Year: 2017
- 0
When news streamed in that Ram was hanging up his boots as editor of the Merton Way, an ever-swelling readership shivered at the prospect of losing their Friday weekly reading treat. How on earth would the Merton faithful now occupy themselves whilst consuming their afternoon coffee and bagel?
But, after a hiatus of just a solitary week, up stepped young Sam Singer-Ripley to the plate, and as you can see from his first edition of the newsletter, the baton has been passed to a very capable pair of hands, and the Merton Way dream lives on in fine fettle.
We thank Sam hugely for taking on this role, and giving of his time. A club like ours can only thrive through the enthusiasm and support of volunteers, and we are grateful to have true Merton men like Sam on board. But with a few important committee positions set to open up over the summer, we need more of you guys to follow Sam’s lead, and ensure seamless transitions across the board so that our club can continue to go from strength to strength.
So, as we welcome our new editor, we also extend a call to arms to the inner passion we know you have for the mighty Yellow. You can help – so please don’t be shy to come forward!
- 0
NAME: Ryan Burchell
TEAM: 4s
POSITION: RM/RB/Sub
BIRTH DATE: 09/10/97
BIRTH PLACE: Kingston
PREVIOUS CLUBS: None
- Tell us who you are outside of the club. What do you do, how would you describe yourself?
I’m currently a team leader in training at Sainsbury’s and I’m doing my best to balance a job in retail and playing football… Unsuccessfully at the minute! I’d describe myself as a friendly, wannabe funnyman who’s always up for a laugh and a beer or two.
- How did you end up at Merton FC?
Been watching since I was about 10 years old with my Dad playing for the 6s and when I was finally old enough I put on the yellow shirt and have loved it ever since.
- What was your best moment in your MFC career till now?
Up until a month ago this would’ve been winning Player of The Season for the 6s in my second season but now it has to be scoring my first Merton hatrick.
- If you could play for a professional team, which would be it and why?
I would play for my boyhood club Arsenal, been a fan since I was little (Much to the disappointment of my Dad) and walking out onto the Emirates would be a dream come true.
- Do you have any pre-match rituals or superstitions?
Not really, apart from praying Scholesy doesn’t put me on the bench
- Lastly, share us your goals/expectations for the season.
Hopefully be able to see the 4s pull off a miraculous recovery and avoid relegation, as well as the 5s continuing their good form and winning their league.
RAPID FIRE:
Player of the season (at Merton, or in professional football): Will Harrison
Childhood Team: Arsenal
Favourite team in the UK: Arsenal
Favourite team outside the UK: Borrusia Dortmund
Childhood Hero: Thierry Henry
Favourite Food: Gammon Steak and chips
Favourite Drink: Bulmers
Favourite Band: Not a band but Ed Sheeran (appropriately)
- 0
NAME: Sam Singer Ripley
TEAM: 5s
POSITION: Goalkeeper
BIRTH DATE: 7/10/1997
BIRTH PLACE: Mitcham
PREVIOUS CLUBS: T&M U16
- Tell us who you are outside of the club. What do you do, how would you describe yourself?
I am a student at Roehampton university, I study Sport and Exercise Science. Other than football my hobbies include cycling and eating
- How did you end up at Merton FC?
I was just searching around on the internet for local football clubs at the beginning of last season because I stopped playing football a while ago after a nasty injury, I came across Merton FC’s website and decided to give it a go – I never looked back
- What was your best moment in your MFC career till now?
I’ve only been here a couple of seasons, but hopefully this season, getting promoted with the 5’s would be great. My worst moment, as many of you probably already know – Was being taken away in an ambulance after an ‘off the field’ accident occurred.
- If you could play for a professional team, which would be it and why?
Liverpool, they definitely have a goalkeeping problem, so I think I’d be a great contender. It would also be awesome to play for the team I support.
- Do you have any pre-match rituals or superstitions?
I always make sure I’ve got my tape on the correct way. As well as making sure that I’ve got my lucky gloves on hand. I also try and make sure I go to bed a little earlier than normal.
- Lastly, share us your goals/expectations for the season.
I hope to get promoted with the 5’s and keep up my challenge for the Golden Glove award.
Rapid Fire
Player of the season (so far): Andy Bitmead – Scoring hatricks for fun
Favourite position: CAM but I can’t play football so I play in goal
Favourite team in the UK: Liverpool FC
Favourite team outside the UK: Borussia Dortmund
Childhood Hero: Jens Lehmann
Favourite Food: Pizza huts’ Chicken, bacon and sweetcorn pizza
Favourite Drink: Dr. Pepper
Favourite Band/Artist: Imagine Dragons
- 0
Our story begins with a handsome man from the regions that, for the purposes of this match report, we shall call ‘Bill Baylor’. Though long since departed for foreign shores, Bill once played sports with a host of friendly folk at a club that, for the purposes of this match report, we shall call ‘Burton FC’.
Burton was full of so many attractive men that one of its many fraternities was known as ‘Team Attractive’, and they were renowned for dazzling lady people as well as any opposition sporting outfits that they played and defeated. Bill was undoubtedly the most attractive member of Team Attractive, for he dazzled the most brightly. And yet, another attractive (and in this case intelligent) member of Team Attractive, who for the purposes of this match report we shall call Dave Wayne-Tonne, was somewhat confused.
“Why,” enquired Wayne-Tonne over a perfectly chosen beverage. “Why is Bill, the finest of swordsmen and a clear Southern Amateur League Senior Division 1, so often seen squiring lady people that one might objectively say are Southern Amateur League Junior Division 3?”
“DW,” replied Bill. “Why did you say ‘Bill’ just then and not ‘you’?”
“Good question,” said Wayne-Tonne. “I think it’s because this is a made-up story forming part of an somewhat off-kilter match report, though a story itself based upon many truths.”
“Ah, then I shall answer,” said Bill, placing his hand on Wayne-Tonne’s awesome shoulder. “You see, making love to beautiful ladies is much like scoring goals. I do plenty of both, but you’ve got to accept that occasionally you will have a a bit of a mare. The thing is, if you keep putting it out there and your balls end up in the right place, you have to consider that a success.”
**********
Though its message is somewhat esoteric, I was reminded of this story at halftime during Merton 3s’ not-at-all-epic 3-2 defeat of some numpties from Essex.
“We’re playing REALLY well,” Mustard was telling the team, playing at manager for the day after giving himself the cold shoulder. “I don’t know how we’ve not scored more goals.”
“I need to go and do a Jason Puncheon,” I (DQ, for those not keeping up) said, galloping towards the ref’s changing room for a quick ten-bob-bit. And it was on that run, and during those runs, that the story came back to me. You see I’d scored the goal that had put us 1-0 up, but really by that stage should already have secured the match ball. Twice the Ukrainian Menace, Denys, had put me through, and though once the ‘keeper saved well the second time he really didn’t have the chance. I blame the pitch.
The favour was returned on a quick break, but this time the UMD himself dragged wide, before finally the partnership struck some sort of gold via a dainty throughball and tidy outside-of-the-boot finish. 1-0. Lovely.
Bored of watching his teammates making like an unlucky Monopoly players and repeatedly passing chances, Andrew Holder Ross then chinned one of the weighty Parkonian players’ elbows. Somewhat unsurprisingly AHR’s chin came off worse, and he departed the pitch worse for wear.
Holder Ross was to return in the second half. The same cannot be said of Parkonian’s best player who appeared to break his wrist on the post during a goalmouth scramble. The scramble came from a corner generated by one of the many fine saves Dan made on the day, ensuring him a couple of MoM votes in the bar.
I was to receive no such votes. Returning from the halftime relief, not knowing whether I’d missed out on any of Mustard’s keener tactical insights, I joined 10 other determined men on the field of battle ready to enjoy a ten minute brain fart that saw us 2-1 down and making more mistakes than Donno trying to do a healthy food shop.
One chubby chancer wandered through and poked home apologetically before a corner a few minutes later resulted in a handball that Vin assures everyone in no way touched his arm. Slow motion replays reveal that, in fact, one of the Italian Stallion’s enormous moobs swayed majestically across his bicep and thwatted the ball away. But you couldn’t blame the ref for giving the penalty, nor Dan for not saving it.
My time to shine. Still giving the defence a glorious old runaround I shaved the post when one-on-one and grazed a header somewhere in the direction of the corner flag. Realising the folly of my ways, next time round I lay the ball back on the left-hand edge of the area and Jordan, who had woken-up after a slumbersome first half, proceded to curl the goal of the season into the top bag. 2-2. The jolly Scouser went on to win MoM and in no-way stick to stereotype by stealing my shower gel.
The UMD was so excited by the goal that, rather than score when given the ball on the goal-line by a galloping (and returning) Holder Ross, dummied it, lay down beside it admiringly, and punched it twice without putting it in the net. How he wasn’t sent off no-one really knows, but word is the ref really loves a hard-smoking and hard, smoking eastern European.
I scored again. May have been offside. Who cares? I celebrated two minutes later by Porborskying the keeper and, sadly, the bar, and, with the very last move of the game, aiming another delicious Glenn cross (there were quite a few) over the left-hand corner of the goal.
A 3-2 win, and a bunch of ruddy heroes involved. Notable shoutouts for the wonderfully complainsome Ricky, who caused many a defensive problem in the first half (both the oppo and Conor); our Hispanic friend and the UMD’s married couple arguments that go on the entire time they’re on the pitch together; Iain, for not knowing what E.T.A. means when questioned about arrival time, but also largely dominating the midfield; and Cookie for returning and not getting sent-off or arguing with anyone.
“I haven’t got time for this,” said the Bristolian battler, without a hint of irony, after Conor’s dual with Parkonians’ ‘solid’ left winger boiled over a bit. “Why do people argue on football pitches?”
**********
“Nah, she was terrible mate, so was yours,” Baylor said to Wayne-Tonne, as he ushered the recently boffed, and sore-yet-satisfied vixens out of his doorway. “But a score’s a score, always never forget that.”
Wayne-Tonne nodded, for he knew it was true, and he slept like a man that had missed enough chances to earn ‘Dick of the Day’, yet had the satisfaction of knowing that he alone ended the match with two goals on the scoresheet.
- 0
Merton 2 – 1 IBIS Eagles
With last week’s disappointing cup performance well and truly forgotten about it was back to business in the league and an opportunity to do the double over IBIS Eagles down at what is quickly becoming, fortress Hood. Due to several coinciding factors including daughter’s birthday parties and Lancaster student uni reunions, the changing room was a short of a few regular senior faces. Browner was quick to regale in the spirit of ‘Norseman away’ back in 2014, another occasion when we were without key personnel although able to come away with the points due to two key factors; an early Jason Marsh thunderbolt and the big yellow Merton bus which parked itself in front of our goal for the proceeding 80 minutes. I’ll never get bored of hearing that story.
Anyways, we set up in our familiar 4-3-3 formation and looked in control of the opening exchanges with CJ Rayner and Milo looking menacing in behind the returning Tommy Rowe although the Eagles keeper remained largely untroubled. Rat and Browner were marshalling the back line in Clappers absence with confidence and authority which was great to see albeit a tad surprising given the number of goals shipped with the two of them playing there together previously! Unfortunately our promising opening came to an abrupt end soon after the 20 minute mark when some sloppy play in the middle of the park led to a breakaway down our right flank culminating in a tidy finish by their striker which, left Siri with no chance. It was their first attack of note, but for all of our possession and running but end product we didn’t have much to complain about. It could have got worse if not for a smart save by Siri and Browner clearing expertly from inside our six yard box. At the other end Tom was doing a commendable job holding the ball and brining others in to play but without the midfield getting past him we were struggling to carve out any clear cut opportunities. On the occasions that we did get the ball in the right areas, we were frustratingly lacking a bit of quality to get back on level terms
The second half began in much the same way as the first with Sam, Wilgo and Tills now becoming more dominant in the middle of the park and getting us on the front foot. The introduction of James Laughton and Els on either flank paid immediate dividends and ultimately changed the game with both causing havoc in the final third and Els almost scoring with his first touch. We were now well on top and it seemed only a matter of time before we scored. After a succession of corners Wilgo picked the ball up down the right and delivered the cross of the game to find Tills in space inside the box to coolly slot home at the second attempt (well sort of). We continued pressing and soon after we were ahead. Some cracking work from Kearnsy and Sam resulted in Els picking up the ball 25 yards out. Still with plenty to do he walked past three defenders and tucked the ball away high in to the net to send the boys in yellow wild, it was a fantastic strike and worthy winner of any game. We closed the game out with some disciplined defending to secure the three points and a proper Merton win. A fantastic team performance demonstrating the strength in depth that we now have at the club and a some very exciting young talent coming through. On to EBOG next week for a top of the table showdown.
Team: Siri, Joew Grew, Browner, Rat, Kearnsy, Sam, Wilgo, Tills (Capt), Emilio, Rayner, Tom Rowe
- 0
After a heartening performance against Carshalton the week before, the Merton 4s had every reason to feel positive going into this relegation 6 pointer at Old Wilsonians. Despite the dire weather predictions, the game went ahead under sunny skies.
Team: Chris Outred (GK), Ed Plaistow, Dan Gridley, Joe Plumridge, John Gridley, Will Harrison, Michael Vogt, Frankie Kaligorou, Sonny Kennedy, Aaron Loftus, Dom Plumridge
Subs: Mikey Elgar, Lee Lenihan
- 0
Todays Results
1s draw 0-0 at top of the table EBOG. Our GK Siri made some outstanding saves but fair result.
2s had no fixture.
3s post a great win at Old Parks 3-2 .
4s went down 3-0 to Old Wilsonians.
5s, 6s and 7s all had home games and got postponed due to pitch condition or opposition not able to field a side.
- 0
5s vs HSBC 7s
It’s great when plans come together. Fresh off the back of a chastening 9-2 defeat to Polytechnics, (or rather, unfresh, because it was two weeks since Merton 5s last played), 5s realised they need to step up a gear if they were to mount a serious promotion challenge. So it was back to the training ground for the team as they sought to find a way to improve.
The group chat was buzzing with suggestions on how this could be achieved – in between videos of bestiality and what-not, which seems to get the team talking more than y’know, actual football – but Andy had a master plan. The idea was simple – create angles to play the ball out. Two weeks without football helped because as soon as 5s entered the pitch against HSBC, they started moving the ball about with great confidence. Actually, the pitch was superb condition, much to the fears of some who thought it may fall prey to the elements, and that made it conducive to the way the team wanted to pass the ball. The team that Clive selected also backed that up. In came Anam, mainly on a technicality because star man, Andy Bitmead, arrived late. He started in the centre alongside Tiago and Clive, whilst the other crucial change to the usual line-up was Thomas Reid, who replaced Josh at left-back.
In any case, Merton 5s were quick to establish their authority but would take the lead once Anam mysteriously pulled up with an injury. But before we talk about that, let’s mention the highlights in his unforgettable 15 minute cameo. First, he played a superb ball over the top to Dulanie, who was caught offside, which should have been the sign of things to come. Still, the vision was surely appreciated and indeed, at times, it seems as if his boot has a mind of its own such is his vision. Instead, the ref turned around and went purple, berating both sides for moaning about the offside calls – which already were growing in number. He probably didn’t get the memo that Dulanie was born offside. Anam then played in Darren with a Ronaldo-like turn at the edge of the box, which the goalkeeper turned away.
From the resulting corner, that’s where the game turned as Anam twisted his ankle trying to offer himself for the short pass. Still, that sort of thinking underlines his opportunism and why he should start more. On came Andy, and he proceeded to grab the game by the scuff of the neck. Literally, because running into the box past two players, he was dragged back by one before eventually, he was tripped in the area. He got up, brushed himself down and, putting aside the memory of his penalty miss against Poly 8s, smashed the shot down the middle. 1-0 to Merton.
And it wasn’t long until Merton doubled their lead, this time again a penalty, won by Aaron Byrne, who fell down like a wounded gazelle (Darren’s words. I would say he fell down more like a gazelle that’s been hurled to the ground from a speeding helicopter). The penalty, like Andy’s, went down the centre.
Merton were playing some great stuff when the half-time whistle went, with the one of the other subs, Aaron Ackerman, delivering some delightful passes. Indeed, it was his cross in the second-half that created the third goal, a header by Dulainie, beating the keeper to a high-ball. That signalled the end of Ds involvement – happy his sole goal, though it took him half-a-dozen shots to yield that one. Chances included a trademark crossfield pass from Dwayne to Dulainie saw him shoot one volley over, along with a number of identical one-on-one attempts.
Andy, though, was the key man, and for the fourth goal, delivered the moment of the match, breaking forward from midfield then nonchalantly chipping over the goalkeeper. His hattrick, was nearly as majestic, again breaking from midfield, and this time, opting to poke the ball past the goalkeeper. He could have passed the ball square to Aaron B, but understandably decided against it. Not long before, Aaron Byrne had a similar chance when he tried to place the ball to the bottom corner, but telegraphed the shot to the bottom corner.
Indeed, Aaron had a great game, dribbling at the defence, and he ended up finishing the game up front in a sort-of false-9 role. Actually, that might be kind because he was drawing a lot of stick from Dulanie from the sidelines for moving away from goal instead of towards it. In any case, the whole team performance was great, as they followed Andy’s game plan to a tee. Delman was deadly when broke forward, also having one goal strangely disallowed; whilst Tom on the other side was disciplined and tenacious – sort of like a frail James Milner. Tiago was snappy in the centre, whilst Clive provided a good foil for Andy breaking forward. Dwayne also did his best to fill in two positions at once, teleporting from left-wing to left-back instantly like a footballing-Nightcrawler – but with worse hair.
Word should also go to all three centre-backs who were solid – Lee included, who needs to have a word with himself to stop breaking forward from the back – and Sam “Safe-Hands” Singer-Ripley, who rescued the team on three occasions – though sometimes, it seems as if he likes to put the team in trouble before saving them, just so he can brag about it afterwards. It’s a shame he doesn’t apply those skills to the tinder-dates who he inevitably friend-zones.
Anyway, it was a complete team performance from Merton 5s, who in the end were indebted to Andy Bitmead, in more ways than one.
Team (4-3-3): Sam – Delman, Steve B, Darren, Thomas – Anam, Tiago, Clive – Dwayne, Dulanie, Aaron B.
Subs: Lee, Aaron A, Andy.
Goals 5-0: Andy x3, Aaron B, Dulanie
Man of the Match: Officially a tie between Aaron B and Andy, mainly because most people were tired it’s always going to Andy. I thought Tom did well, however.
Dick of the Day: Nobody, though we were treated to NLT once again. However, Delman wasn’t keen on seeing the uncircumcised glory, so he ran out of the dressing room quicker than he breaks forward from right-back. The ref, though, probably deserves it for having a meltdown on the pitch.
- 0
There were no late goals which we lost by, no last minute pull outs, noone called Joe (with or without beard) in the team and we WON, so you’d be excused if you are unsure if this really is a 3s match report. But it is!! And we won a game!!!
As DOTD for non football related issues I felt aggrieved at receiving this weeks vote. However as I sat down to write this report, I felt myself enjoying being able to report on a result which has been long overdue but more importantly completely deserved!
A wrong postcode given to Darcie to my own house wrapped up the DOTD nominations pretty convincingly although both Andy (power shot towards our goal) and Jordan (unforgivable foul throw) had some mentions during the voting process.
Hard rock was the official music of choice and Mustard took this literally during the morning’s bean ritual… the hard theme filtered through to the physical and mental attitude the team took into the game……
With a good warm up and the knowledge that we have been producing some really good football in 2017 we were ready for action.
The pitch was in good condition albeit a bit lopsided but the sun was low and was cause of concern.
We sent Mustard up to the toss with a clear instruction to shoot away from the Sun which he immediately failed to deliver and we were switched round.
Starting with a 4-5-1 formation we tried to get our passing game going putting together some real good passages of play. We identified that the flanks were an area we could exploit early on and Glenn and Andy along with the full backs provided excellent out balls with Glenn in particular getting in behind their defence on a number of occasions.
We pushed for an opening goal and apart from a brief 10 minutes where Vincenzo got done then faked an injury, asked to be subbed then quickly recovered from the embarrassment and was fine again….. we were looking very strong playing nice expansive football. A number of half chances came and went with Darcie somehow managing to head over from all but 2 yards.
0-0 at half time but we were on top and our first half performance meant that we knew the content of the half time talk. It was no different from the usual ……
“Well done lads”
“We can go on to win this”
“They are there for the taking”
“We have been here before”
Then a more in depth analysis from Fitz with his note pad which was a welcome change from the normal cliche crap we all say every week followed by Welchie repeating everything Fitz said! We were pumped!
We dominated the second half from start to finish and pushed immediately to get the important goal. With the Sun causing their defence problems(well done Mustard for losing the toss) we pushed on and grew in confidence.
The first goal was a thing of beauty… possibly the best team goal of the season.
Starting with a tactical substitution to put two up front with Mustard making way for Chris Papps. The ball broke down in with our left back, Jordan ‘Lad’ played it neatly into the middle then it was sprayed across to the right back, Dan pinged a peach of a ball 40/50 yards into Glenn who found space behind their defence. Their goalkeeper decided he was Neuer and tried to steam out being pipped to the ball by Glenn who sent back across the box for Papp’s second touch of the game and it couldn’t have been an easier finish. 1-0!
They responded with a bit of pressure resulting in some strong defending(fouling) and some good saves from our ever reliable Dan. We held strong and stuck to our passing game.
By this time Ricardo was annoying them and biting at ankles and we were looking comfortable.
A free kick just outside the box had Glenn’s name all over it and he stepped up and delivered a bit of a worldie/keeper should’ve done better free kick.
2-0!!! And now the party started… the lads on the side were cheering every pass, tackle, shot and anything else which helped push the guys on!
The defence done a great job keeping a clean sheet with some good old fashioned tackling going in proving we really work hard for each other!
This resulted in a bit of a scuffle as Wilsons became more frustrated. A bit of handbags after a very very soft tackle in the middle(still not sure it was a foul) was uncalled for but to be honest the ref missed a few on Saturday which could’ve resulted in the book coming out, A UFC move was put on Mustard during the first half resulting in a calm down chat to the oppo captain. Don’t worry mustard I got him for you!
It all blew over pretty quickly and we saw the game out comfortably.
The whistle went, it felt like
We won a cup, we celebrated like the happiest relegated team in history of football and enjoyed every minute of it…..
The boars now march on to somehow complete the greatest relegation escape ever. It’s not in our hands but we can do our bit in this league still!
If we play like we have been and get the luck which is due we can escape!! However much more importantly …. it is about keeping the amazing spirit we have alive and enjoying our time together! It’s strange that I have enjoyed this season so much considering the results but it’s been a good craic and one that isn’t finished yet!
MOM; Jordan
DOTD; Darcie for talking too much! Ok not really Neal D (again)!
One step beyond!!!!!! Da da daaaaa da da da da da!!!!
- 0
2020 Media
WordPress hosting from 2020Media.com
Merton FC Stats End of Season
