Category: Match Reports 3s

Merton 3s Vs Actonian’s

 

Game day, rain day.  With no win’s yet the 3s were ready and motivated to go out and get some points and with NEIL DAVIDSON back in the middle we looked to have a solid team.

 

The game kicked off and very early a simple ball over the top for Actonian’s left Merton 1-0 down. Merton pressed forwards with a few chances lending to a corner, Nathen took it whipping a ball in with a Actonian’s player heading the ball goalward and the ball being knocked in by Sam (Blonde). The game started to get heated as Mustard fouled a player jumping for a ball as all hell broke loss. Actonian’s  #12 who can only be described as a pitball on steroids then retaliated but taking joe out from behind in a tackle that earned him a yellow (should have been a red). The game continued and the ref continued to give out cards like a horny teen on valentine’s day.

 

The 2^nd half and both teams not really having many chances until a Actonian’s move sees a player just outside the box who dropped a shoulder sending Mike to the shops for some tea and biscuits leaving him free too shoot, Actonian’s 2-1. Merton pushed back with Ryan send a ball into the box which was knocked in by Adam leaving Billy to head the ball home for a simple finish, 2-2. A few players needing to go off injured and the lack of subs left Merton struggling for the last 10 and it showed as Actonian’s managed to break through and get a winner in the last 5. 3-2

 

MOTM-Neil.

DOTD-Billy.

Merton 3s vs Carashalton 3s

Saturday rolled around once again and the 3s were looking to pick up their first win of the season. The opposition were the notoriously tough Carshalton and everyone was aware it was going to be a hard match in which preparation before the game would be key to get everyone prepared. Luckily everyone in the team had been briefed the week before by Mustard about the importance of turning up on time and how it would help turnaround our wayward start to the season. Iain sent out a message in the group chat about turning up early to support the lower teams in the club, so there was no possibility of anyone turning up late today surely?! How wrong that turned out to be! Not long after midday the first worrying text arrived from Billy who informed us that his train was cancelled and the next was not until near 1pm. One player late is not that much of an issue and it wouldn’t be a drastic problem… if not for the fact that off the football field Billy, Britney and Nathan are rarely seen more than a metre apart from one another! (You really do have to feel sorry for the ladies in their lives) So the three musketeers were late and stranded, fortunately Vin swooped in to save the day and get them to the Hood. The late brigade didn’t stop there though with Joe also suffering from his train arriving late, which makes a change from himself as he normally arrives too soon (According to his Mrs). With the team arriving in dribs and drabs the biggest shock of the day happened, Aaron Byrne arrived only 10 minutes late! A massive congratulations to him on his struggle of living so much further away from the hood than the rest of us and also his daily battle with the concept of time. With the playlist of Reality TV booming out in the background and with Alexandra Burke’s ‘Hallelujah’ in the mix how could the team not be motivated for this massive cup game!

Anyway onto the football! The boars were looking to build upon their fantastic end to the game last week and starting with a strong lineup of Iain in goal after his De Gea-esque performance last week (De Gea during the World Cup that is), in front of him a pacey back 4 of Mustard at right back, a returning centre-back pairing of Vin and Adam, with Ryan at left back. In the middle of the park we had Sam, Lofty and Joe which followed on from the pacey theme shown in the back four… Then up top that left Billy, Aaron and Britney, a relatively slow front three in comparison to the rest of the team. With Fitz and Nathan on the bench we had the perfect combination of pace, power, youth and Fitz was also there. (Please don’t bench me!)  With the Carshalton players bringing down all their family and friends to support we were playing in front of a sellout crowd as the game got underway. The boars started the livelier of the two teams and picking up from the energy and fight we were showing last week, we largely dominated the opening proceedings although we were struggling to make the ball stick up top with Billy and Britney opting to flick the ball on instead of controlling it. The midfield was a good battle which we were largely winning as they only had one real threat who we were managing to keep quiet. With Adam and Vin dominating in the air there were not many chances of note in the first half. The one stand out moment being when we were heartlessly denied a penalty by the ref after Aaron was played through and beat the keeper to the ball but was caught by the keeper in the process, yet the ref allowed play to carry on! Nobody ask Aaron about this in the future though as he will point out the tiny mark on his leg where the keeper brushed his thigh. Half time rolled around and for once the boars were going into halftime with a clean sheet and a goal less game so far! The team talk was asking for generally more of the same and the team went out into the second half unchanged. Again the boars were dominating from the start and set pieces were aplenty with the number of fouls Carshalton were giving away. We won a corner and Adam went up to take it, whipping in a lovely ball from the right, Lofty winning the flick on at the near post and the ball ping-ponged all over the place before falling to the feet of Aaron Byrne who volleyed the ball into the ground and it bounced up and came back off the bar! So close to making it a deserved 1-0 to Merton. It was clear their centre backs didn’t like it in the air and Iain’s kick were causing them plenty of problems. We were pushing them further and further into their own half when we won a freekick on the right hand side of the box. Adam again whipped it in with his left foot and again the ball was bouncing around the box before falling to Aaron again! This time he made no mistake and with his left foot buried the ball into the bottom corner! 1-0 to the boars! Unfortunately this goal seemed to light a spark in Carshalton, they came out fighting and we were firmly on the back foot. Wave after wave of attack came with Merton resisting every single one of them. Until disaster struck! A Carshalton corner whipped in was headed back across at the back post, their player toe poked the ball on the six yard towards goal…

The following is a completely unbiased and accurate description of the events that unfolded.

Ryan, who was on the post, sensed the danger and in a desperate bid to prevent his team from going behind threw his leg in front of the ball in a split second reaction! He did all he could given the circumstances and did the unimaginable and managed to make contact with the ball, which was already heading firmly for the back of the net. (From his perspective) Unfortunately the contact was off his shin and the ball found the back of the net anyway, but the heroic attempt to stop it did not receive the adulation it deserved and was met with comments like ‘Shocking own-goal’ which we will get to after the football.

So it was 1-1 and Merton’s lead was shattered. The remainder of the game was all Merton once again with them throwing everything forward. A good interchange on the left between Nathan and Ryan, who was determined to make up for his earlier ‘mistake’, lead to Ryan firing a delightful ball across the face of the six yard box that alluded everyone and went out for a goal kick. Merton launched attack after attack but no goal came and the 90 minutes were up.  Extra time was to follow! The team had given there all and there were some tired legs out there and to make things worse the water bottles were all empty! Water was scarce and what little we had was being shared out amongst the team.

We interrupt this match report to launch an urgent appeal, for just £20 a month you can help provide clean fresh drinking water for Merton 3s at all their games. In this tough climate, playing football is becoming more and more difficult and clean water is hard to come by, please give what you can and help keep your football team hydrated. Thank you.

Extra time kicked off and the boars were raring to go. With tired legs the game became very end to end with chances a plenty for both sides. Neither could take advantage though, the best chance came from a Merton counter attack Nathan ran onto a ball on the left wing and found Ryan on the edge of the box supporting him. Ryan dropped the shoulder and got the ball onto his right and unleashed a venomous shot that was curling and seemed destined for the bottom corner, could this be his redemption?! Unfortunately not as the Carshalton keeper somehow produced an incredible save and tipped it just around the post! The pressure was growing though and Merton seemed due a goal, with us winning a freekick just in the Carshalton half could this be our chance? The delivery couldn’t beat the first man and the ball fell to a Carshalton player who started a counter. With a ball played over the top their quick winger got there first and was baring down on goal. The defence desperately tried to keep up to no avail and their winger played the ball past Iain to their striker who was the only player in the six yard box and was clearly offside… Not according to the ref as he pointed to the centre circle and the boars were 2-1 down completely against the run of play.

The team went all out attack in an attempt to just nick a goal to keep us in the game, however Carshalton defended resolutely and the goal was not forthcoming, meaning we again were beaten by just the one goal! The positive signs of improvement were there again though, with the front three gelling well and the fight and desire being shown by every player if we continue in this form the win must surely be on its way! In the bar afterwards the man of the match votes and dick of the day nominations were being cast. MOTM was a clear winner with Adam dominating everything in the air and on the ground as well as proving himself as a fantastic set piece taker. DOTD was also a runaway with Ryan being brutally victimised and blamed for his apparent ‘Own goal’, although Joe did give him a run for his money with votes in such as not being able to play a pass. However it wasn’t enough to save Ryan from gracefully necking a pint and claiming the honour of writing the match report. Hopefully that’s the last time this season and I apologise to those I did not offend, I will do my best should there be a next time! Onto next week where we will pick up our first win of the season!

Squad: Iain, Mustard, Vin, Adam, Ryan, Sam, Lofty, Joe, Britney, Billy, Aaron #

Subs: Fitz, Nathan

MOTM: Adam

DOTD: Ryan

The 3rds second outing of the season was against Old Reigatians in the cup, after an opening day 3-1 reversal at Polytechnic our thoughts turned to the road to Wembley ( or whatever the cup final equivalent is for us)

After a bit of crack filling and so classic noughties tracks the game kicked off.

In the early exchanges the boars got the ball down and produced a few neat interchanges but never quite found the cutting edge once in the final third and the first 20 passed with reasonably quietly. That all changed at about the mid point of the first half.

From our own goal kick the ball was given away and with players out of position it only took a couple of passes for Reigatians to fashion a decent opening and put the ball past Ryan Collier in the Merton goal.

Within 5 minutes it was 0-2, the balm was turned over half way inside the opposition half but with far to many men in advanced positions it was fairly straight forward for the opposition to again threaten the home goal. This lead to a shot from the away side that was destined for the goalkeepers arm to be deflected agonisingly past the stranded Ryan C by Joe Vaughan. So at half time the boars trailed 0-2

The second half kicked off and thing pretty quickly went from bad to worse.

From an opposition corner Neal Davison inexplicably decided to produce his best Maradona impression, the eagle eyed ref awarding the spot kick much to the ire of Diego Davison who claimed to have been “pushed”. The penalty was promptly dispatched making the score 0-3.

At that point a little tactical tinkering from the gaffer and his cohort of technical advisors on the side line seemed to do the trick as the boars maintained some decent possession but again the lack of quality in the final third meant all our endeavours came to nought. The best opportunity falling to Joe Vaughan who finding himself in the middle of the box and with time to pick his spot proceeded to essentially pass the ball back to the keeper. With the game becoming more stretched Reigatians broke down field and were awarded a second spot kick when Iain Evans was harshly adjudged to have unlawfully stopped the attacker in the penalty area, after the game the challenge would be compared to a WWE wrestling move!

Again the penalty was converted and so ended the 3’s involvement in the SFA cup for another year.

MoM – Vin
DoD – Iain

Merton 1-3 Polytechnic

With the return of Mustard to the Whatsapp group and the introduction of the newbies to the group rules, Merton 4’s were getting ready for some action away against Polytechnic.

A quick team talk by Iain before the start of the match gave the boars confidence to try and win the match.

The game started a bit slow with possession of the ball from both sides, however, Poly managed to complete more passes than us mainly playing on the left side with their winger and fullback joining the attack, producing a few instances that could have ended up in a goal. Luckily we had MOM Ryan playing left back and displaying some good and timed tackles that managed to keep the opposition from scoring and creating chances.

Our keeper also did put some good saves in the first half which enabled the team to try and counter attack. There was only one real chance for us in the first half to convert from a through pass from the middle of the park into the box which our striker (not sure of his name – Sam maybe?) didn’t manage to convert.

No changes made for the second half and after just under ten minutes Poly managed to score, 1-0 for the opposition and already under a lot of pressure. After a foul throw from Mustard, I think he decided he had enough (of his injury appearing again of course), and asked to come off.

I’m not sure how or why but our keeper suddenly struggled to kick the ball from his own area, unfortunately, this cost us a second goal from Poly as the ball did just manage to go over the penalty area. That was it 2-0 down.

I (Ricky) was increasingly frustrated with the referee decisions as no offsides were called off, allowing the opposition to play on few clear offsides occasions.

Even more when we were unable to complete good passes, or simply holding the ball, and yes I’m talking about you Billy!

When I thought that we were going to get one back as Neal put a lob pass over the defense, Poly’s last man handled the ball inside the box and the referee blows the whistle and to my surprise, it was for a foul from me apparently. No way, this ref is blind I thought and shouted.

The opposition managed to score after that again and I managed to get sin-binned and consequently DOD.

On the last few minutes, Merton carried on with ten men and somehow Willy (as he was going to post on Facebook) score with a decent finish. Final result 3-1 to Poly.

In every end, there is also a beginning. Let’s begin a good season on our next game and stay positive.

 

MOM – Ryan Burchell

DOD – Ricky

Having recorded back to back 2-1 victories the boars had high hopes of continuing their fight to avoid the drop and confidence was high against mid table opposition with nothing to play for.

The game kicked off in glorious conditions with Merton adopting the same 3-5-2 formation that had served them well in previous weeks. The boars started off ok looking to utilise the width through Sam K on the right and Glenn on the left with Fitz and Denys providing the outlet up front. The first 25 minutes where characterised by Merton having most of the ball but not quite finding the final pass or snatching at shots, things had been reasonably comfortable in the defensive third with South Bank not really threatening Sams goal.
However from the first corner of the game for the opposition the ball was swung into the back post where an unmarked player easily put them into the lead with much discussion as to who’s man it actually was.

The goal seemed to knock the boars off there stride and the opposition started to dominate the play, this lead to another corner being given away, the opposition spotted the chance to play a short corner quickly and without any challenge on the player in possession the ball was worked into the area and hammered home from 10 yards with no problem at all. The boars went in at the break 2-0 down having switched off twice and been punished as a result.

After some much needed fluids and some shouting the second half began, the boars determined to get something out of the game.
Again getting into some good advanced positions through the lively Aaron and Glenn but never finding that final touch to get the goal that would hopefully be the catalyst for a comeback. As the half wore on the game was getting more stretched with the heat starting to produce mistakes from all the players, the boars finally broke there duck for the afternoon when a cross from Sam K found the unmarked Denys near the penalty spot and he made no mistake with a low shot to the keepers bottom left corner. With ten minutes remaining one last effort was made to grab a point and although the boars pushed hard in the final few minutes the equaliser could not be found, Walshy making a swashbuckling run from left sided centre back into the oppos area and firing just wide. The match ending 2-1 to South Bank, notable performances from Sam K, Aaron and Neil but MOM went to Glenn for his all round quality display.

Only a win will do in our final match to secure our division one status for next year.

Stay tuned!

Match report – Saturday 28th April

ACTONIANS ASSOCIATION 4s vs MERTON 3s

 

On the back of a fine win the previous week, there was a buzz in the Merton 3s pre-match change room and it wasn’t coming from the speaker. The playlist theme was ‘songs from the year you were born’ – an eclectic mix of disco bangers and tunes they used to play in the dining room of my late nan’s nursing home.  Nevertheless, there was an electricity in the air and a glow about the team. Something magical was about to happen.

 

The first 5 minutes of the game featured a Merton side literally still finding their feet. It appeared some genius had decided to mow the grass in between and around each of the football pitches but avoided the actual playing surface. After steadying the ship, the 3s hunger and energy soon took control of the game. A masterclass by Mustard, Walshy, and Iain in defensive discipline provided the foundations for increasingly extended periods of attack which, after a hard fought 30(ish?) minutes, rewarded the mighty Boards with a freekick just outside the opposition’s 18. Glenn steps up and the free kick is executed perfectly, whereby the ball was crossed in without much power sort of to the left of the keeper, and everybody else went to header it but then missed. 1 – nil Merton.

 

The closing minutes of the first half were as tough as the opening and it would have been 1 – 1 at the break if not for the flying aerobatics of Coach – Keeper Fitz. After the save, Fitz was confused and could not remember where he was or what had happened – a situation he finds himself in most Saturdays but not usually as early as 4pm.

 

After a 2 minute half-time of everyone talking over each other about different aspects of the game, the 3s ran into the second 45 with a renewed aggression and eyes firmly on the prize. No major changes in formation or strategy from the first half, and possession seemed to be split fairly evenly. Some rotations in the midfield made way for super-sub Luke who came on and made it 2 zip with a delicious, curling shot that I’ll be dreaming about for weeks. Aaron came on up top and made some great runs through the opposition back line – providing a crucial avenue for Merton to remain on the front foot. Actonians weren’t handing it over, picking it up a little with a goal of their own with 20(ish?) to go. However, the Boars held a good shape and kept running until the final whistle. A hard fought game, a just result, 2 on the trot.

 

Final score: Merton 3s win 2:1

Team: Fitz, Iain, Mustard, Walshy, Lofty, Neal, Glenn, Andy, Sam, DK, Denys, Luke, Akram, Aaron

Scorers: Glenn, Luke

M.O.M: Iain – superb defensive organisation

D.O.D: Sam – I’d rather not talk about it

MERTON 3S VS HSBC 3S

The postponements had finally caught up with the 3s as we had to play our first midweek game of the season.

As we all turned up one by one from everyone rushing to make the game from work, we were out and warming up. HSBC definitely turned up one by one as they only had 9 for kick off with the other two players turning up later.

The game started and within a minute, Denys smashed one home to put the Boars ahead. From them it was one way traffic for the first half hour with the bar being hit twice from two consecutive corners. Casual passing round the back at times allowed HSBC to break in only for Sam to keep them out on both occasions. The two chances they mustered clearly wasn’t enough excitement for Sam, as a long ball was put through and he came storming out to be the sweeper keeper only to give it a Paul Robinson air kick and let them in Vin to clear up behind him.

After that scare, a long ball of our own put DK through to calmly place it beyond the keeper to make it a more comfortable 2-0 to the boars at half time.

Start of the second half, and I was more of the same from the Boars, as we pressed and pressed but we just didn’t want to score as we hit the woodwork…again! Missed chances were punished as the visitors got one back and made the game seem more interesting than it actually was.

With HSBC pressing ion it allowed gaps to appear for the boars to exploit, but not effectively as crosses from both Neal and Glenn either didn’t beat the first man, was way to over hit, or just went over the bar, all of which are not useful.

Full time blew and it was a rare win for the boars and an even rarer League double over our opponents which lifted us above them in the table.

The game could have been much better but we came away with the win, that’s what counts.

BRING ON SATURDAY!

Line up: Sam (GK), Dan R, Vin, Mario, Glenn, Iain, Neal, Dan B, Darcy, Fitz & Denys. Subs: DK, Lofty, Walshy.

MOM: DK

DOD: Glenn

Merton 3s 0-3  Polytechnic 4th

After all the rain we have had in south west London over the last 2 months, the game was unlikely to be played, but with a very late pitch inspection on Saturday morning, we were all pleasantly surprised that it was GAME ON.

Most of us turned up on time, but it was a little odd not having our captain around (get fit soon Reedy). Nevertheless, we took to the field with a couple of new faces in the squad – namely Sam SR , EJ, Robert and the fat middle age guy going by the name of Darcy AKA (Shit DJ).

To be fair to him, the fat middle aged guy could play a bit. I would have liked to have seen him play a decade ago, when three stone lighter!

This week’s match report is going to be a little different to the normal format. With age not on my side, and with a shocking memory, it will have precious little detail of the game.  This is unlike Reedy, Lofty and DK that have the powers of superman to recall photographic detail when it comes down to remembering stuff about games. You should put them to the test.

About the game.

After a little debate with the Ref about which of the pitches was best to play on, he decided that the only pitch which would permit the game to go ahead was the 1’s pitch. Once we got the goals out, warmed up and had the team talk (we went with a 4 – 5 – 1 formation), it was time to get things started.

First half Merton 0 – 3 Poly – Poly played better than us and deserved to be 3 up. Yes, one of the goals was offside, but we could have few complaints. 

Second half Merton 0 – 0 Poly – Merton played much better. We didn’t create too much, but we stopped Poly from playing, and battled hard right to the end.

Final score for those who can’t work it out yet: Merton lost 3 -0

If we can get the balance right between youth & experience, Legs & legs have gone a little, Fit & not so fit, I think that, based on the hard work, skill and desire shown in the second half, next season will be interesting.

MOTM: Vin, and rightly so. Solid, and I’m talking about this performance here. Also I would like to single out Mario, who played very well.

DOTD: Welchy. The person who can’t tell the difference between me, “a six feet plus black guy”, and Sam – a five feet 9ish slim white guy with a full beard…please book yourself an eye test. SpecSavers has great offers, and most companies will pay for you to get one.

For the record, I did not do a foul throw. I agree that  I did not have the best of games and rightly got two votes for DOTD,  But Sam should have got DOTD …………….

”You should have gone to SpecSavers”

Anyway, this brings me to my final point. As most of you are fully aware I’ll be 49 this year and have played for Merton for 18 years, but it’s time for me to hang my boots up. (I have 2 pairs of adidas world cup boots, size 10 ½ for sale. POA.)

Merton FC has and will always play a massive part of my life. I’ve meet so many great people and have had lots of great memories, but it’s time that I spend a little more time with my family. My kids are of the age that I should be with them on a Saturday afternoon and not trying to play football. For those of you who I’ve played with over the years… THIS TIME I MEAN IT! Big love and thanks Merton FC for giving me so much.  

Team

Sam

Welchy Haydon Vin Iain

Ricky Dan Neil Darcy EJ

Denys

Subs

Robert Mario Robert

Kind regards

Paul Welch

Picture of Welchy 

Merton 3s 3 – 4 Alleyn Old Boys 4s

With the recent wild weather and the SAL’s “we don’t fancy it so we’ll cry off” policy conspiring to deprive the Boars of football for over a month, appetite was high leading up to this clash. After it, another month off would work for me as Merton lost a distinctly unpleasant contest by the odd goal in 7.

Merton Council’s policy of turning the changing room heating up to full whack just in time for summer didn’t help an already ailing Glenn, suffering from another presumed STI. Barry and Ricky didn’t even see the inside of the changing room, thanks to the unforeseen Saturday traffic that also delayed the oppo. Regardless, both teams started with 11 and the ref blew his whistle right on time, not that you could hear it above the din the 1s were making on the top pitch. Glenn set his health concerns to one side and put the Boars ahead before calling for the touchline oxygen. Mustard and Lofty engaged in a bout of head tennis in the centre circle, before the latter nodded forward to Denys whose flick put Glenn in on goal where he made no mistake. Mistakes were made down the other end as Gresty flicked a free kick into his own net to level it, and sort out the DoTD debate nice and early. Before that, a frantic minute in the Merton box saw the workwork hit 3 times (one being the crossbar miraculously hit from a yard out), the ball cleared off the line a couple of times and a penalty shout turned down. Merton had little to shout about themselves up the other end but all square at half time felt about right.

The half time break was notable for Ricardo asking if anyone had a spare pair of boots, because he hadn’t brought any to this particular football match. Cue incredulous looks all round. Back underway, Merton took the lead when Gresty nicked the ball and played a rampaging Barry into the box, where he was promptly scythed down. Penalty, and even the gobby oppo couldn’t complain about this call… not that it stopped the gobby oppo complaining about this call. Denys hammered home the spot kick and with half an hour to see off Merton were looking good. This triggered a decisive substitution as Alleyns brought on a ridiculous looking character sporting pink locks like a My Little Pony doll. In fairness, he was a fine player and a minute after coming on beat a couple of men and rifled past Sam to make it 2-2.

The goal of the game followed. Lofty knocked a solo kick off out to the left for Barry to run on to. Barry stormed down the wing and whipped a sumptuous cross into the Alleyns box… where not a single yellow shirt could be found. No matter, as the left back strode onto the cross and clinically half-volleyed it beyond his bemused keeper into the net. Back came Alleyns again as a cross from the right saw My Little Pony steal in to add his second. 3-3, and a game that could have gone either way. By this point, Alleyns had committed what seemed like hundreds of men forward and they were on the ascendancy. Welchy and Risty did their best to repel the onslaught, while PQ made up for an unusually quiet Iain by moaning loudly about the lack of Merton midfield cover, including that from big brother DQ, now deployed in a latter-day Mark Hughes role somewhere between midfield and attack.

The winning goal came controversially, as their forward controlled a bouncing ball with his hand before firing into the net. The eagle eyed ref spotted the infringement, but decided this was accidental and the goal stood. Thanks.

Behind for the first time in the game, Merton pushed forward. Walshy made a rare foray into the box from open play then theatrically flung himself to the floor. Then Mustard went on whatever the opposite of a mazy run is; dribbling in a dead straight line from the centre circle to goal line near the corner flag, where he kicked it out for a goal kick. Good stuff. Merton had one last chance when Glenn, back on field after the all clear from the doctors, couldn’t beat the keeper from a tight angle.

That was that, another tight loss and in truth an outing in which Merton never really found top gear. At the final whistle, Alleyns decided to forgo the traditional handshakes in favour of a bit of a ruck which continued into the changing rooms. Classy.

Merton: Sam S-R, Iain, Walshy, Risty, PQ, Mustard, Gresty, Lofty, Glenn, DQ, Ricardo, Barry, Fitz, Denys

Merton 3s v Alleyn Old Boys:  1-2

 

There is potential for confusion regarding which match this refers to as it could be read out of chronological order.  This is due to Walshy’s apparent failure to successfully send the match report (from the previous game), to the right e-mail address.  He claims to have written it.  Why did he send it to the wrong e-mail address?  Why is his e-mail not accessible through his phone?  Why is he ignoring chaser messages in the WhatsApp group?  Has he even written the report?  To be able to successfully answer these questions is to understand the technological dinosaur with an inability to focus on detail, that is Walshy.  To avoid any confusion, this match report refers to the Boars’ game against Alleyn Old Boys on Saturday 24 February 2018.

 

Friday 23 February 2018, the match day WhatsApp group is created.  It’s evident that the availability epidemic has struck again, with a squad of 12 and 4 new lads in the group.  As it was an away game, we knew Darcy wouldn’t be playing, also Mario seems to retired through injury and DK can’t quite shift his damaged toenail.   

On to the line up, Walshy, fresh from a late night poker session and being our tallest player, didn’t seem to be keen to play outfield and started getting changed into the keeper’s kit.  This was a clear indication that he was going to be replacing our goal scoring, elderly relative birthday partier, keeper Sam Singer-Ripley.  As is quite standard these days, our entire back four was made up of players that don’t naturally identify as defenders, with Iain showing his versatility and playing at CB.  The midfield 5 saw the introduction of 3 debutants, Akram, Sam and Vladimir.  This left the Beast from the East as our sole striker and Matt Shreeve, who must have thought the kick off time was the meet time as our one sub.  The crocked Fitz was running things from the sidelines.

 

Mustard’s first job was to win the toss, which he successfully did.  He opted (after some deep analysis with Walshy) to play into the wind and allow the oppo to defend with the bright winter sun in their eyes.  Keep it tight in the first half and then let them have the onslaught in the second half.

 

The Boars settled into the game well and on a small pitch were able to play a high pressing game combined with some good incisive football, which with Iain and Neal as ball playing CBs and Ricky as a Neymar like left back, we were always looking to play or take the ball out from the back.  Akram and AHR led the pressing game really well and this resulted in the opposition losing possession a number of times.  This gave the veteran Lofty a chance to showcase his passing game, given that he wasn’t required to do doggies all game.  Vladimir showed a calmness on the ball, as well as penchant for Olympic diving, to link up very well with his teammates.  In particular this led to the opening goal with the high press resulting in Denys receiving the ball and playing a one two with Vladimir before placing a calm composed (this really doesn’t sound like Denys) past the keeper to give the Boars the lead at half time.  Another debutant, Sam Kapadia lined up on the right hand side of midfield and had a solid start to his Merton career by being a good outlet and providing good defensive cover when needs be.

 

Shortly before half time, Matt Shreeve was bought on for his debut (as he’d finally arrived and got some kit on).  It was immediately evident that Matt possesses the pace of the like that we’ve never seen before, by latching on to a ball that the defender must have had a 30 metre head start – it all looked very promising for the second half.

 

In the second half, we couldn’t quite get our attacking game together, as the deemed advantage of the wind, meant in practice that we were over hitting our passes on the small pitch and therefore it was harder to utilise Matt’s pace and get in behind them.  Matt did have a great chance when put through on goal but lofted the ball just over the bar.  Tempers started to fray on the pitch (the oppo’s not ours) and this resulted in one of their players being sin binned.  Composed defending at the back was keeping our lead in tact.  Although with twenty minutes to go, the ball was lost on our left hand side and we didn’t clear our lines.  This resulted in their left midfielder picking the ball up and shooting past Walshy, whom had been having an impressive game in goal (other than a reluctance to talk to his defenders and responding with “f*** off” when being advised to do so).  Walshy made a few more good saves and Merton occasionally broke.   One such opportunity saw Mustard break into the box and he was clipped as he went in, which naturally resulted in him hitting the deck (as a player of that speed and huge upper body strength, would clearly be knocked off balance, if kicked in the ankle).  The opposition decided to call it as a dive, which it clearly wasn’t.  Perhaps they’d been influenced by the other diving calls they’d made throughout the game and were just creating fake news.  The ref clearly didn’t think it was a dive, as he didn’t give it as such but regrettably a large chunk of the Boars squad had been sucked into such fake news and felt it worthy of a dick of the day nomination.  In doing so, not feeling that some even more compelling acts were not worthy of winning.  Ricky was nominated for diving although his foul throw was missed.  Vladimir then copied Ricky by doing his own foul throw and then proceeded to do at least two dives of his own.  It was an absolute travesty that a non dive should be designated as a dive and then win the DOTD award ahead of more compelling acts!

 

Things were all square with a minute to go when AOB had one last push and seemed to send everyone up in open play, which left a 7 foot 2 inches CB to tower over Mustard who had two players on him to get his head on the ball to claim a last minute winner.  Gutting conclusion to what had been a really even game, with a much-improved performance from the Boars.

 

One footnote, the move from full back to CB for Iain seemed to have a massively calming effect on him and we saw none of the “Angry Iain” verbals that we’ve come to know and (not) love.  This resulted in him having a very good game.  More of the same please.  However it seems that by him not being angry, it must have transferred to Ricky, who received 2 nominations for DOTD for his verbals (by unnecessarily picking fights with a team mate for nonsensical matters).

 

Finally, MOTM, Akram, a very solid debut typified with decent passing and tenacious tackling  / hassling of the opposition.  Well done.

Team: Walshy, Mustard (captain), Iain Evans, Neal Davison, Ricardo Iglesias, Sam Kapadia, Akram Choudhury, AHR, Lofty, Vladimir Melechestev, Denys Zhurbiy.  Sub:  Matt Shreeve

 

Goal: Denys Zhurbiy

MOTM:  Akram

DOTD: Mustard (for being fouled in the box without the referee awarding any infringement of football law)