Year: 2017

MERTON FC 0
South Bank 1
W e lost 1-0. The goal was an absolute bag o’shite, being as it was scored from a corner ballooned up into the air
and poked in during the resultant in-box melee with all the grace of Jason Thomas trying to reach down and touch
his aging toes during warm-up. Talking of JT, he didn’t last the match, winning a  50/50 battle after an hour but
sadly losing the injury war.
Such battles were a feature of a game that took place on a pitch more sticky than Jordan’s y-fronts after a night
with one of his ‘Scouse princesses’. Incidentally, Holder Ross, who was  involved in many a midfield ding-dong, has
a new princess of his own who he revealed was acquired in no small part thanks to liquid lubrication provided by
Messrs Quainton and Willgoss on a surprise meeting in Brixton a few weekends ago. AHR formed a midfield three
with Big Dave Scott and the unlikely but happy-to-run choice of the aforementioned Quainton. In truth, the best
player on the pitch was none of the three but, in fact, the opposition’s number 15, who gave them the runaround
most of the day.
Up top JT was flanked by Tom Benham and Dan Kelly, and the attacking trio provided a threat similar to that which
a pint of beer causes Man of the Match Conor Murphy: it looks and should be dangerous but the ease with which
he destroys it renders it somewhat effete. Murphy played with Pearcey, Alex Welch, and Jordan in-front of Sherbs.
None of the back five ever looked in trouble aside from set pieces which a) South Bank were pretty good at and b)
we looked altogether wobbly.
Shots on target? We had maybe two, one a 15-yard shot on the run from DQ saved by the ‘keeper’s legs, and the
second a Cruyffed flick by Benham that resulted in another smartish save. Towards the end of the match when
subs required the formation move back to a 4-4-2 we perhaps looked a little more threatening, but Storm Doris
probably caused more damage in the south east this week.
Not brilliant, then, but it were a lovely day out, and that’s key. The most lovely aspect was watching our usually
calm, considered and upstanding goalie raise his hands towards the goalscorer’s face after he ‘over-celebrated’
(claiming he’d been fouled in the build-up to his goal). Sherbs raised himself to his full 5 feet 3 inches and gave the
shaggy-haired pillock a little palm to the face. A yellow and DotD ensued. It should’ve been a red. Sherbs had a
Predator instead, with none of the swiftness of Conor Murphy, but I’m sure just as much enjoyment.

MERTON FC  0
Bank of England 5

Merton had won its two previous meetings against the Bank of England away this season going into
Saturday’s match and was looking forward to making it a clean sweep for the season.  The Captains of
both teams moved the game from the Hood to BoE’s pitch early in the week to ensure the game would
be played given the weather and conditions. In the league standings BoE trailed Merton by only two
points making this a must win for both teams.
Merton had their first real chance of the game when Van beat his man down the right side of the pitch
and delivered an angled pass backward from the BoE goal line to a wide open Nick in BoE’s box.  Nick
took a touch and shot but a BoE defender was there to block it.  Not long after Merton had a breakdown
on defense and BoE’s center forward flicked on a pass to their wide open right winger, who slotted it past
Siri from no more than 8 yards away. Siri had no chance.
Merton had another chance in the half when Vanny delivered a cross to streaking Johnny on the back
post, however, Johnny’s touch went straight to the keeper and Merton went into halftime down 1-0.
Against probably the weakest BoE side Merton had seen this season, they looked sluggish and played
poorly in the first half.
BoE’s second goal came off of a free kick from just inside Merton’s half.  Siri caught the free kick inside
Merton’s box but was fouled by a BoE player on his way down, and subsequently spilled the ball out to a
waiting BoE player, who scored.  The ref did not call the foul on the play.
Following BoE’s second goal, Merton played with a new spirit that created a few decent chances for
Merton.  Most notably, Johnny sailed a bouncing cross from Vanny over the bar from about 10 yards out.
Merton’s spirit did not last long and BoE’s third goal followed not long after their second goal. After BoE’s
third goal Merton pushed Clappers forward to try to muster some offense and salvage any last dignity
remaining, however, this led to a couple of BoE breakaways and meaningless goals four and five for BoE.
Saturday was a disappointing effort for Merton.
Playing in front of his father for the first time this season, Ivan’s dominance of BoE’s left back and
numerous crosses to Johnny earned him man of the match, while Kearnsey’s unprecedented three foul
throw-ins earned him nearly unanimous dick-of-the-day honors
With the loss Merton fell to fourth, one point behind BoE and five points behind Acton, who have a game
in hand.
 
Starters: Siri, Clappers, Brauner, Rat, Kearnsey, Nick, Sam, Tilley, Johnny, Ivan, Tom Row
Substitutions: Milo, James
 
MoM: Ivan Gladkow
DoD: Will Kearns

Merton FC WORLD CUP!

Don’t fancy a trip to Russia or Doha in the next six years? The good news is that this year, the
World Cup is coming to you. That’s right folks, Merton FC is staging its inaugural 5/6-a-side World
Cup on Saturday 13th May at the Hood (assuming all league games are done by then – we may
have to do it a week later!!!!!).
Our plans at this stage are provisional depending on numbers, but the aim is to organise 8 senior
teams, with squads of roughly 8 players each. Ideally, we will have seven pots, each containing
names from the respective seven senior teams at the Club. We will then draw one name from each
pot to compile each team, so that there is a good mix of strength from across the club. Goalkeep-
ers will be kept separate and added in thereafter to make up the eighth member of the squad.
The draw, should the enthusiasm warrant it, will be done on Facebook Live closer to the time, thus
making for an enjoyable spectacle.
We will then separate the 8 teams into two pools of four, with the four teams in each section play-
ing against each other in a round robin (ie: 3 matches). We will then have semi finals and a final,
along with a plate section for those who don’t make the playoffs.
Games will be 20 minutes’ long, with three pitches marked out. That means there will be some op-
portunity for rest every third game as well. We’ll also mark out a fourth pitch for the Youth section,
so that they can stage a similar tournament. Would be great if we could include parents or coaches
in their event as well – the more people we can get involved, the better.
We will decide if it is 5 or 6-a-side closer to the time, depending on numbers. Start time will likely
be in the region of 1pm. Price is also TBC, although we will aim to keep it to £10 each, including
food.
The aim is to make this a family-friendly occasion, with a barbecue afterwards (a big thank you to
Darren Avey, who has kindly offered/been roped in to cook us burgers and sausages) and also
other amenities like jumping castles and what not. There will also be Premier League football on
too, which will be televised at the bar.
We’ll be doing this properly too, with a trophy and prize giving. A pretty exciting concept, and
could hopefully commence a fine new Merton tradition. The idea is in its embryonic phase at this
stage, so all suggestions are welcome. We may even listen to them. Either way, it should be a won-
derful day out for all of us.
ALL WE NEED FROM YOU AT THIS STAGE IS TO CONFIRM WHETHER YOU ARE
KEEN TO PLAY!!!!
Please let Mike Todt, Neal Davison or Sherbs know. All are welcome to come along,
so tell your family and friend. We will be creating an event on Facebook too. Many
thanks in advance for your enthusiasm lads!

Today was going to be a good day, I could feel it.

Maybe my aura was the good colour or because Kev’s face had that beautiful ‘day after kebab’ glow it often does, but the sun was shining and we were ready to bounce back after our dressing down at Carshalton.

Kitted up, stretched and raring to go, we lined up to gain a valuable 3 points against bottom of the league, which I have only noticed since the game have yet to register any points in the table, and averaging 0.5 goals per game, ouch. First outing of the season lining up in a 4-3-3 formation (courtesy of yours truly) as we showed intent to press from the top and play free-flowing attacking football.

Understandably it wasn’t long before we took the lead, Matt whipping in a cross to absolutely nobody as their centre back – unfortunately for him – pocketed the ball in his own net in an attempted clearance. Things carried on in similar fashion as our front three of Trey, Paul and Callum ran rings around their defence, linking up well with pace and confidence to bag our second goal of the game, and third, and so on…

I couldn’t write this report without a mention of two world class goals, Paul from the p-spot smashing home a waist-high volley cross from the right, and myself with a belter from outside the box even Frank Lampard couldn’t muster, I’m pretty sure the bar is still shaking. 6-0 up at half time we had well and truly put the game to bed, which was fortunate considering I couldn’t stop my legs from cramping (admittedly a long cycle before the game wasn’t my best idea).

Chappell, as he often does, played with confidence and was willing to assert his authority, although attempting yet another injury on our own team with Matt this time the victim does present the case for a more channelled approach to his aggression. Ty had his most lazy-Fabregas performance to date, pinging 40 yard passes for fun, which unfortunately Matt would often clear out for a goal-kick their end for good measure.

Considering our outstanding link-up play in the first half, man of the match could have gone to a number of people; Callum and Ty for great link up play, myself for naughty tekkers and that wondergoal, or Paul for putting yet another good shift in up top and a Zlatan-worthy strike, but Trey had a game to remember, causing all sorts of problems up top with his movement in behind and netting a brace to top it off.

There are a few contenders for dick of the day; Chappel’s self-destructive aggression, Ty’s booking for not winding his f*cking neck in, or even Matt forgetting he isn’t Steven Gerrard and doesn’t ‘score for fun’ from 40 yards… however this week has got to go to our very cocky keeper Swanny, who for some reason thought he would try and take on their centre forward and losing the ball in front of goal, which really should have been punished if their striker had more composure.

But, of course as he will remind me “the sun was in my eyes”, which I would argue is less the reason to take a chance!

MOM: Trey

DOD: Swanny

Merton 5s 1 – 2 Kew 3rds

Arriving in the sunny capital, I was pleased to hear that our game this weekend was away to Kew. Kew have lottery-funded pitches to suit our Barcelona-esque style of play, and a good clubhouse to complement our Gazza-esque drinking habits. However, with 2 days before the big KO, the seeds of doubt were planted as the “availability” of their pitches fell into question – a perfectly logical situation considering they have 3 pitches and 3 teams. It so transpires that the raucous group of bowles players occupying the pitches at Kew refused to leave, so the game came to the bumpy, unreliable Wimbledon Common.

Despite some confusion caused by the change, outrage at the decision to arrive 2 hours before kick-off, and the referee declaring a zero tolerance to swearing which left everyone concerned for Lenners, we actually started the game pretty well. The opening exchanges were a little cagey; however the 5s were winning the ball well, passing it around and making the best chances of the first period. There were some good passages of play between the front 3 of Dwayne, Aaron and Gibbo that led to some half decent chances. The pick of them was a through ball to Gibbo, which left him one on one with the keeper. As the keeper backpeddled, Gibbo attempted the chip. The power wasn’t there, and the ball fell harmlessly into the goalkeeper’s hands. The half probably wasn’t the spectacle their fans had hoped for [there were 4 of them], but from our perspective we looked the most likely.

Some shocking decisions seemed to go against us, however, and with Dulanjie absent the job fell to Dwayne to always be offside. There were 2 or 3 instances where Dwayne was judged to be offside by the referee yet started from 2 yards the right side of the defender. There were some fouls that were given for virtually nothing, and blatant offsides not called. Fearing he was going to talk himself into the book [and perhaps even get himself sent off], Lenners decided to come off. His eloquent use of language towards the referee did continue from the sidelines, but it’s much more difficult to get sent off from there – and after all, it wouldn’t be a game of football if Lenners wasn’t shouting through it.

The second half started, and our changes hadn’t settled into the game before we were 1 – 0 down. Something as simple as a ball over the top caught us out, and their striker raced onto it to chip Sam to give them the lead. They played with a renewed confidence after that, and truthfully could have gone 2 up had it not been for the brilliant Sam in goal. With one 1v1 save and a stop from a good shot from outside the box, we seemed to have weathered a bit of a storm and started coming back into the match.

As we were getting back into the game, an injury crisis hit. Delman was the first to go after a fine first half – the theory goes that he and Dwayne were playing kiss chase into the early hours & it had taken its toll. Then went Tiago, who claimed cramp as the reason yet was squealing as if he was the victim of Lenners’ Naked shower time whilst simultaneously being eaten by a dingo. Their replacements, Steve and Pete, took to the game like a duck to water however, and we were soon to draw level.

Pete threatened immediately, with a through ball finding him around 20 yards out. With the keeper off his line, he tried the chip however the ball narrowly sailed over the bar. Not long after, the move was almost identical, however the outcome was different. With the ball bouncing, Pete took it first time to lob the keeper with a fine finish to make it 1-1. Cue an exciting finale.

Towards the end of the game, both teams seem discontent with a point. It was Merton, however, that was evidently tiring and that showed in the last 5 minutes. In a good passage of play by the oppo, coupled with some laboured closing down from a tired Merton, their player found a little bit of space to put the ball into the box. Their striker, about 2 yards offside, was on hand to stick the ball past Sam from around 8 yards to give Kew the points. The striker expectantly looked towards the referee, and our defence seemed miffed, but the whistle did not come and the goal stood. The complaints were not as vigorous as they could have been, owing to the fact that our players were knackered and perhaps not altogether surprised considering the decisions of the ref throughout the game. Lenners could still be heard in the distance making the case in a calm and measured manner as always, but the ref’s mind wasn’t to be changed and the game ended 1-2.

The effort put in was superb from our lot and with some extra fitness that comes with a run of games or with a couple of goals in the first half, we could have won this game. Despite the spell around their first goal, our defence and midfield were very strong, winning 50/50s and managing to play the ball around despite the tricky conditions. Dwayne, Aaron and Gibbo were a constant threat as an attacking trio – the final ball/finish just wasn’t quite there but on another day, they could each have scored. And off the bench Steve slotted very comfortably into an unfamiliar right back position, Darren offered steel in the midfield that Tiago had been adding in the first half and their defence couldn’t deal with Pete’s pace, as his goal suggests.

The drink up that ensued afterwards was good fun, with this reporter’s storytelling getting him into the post-match venue without ID, in a conversation that ended with “duck the pom pom”, or words to that affect [this is a family-friendly report, afterall]. Since the lovely gentleman was letting me in, I didn’t have the heart to tell him that I actually think the “pom pom” is doing a great job despite their ever-dwingling resources, so I went along with it.

It was great to see everyone again and I will keep following the 5s on their mighty run up the football league.

Under 9s v Wandgas Youth FC – 19.2.2017

 

Wandgas 4 Merton 1

On a much milder Sunday away in Worcester Park, Merton took on the under 9s from Wandgas, who were known to be a strong side having recently played in the division above. 

This week Merton showed some excellent defensive work with Joshua winning man-of-the-match award for his fantastic tackling in defense. Doo Ho also provided another master class in goal repelling multiple shots on target. In attack, Presley scored another wonder goal and we had 2 more fabulous goals disallowed by the referee which was the game changer. Notwithstanding this, Merton are now finding their level, playing against some strong and decent opposition, which in the long run should be positive for the team as they develop. 

In the end, it was probably fair to say that the ultimate scoreline did not adequately represent the period of play, with Merton coming back and attacking particularly well in the second half.

Best wishes to the team going forward, and a big thank you to all the parents who came along to support. 

Winta

U9s Pitch Marshall

Merton III XI    vs  Old Parkonians IV XI      Sat  18^th Feb

The Great Escape…..???

A beautiful spring afternoon presented itself to Merton’s 3’s at the Hood. After the sheer stupidity of the vandals earlier in the week, Merton wanted to bring back some pride to the fortress that was the Hood.

Old Skool Rhythm and Blues was playlist of choice, and the music came flowing out of the (pointlessly smashed) dressing room windows.

Merton were in good spirits following the successful 2 wins on the bounce, unheard of this season!

The opposition was a much changed team of Old Parkonians with only 1 or 2 familiar faces from the team we played previously. Also the average size of these players was a little concern, but this didn’t put off Merton, who were focused on getting the all important 3points needed, to keep their fears of relegation at bay.

Pleasantries exchanged, the game kicked off. Old Parkonians had the better first 10min, but then Merton found their stride. A lovely interchange between Darcy and Glen saw Fitz clean through. 1-0 and Merton hadn’t even broken a sweat.

Merton continued to dominate for the rest of the half, with countless chances created and some even captured on film by the eagle eyed Mr Noble. However, Merton were unable to convert any, which has been the story of the season. On the positive though, as the great ‘Wayne Shaw’ once said, (whilst eating a pie) “Shooting off target is the start of something great… once you know your off target, you are half way there to shooting on target, which is a real game changer”.

Not much else happened in the first half of note, Mustard decided to take a throw in from the wrong pitch and wondered why he could only throw 2m in distance. Mr Happy continued to shout words of encouragement to the rest of his team mates and Ricki’s dog watched on from the sidelines, basking in the sunshine, dreaming of hotdogs.

Half time came and went with all the classic cliches that you have all read a million times before! Big push in the first 10min, Next goal is vital etc.

The 2nd half started much like the first, with Old Parkonians starting stronger and Dan making a number of good saves. Merton finally found their passing boots again and began to knock the ball around nicely. A few more missed opportunities came and went, before Fitz was maliciously brought down by the oppo keeper. Clear pen.

After much debate, the clubs leading penalty taker set the ball down. A whistle went, boom… goal…. cue celebration. However, it was a whistle from the other game. The ref made Darcy take the penalty again…. boom. Goal. Neatly slotted into the same corner as the previous penalty. “Nerves of steal”, some were heard saying on the side line.

Meton now had a 2-0 advantage and it stayed this way until the 83min.

As mentioned, the Old Parkonians had a significant height advantage, with every player being 6’2″ plus. On the other hand, Merton’s tallest player was probably Glen or Neal who are an impressive 5’7″ at best. I’m not sure why it took the oppo so long to work this out, but when they did, Merton were in trouble.

After 8 consecutive corners, with Merton unable to clear their lines, an oppo player broke free and whipped in another cross, which was nodded into the goal. 2-1.

Oppo now had the wind in their sails… 88min went past, 89, 90min and another set of 4 corners came Merton’s way. An exact replica of the first goal made it 2-2.

Heart break for the boars who’s defence had been solid until the 83min.

The game was restated with only seconds left on the clock… tick tock… 5mins later,  oppo broke down the left, crossed the ball into the back post, which was promptly put back into the mixer for the striker to score another header. 2-3.

Merton looked by far the better team for 83mins, however like the majority of the other games this season, they found a way to mess it up and lose it.

Some harsh, but fair, words were exchanged in the dressing room, which left each player looking at his own commitment and fitness levels for next season.

Everyone returned to the bar for a beverage and to let off some steam.

Last game of the season Sat… Can Merton 3’s turn over a new leaf this side of Spring?

Goals: Fitz, Darcy

MoM: Dan
DoD: Darcy

Maybe it was just the warmth and sunshine. After all, it would seem ridiculous on the face of it that a team who’ve lost five games on the bounce – especially with the latest being a 6-0 reverse at Polytechnic – should have reason to feel confident. But then again, this was a team who’d started to play some really good football recently, and therein lay the main reason for them feeling confident as they set foot in their hallowed turf at the sadly-vandalised Hood for this clash against mid-table Bank of England.

Today’s youth results, some very tough games today, but the lads have done well. 
U9s lost 4-1 to Wangas Youth
U11s No game
U13s beat G4G FC 5-2 and move into second in the division 3pts ahead of third place and closing in on the leaders who are 8pts ahead but we have 2 games in hand and have yet to play them.
U14s drew 2-2 with AC Fulham in an epic top of the table game, we stay top but it’s tight.…
U15s lost 5-4 in another equally important match against Wallington Wanderers.
Big week next Sunday at the Hood as U11s host Roehampton Rangers in the Cup semifinal and U13s, U14s, U15s are all at home. Get down there and support the future of Merton FC!

Todays Results – After a dismal week with vandalism at the Hood the 4s and 6s did their best to lighten the gloom. The 4s beat Bank of England 2-0 and the 6s beat Old Wilsonians 7-1. The 3s lost 3-2 to Old Parks after being 2-0 up. That is how it has gone. The 5s lost 2-1 at Kew somewhat unluckily and the 7s lost 9-0 to a strong Old Alleyns side. The 1s suffered their worst defeat of the season 5-0 to BOE and the 2s lost 1-0 to South Bank.

Pics from that game are Connor Murphy (M0M) and Sherbs DOD.