be right to be worried as the new Merton blood wanted to stake their claim on places and on this performance I am glad I am not Lofty. The second half kicked off continuing the same theme of dominance. With Frankie coming on at left mid for Ricardo and Joe (without beard) coming on for Joe(with beard)these hungry boars were ready to charge! Straight from kickoff the pressure was applied with Frankie bursting almost literally down the left and finally squaring it only for the keeper to make a solid save at the back post. Frankie and Iain continued to dominate their full backs and with Joe (without beard) bringing some beautiful footwork to proceedings Merton were coasting. Then the madness came the referee clearly bored he was not in the game enough decided to award a soft free kick against Merton, this resulted in a push in the head, a push back, a bit of squaring up and about 17 handbags. The ref calmed proceedings called both players over who had clearly resigned their selves to a stupid yellow each. only to be shocked the ref went to the dreaded shorts pocket and pulled out the red for both players. In disbelief both players left the pitch hugging, holding hands and vowing to take on the establishment together! Dave Loughton correctly brought me down to earth quickly in the bar telling me that I can appeal if I have video evidence. Unfortunately one player cam was focusing on Paul Walshy’s(Welchie’s) new fake Puma kings he purchased from Sports Direct earlier that day and the other was still searching for Ricardo’s penalty ball in the first half. The game was by no means over though there was still plenty of work to do and this was done professionally. Donno getting his Hat trick then getting subbed, Joe (without beard), Frankie and then Ricardo (with the goal of the day) finishing off a clearly desperate Norseman side. These goals were assisted but to be honest I can’t remember them as I was too busy sulking on the sideline however you can probably bet money at least one of them was called Joe (with or without beard) or Dan. There was still time for some more yellows from the ref and a goal from Norseman which they probably didn’t deserve. All in all a really assured performance from a clearly jubilant bunch of lads. The traditional one step beyond song was introduced to the new blood with Lofty even trying to get in on the act to celebrate a great result and we look forward to a local derby next week with that lot from Carshalton.

Mom; Donno but with some mentions to Joe(with beard) and Andy

A very close run Dick of the week contest between Neal (sending off) and Ricardo( pen miss) was sealed by Joe (without beard) who decided admirably he couldn’t vote for Ricardo for two games in a row hence my efforts in writing this report!
Great effort lads.
Team
Dan
Dan
Vincenzo (captain)
Walshy
Ricardo
Neal
Darren
Iain
Andy
Joe (with beard)
Donno

Joe (without beard) Frankie

The boars signed off what Mustard describes as “one of his top-4 most enjoyable Merton seasons” in blistering sunshine on a parched Hood pitch which offered plenty of uneven bounce and an abrasive surface that looked like it would shred a few knees. Irrespective of pitch, knee trouble is surely on the horizon for the 3 veterans who lined up at the back: Merton legends Mustard, Lofty and Walshy, with a cumulative age of just 128. Relative scamps Neal Davison and Ricardo supported at wing back with Dave Scott playing third wheel to Denys and Tom Benham up top, both in the hunt for club golden boot at kick off.

Merton started sharply, and almost scored straight from the kick-off as PJ fed Tom who skinned his man but dragged his shot between the far post and Denys arriving square. The hotly anticipated tackle-off in central midfield (not to be confused with the event of the same name in the showers afterwards) saw Pete Jennings and Ryan Gresty adopt differing tactics. The former went for quantity – racking up roughly one foul per minute until he was finally booked; while the latter went for quality – ending the game for Parks’ tricky striker 5 minutes in with a trademark cruncher on the edge of the box. Gresty 1, Parks Nil. More importantly, it was Merton 1, Parks Nil soon after, as Dave Scott neatly played Tom in behind who stood up a cross at the back stick which Denys met with a diving bullet header to draw level in the golden boot race.

After last week’s record number of spectators at the Hood, normal service was resumed with just Max and the odd dog-walker checking in on proceedings. Perhaps a reflection on the quality of fare dished up last week. But even Gresty Sr on the other side of London tells me he heard Welchy shout “PAULS!!” as Parks knocked a ball into the box following PJ’s umpteenth foul of the half. Up went Paul… down came Paul… and the ball was headed into the Merton net past a helpless, somewhat bemused Frankie. Questions were asked about who was marking the Parks goalscorer, but let’s not dwell on that…

A wobble ensued, and almost immediately from the kick off Frankie had to bravely block at the feet of the striker, earning a bang on the noggin for his troubles and ignoring the UEFA concussion protocol to return between the sticks. That said, Merton had the better of the first half and should have had a pen when PJ bustled into the box and was kicked in the face (“anywhere else on the pitch, that’s a foul” was predictably uttered). More so, Merton were competing hard and getting under the skin of the whinging opposition who laughably suggested we should be taking it easy because it was the last game of the season and they needed to win to be in with a shot at the title.

With requests for mercy politely rebuffed, Merton started the second half by gifting Parks a free kick on the edge of the box. The otherwise faultless Lofty culpable this time. The kick glanced off Neal’s arm on the end of a strangely located wall and into the net. 2-1 Parks, but plenty of time for Merton to get something from the game. On came Chris Pap, nodding just wide at the near post with his first touch, blaming a failure of eyewear/depth perception for getting his angles wrong. Then Dave Scott got the ball on the edge of the box following good work on the left from Nick Pap. 4 defenders were in close proximity, so Dave tried the old Pro Evo trick of dribbling around in the box waiting for someone to foul him. Alas no foul came and Dave eventually shot wide.

In between Merton attacks Parks had plenty coming the other way, even if they didn’t really trouble Frankie again. Mustard was having a relatively quiet game at the back so, keen to be more involved, pushed on into midfield where he won a commanding header 20 yards backwards. Wing back Neal was also having a lonely time of it, starved of the ball for the most part. But on the other wing, Ricky wasn’t going to let trivial matters like the absence of the ball get in the way of a good kick, as he picked up a card for a clumsy hack at an opposition midriff. Walking a tightrope, he then put it the slide tackle of the day on The Riddler, who must be asking some serious questions of himself having been “solved” by Walshy (late handbags notwithstanding) before a mangling at the hands of the shortest man on the pitch.

Merton huffed and puffed but without sufficient composure and the game ended in a slightly harsh 2-1 defeat. Indiscipline throughout the 90 offered Parks too many opportunities to put the ball in the box, which ultimately cost us the game. What was not in question was effort and commitment, as has been the case all season and was typified by Ricardo’s energetic MOM performance. And by avoiding a 6-goal reverse we secured third position in the final league standings. Add to that having both the club’s top goalscorers in our ranks, incredible availability north and south of the river all year and even the odd good tune from Mustard’s iPod and it’s been a fine season for the boars.

MOM: Ricardo
DOTM: Walshy

Frankie
Mike Reed
Simon White
Paul Welch
Neal Davison
Ricardo Inglesias
Ryan Gresty
Pete Jennings
Tom Benham
Denys Zhurbiy
Dave Scott
Nick Papanastasiou
Chris Papanastasiou

****Warning, the below report is offensive to the eyes****
As little can be said about this result, the better, but I will give you a brief rundown of events:
Match Stats brought to you by Ricki’s Dog.

                        Merton / Old Blues

Goals Scored.        1 / 2
Shots on target.      1 / 2
Shots off target.     68 / 0
Corners.                   27 / 1
Penalties missed.      2 / 0
Open goals missed.  1 / 0

With FA cup fever in the air, Merton heading to their home away from home, Wimbledon Common Extensions. Opposition were Old Blues 3’s who were looking for their 1st win this year, and all season come to think about it…
Mood in the camp was good, even after the 30min pitch inspection.
No sounds system bangers in the changing room was, in hindsight a fatally flaw in proceedings, so with DJ Pap’s on the “1’s n 2’s”, Merton got ready to commence battle.
The game started, much as the Chelsea vs MK Dons game did, with Merton having all of the possession and knocking the ball around nicely. Like Chelsea, Merton could have been 9.0 by half time, but that’s where the similarities stop.
Instead Merton were only 1.0 up, thanks to Darcy, with the only shot on target that half.
(In fairness, Merton hit the post and the cross bar twice, but as the saying goes, almost doesn’t count).
Half time brought some reassuring words from ‘el Capitano’. Complacency needed to be thrown out of the window and we needed to start punishing them. Tactically we singled out there right back (who couldn’t actually kick the ball) as the weakest link…just.
New goalkeeper signing Besty aka ‘Beasty’ wondered what he had let himself in for. 45min on a muddy pitch, in the wind and rain and he hadn’t touched the ball yet.
So the 2nd half started, much like the 1st with Merton dominating and missing the target. A rare attack saw Old Blues get there first corner of the game.
I’m not sure what happened, maybe Merton forgot what an opposing corner looked like, but needless to say, the deadly right back who struggled with his feet, lost his marker and headed home a good goal.
Beasty 1st touch for his new found club was getting the ball out of his own net…
Old Blues had the wind in their sails now and the pressure was on.
Now Merton had 2 choices, BOAR up and be counted or fall to pieces.
After a sticky start since conceding the goal, Merton started to find their way again.
Some lovely football set Donno through clear on goal. After beating the keeper, and with only an open goal in front of him, dear Dave wanted to make life interesting for his team mates.
Maybe he was thinking of his celebration already, or maybe the curse of being ‘Dick of the Day’ last week caught up with him, anyway, he knocked it wide.
Never the less, Merton continued to push and miss the target. Then, out of nowhere, Old Blues goal keeper came steaming out and took out a Merton player inside the box. Clear pen.
Was Merton luck about to change???
This time, it was the turn for another Dave to step up and be counted (despite not being penalty taker and refusing to give it up to the inform, deadly striker Darcy 😉
The Old Blues keeper, who had asked to borrow a pair of goalkeeper gloves before the game, took his spot on the line. Dave stepped up, gave the keeper the eye and hit it straight at him.
Old Blues players started celebrating by doing the GangMan style dance around the Ref. Si (the Ref) was having none of it and ordered a retake.
In screens, which have never before been seen, the keeper proceeded to save the 2nd pen. One of the fans went on record saying “Unbelievable Jeff”.
With Merton not put off by these remarkable series of events, they continued to look for the 2nd goal.
Merton won their 27th corner of the game.
(Apologies again for not knowing entirely what happened here, but it looked like something that I have not seen since year 6 at primary school, playing football in the playground). So Merton take the corner, Old Blues get the ball and score to make it 1.2 to the visitors.
New boy Beasty gets his 2nd touch of the game, again picking the ball out the net.
(Beasty did make a save 1st, but the story sounds better my way!).
Merton tried in vain to find an equaliser, with more way ward shooting.
Old Blues didn’t make it easy for Merton, by making substitutes every time the ball went out of play for the last 10min of the game.  
In the end, it was a very sobering defeat for Merton.
Old Blues players have never been so happy, and in the scenes that followed, I genuine thought they had won the FA cup, Champagne was being sprayed, wives and kids were on the pitch, it was pandemonium.  
BOARS need to take a long hard look at themselves in the water hole and learn how to shot (on target).
“Merton are still looking for their 1st win of 2016… Pressure is growing on the board to take action and bring in Jose Mourinho… ” (The Sunday Sport Supplement in the Merton times dated 31.1.16).  

Man of the Match: Darcy, closely followed by the rule setter Neil.

Dick of the Dave: Dave, closely followed by… you guessed it, Dave D.

Ben Yates