Author: Matt Haswell
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After a heartening performance against Carshalton the week before, the Merton 4s had every reason to feel positive going into this relegation 6 pointer at Old Wilsonians. Despite the dire weather predictions, the game went ahead under sunny skies.
Team: Chris Outred (GK), Ed Plaistow, Dan Gridley, Joe Plumridge, John Gridley, Will Harrison, Michael Vogt, Frankie Kaligorou, Sonny Kennedy, Aaron Loftus, Dom Plumridge
Subs: Mikey Elgar, Lee Lenihan
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Todays Results
1s draw 0-0 at top of the table EBOG. Our GK Siri made some outstanding saves but fair result.
2s had no fixture.
3s post a great win at Old Parks 3-2 .
4s went down 3-0 to Old Wilsonians.
5s, 6s and 7s all had home games and got postponed due to pitch condition or opposition not able to field a side.
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5s vs HSBC 7s
It’s great when plans come together. Fresh off the back of a chastening 9-2 defeat to Polytechnics, (or rather, unfresh, because it was two weeks since Merton 5s last played), 5s realised they need to step up a gear if they were to mount a serious promotion challenge. So it was back to the training ground for the team as they sought to find a way to improve.
The group chat was buzzing with suggestions on how this could be achieved – in between videos of bestiality and what-not, which seems to get the team talking more than y’know, actual football – but Andy had a master plan. The idea was simple – create angles to play the ball out. Two weeks without football helped because as soon as 5s entered the pitch against HSBC, they started moving the ball about with great confidence. Actually, the pitch was superb condition, much to the fears of some who thought it may fall prey to the elements, and that made it conducive to the way the team wanted to pass the ball. The team that Clive selected also backed that up. In came Anam, mainly on a technicality because star man, Andy Bitmead, arrived late. He started in the centre alongside Tiago and Clive, whilst the other crucial change to the usual line-up was Thomas Reid, who replaced Josh at left-back.
In any case, Merton 5s were quick to establish their authority but would take the lead once Anam mysteriously pulled up with an injury. But before we talk about that, let’s mention the highlights in his unforgettable 15 minute cameo. First, he played a superb ball over the top to Dulanie, who was caught offside, which should have been the sign of things to come. Still, the vision was surely appreciated and indeed, at times, it seems as if his boot has a mind of its own such is his vision. Instead, the ref turned around and went purple, berating both sides for moaning about the offside calls – which already were growing in number. He probably didn’t get the memo that Dulanie was born offside. Anam then played in Darren with a Ronaldo-like turn at the edge of the box, which the goalkeeper turned away.
From the resulting corner, that’s where the game turned as Anam twisted his ankle trying to offer himself for the short pass. Still, that sort of thinking underlines his opportunism and why he should start more. On came Andy, and he proceeded to grab the game by the scuff of the neck. Literally, because running into the box past two players, he was dragged back by one before eventually, he was tripped in the area. He got up, brushed himself down and, putting aside the memory of his penalty miss against Poly 8s, smashed the shot down the middle. 1-0 to Merton.
And it wasn’t long until Merton doubled their lead, this time again a penalty, won by Aaron Byrne, who fell down like a wounded gazelle (Darren’s words. I would say he fell down more like a gazelle that’s been hurled to the ground from a speeding helicopter). The penalty, like Andy’s, went down the centre.
Merton were playing some great stuff when the half-time whistle went, with the one of the other subs, Aaron Ackerman, delivering some delightful passes. Indeed, it was his cross in the second-half that created the third goal, a header by Dulainie, beating the keeper to a high-ball. That signalled the end of Ds involvement – happy his sole goal, though it took him half-a-dozen shots to yield that one. Chances included a trademark crossfield pass from Dwayne to Dulainie saw him shoot one volley over, along with a number of identical one-on-one attempts.
Andy, though, was the key man, and for the fourth goal, delivered the moment of the match, breaking forward from midfield then nonchalantly chipping over the goalkeeper. His hattrick, was nearly as majestic, again breaking from midfield, and this time, opting to poke the ball past the goalkeeper. He could have passed the ball square to Aaron B, but understandably decided against it. Not long before, Aaron Byrne had a similar chance when he tried to place the ball to the bottom corner, but telegraphed the shot to the bottom corner.
Indeed, Aaron had a great game, dribbling at the defence, and he ended up finishing the game up front in a sort-of false-9 role. Actually, that might be kind because he was drawing a lot of stick from Dulanie from the sidelines for moving away from goal instead of towards it. In any case, the whole team performance was great, as they followed Andy’s game plan to a tee. Delman was deadly when broke forward, also having one goal strangely disallowed; whilst Tom on the other side was disciplined and tenacious – sort of like a frail James Milner. Tiago was snappy in the centre, whilst Clive provided a good foil for Andy breaking forward. Dwayne also did his best to fill in two positions at once, teleporting from left-wing to left-back instantly like a footballing-Nightcrawler – but with worse hair.
Word should also go to all three centre-backs who were solid – Lee included, who needs to have a word with himself to stop breaking forward from the back – and Sam “Safe-Hands” Singer-Ripley, who rescued the team on three occasions – though sometimes, it seems as if he likes to put the team in trouble before saving them, just so he can brag about it afterwards. It’s a shame he doesn’t apply those skills to the tinder-dates who he inevitably friend-zones.
Anyway, it was a complete team performance from Merton 5s, who in the end were indebted to Andy Bitmead, in more ways than one.
Team (4-3-3): Sam – Delman, Steve B, Darren, Thomas – Anam, Tiago, Clive – Dwayne, Dulanie, Aaron B.
Subs: Lee, Aaron A, Andy.
Goals 5-0: Andy x3, Aaron B, Dulanie
Man of the Match: Officially a tie between Aaron B and Andy, mainly because most people were tired it’s always going to Andy. I thought Tom did well, however.
Dick of the Day: Nobody, though we were treated to NLT once again. However, Delman wasn’t keen on seeing the uncircumcised glory, so he ran out of the dressing room quicker than he breaks forward from right-back. The ref, though, probably deserves it for having a meltdown on the pitch.
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There were no late goals which we lost by, no last minute pull outs, noone called Joe (with or without beard) in the team and we WON, so you’d be excused if you are unsure if this really is a 3s match report. But it is!! And we won a game!!!
As DOTD for non football related issues I felt aggrieved at receiving this weeks vote. However as I sat down to write this report, I felt myself enjoying being able to report on a result which has been long overdue but more importantly completely deserved!
A wrong postcode given to Darcie to my own house wrapped up the DOTD nominations pretty convincingly although both Andy (power shot towards our goal) and Jordan (unforgivable foul throw) had some mentions during the voting process.
Hard rock was the official music of choice and Mustard took this literally during the morning’s bean ritual… the hard theme filtered through to the physical and mental attitude the team took into the game……
With a good warm up and the knowledge that we have been producing some really good football in 2017 we were ready for action.
The pitch was in good condition albeit a bit lopsided but the sun was low and was cause of concern.
We sent Mustard up to the toss with a clear instruction to shoot away from the Sun which he immediately failed to deliver and we were switched round.
Starting with a 4-5-1 formation we tried to get our passing game going putting together some real good passages of play. We identified that the flanks were an area we could exploit early on and Glenn and Andy along with the full backs provided excellent out balls with Glenn in particular getting in behind their defence on a number of occasions.
We pushed for an opening goal and apart from a brief 10 minutes where Vincenzo got done then faked an injury, asked to be subbed then quickly recovered from the embarrassment and was fine again….. we were looking very strong playing nice expansive football. A number of half chances came and went with Darcie somehow managing to head over from all but 2 yards.
0-0 at half time but we were on top and our first half performance meant that we knew the content of the half time talk. It was no different from the usual ……
“Well done lads”
“We can go on to win this”
“They are there for the taking”
“We have been here before”
Then a more in depth analysis from Fitz with his note pad which was a welcome change from the normal cliche crap we all say every week followed by Welchie repeating everything Fitz said! We were pumped!
We dominated the second half from start to finish and pushed immediately to get the important goal. With the Sun causing their defence problems(well done Mustard for losing the toss) we pushed on and grew in confidence.
The first goal was a thing of beauty… possibly the best team goal of the season.
Starting with a tactical substitution to put two up front with Mustard making way for Chris Papps. The ball broke down in with our left back, Jordan ‘Lad’ played it neatly into the middle then it was sprayed across to the right back, Dan pinged a peach of a ball 40/50 yards into Glenn who found space behind their defence. Their goalkeeper decided he was Neuer and tried to steam out being pipped to the ball by Glenn who sent back across the box for Papp’s second touch of the game and it couldn’t have been an easier finish. 1-0!
They responded with a bit of pressure resulting in some strong defending(fouling) and some good saves from our ever reliable Dan. We held strong and stuck to our passing game.
By this time Ricardo was annoying them and biting at ankles and we were looking comfortable.
A free kick just outside the box had Glenn’s name all over it and he stepped up and delivered a bit of a worldie/keeper should’ve done better free kick.
2-0!!! And now the party started… the lads on the side were cheering every pass, tackle, shot and anything else which helped push the guys on!
The defence done a great job keeping a clean sheet with some good old fashioned tackling going in proving we really work hard for each other!
This resulted in a bit of a scuffle as Wilsons became more frustrated. A bit of handbags after a very very soft tackle in the middle(still not sure it was a foul) was uncalled for but to be honest the ref missed a few on Saturday which could’ve resulted in the book coming out, A UFC move was put on Mustard during the first half resulting in a calm down chat to the oppo captain. Don’t worry mustard I got him for you!
It all blew over pretty quickly and we saw the game out comfortably.
The whistle went, it felt like
We won a cup, we celebrated like the happiest relegated team in history of football and enjoyed every minute of it…..
The boars now march on to somehow complete the greatest relegation escape ever. It’s not in our hands but we can do our bit in this league still!
If we play like we have been and get the luck which is due we can escape!! However much more importantly …. it is about keeping the amazing spirit we have alive and enjoying our time together! It’s strange that I have enjoyed this season so much considering the results but it’s been a good craic and one that isn’t finished yet!
MOM; Jordan
DOTD; Darcie for talking too much! Ok not really Neal D (again)!
One step beyond!!!!!! Da da daaaaa da da da da da!!!!
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With no Clowesy or Cookie, Joe Grew looked set to partner Pearcey at CB, only for a late call up to the 1s to scupper that plan. Rayner and Wilgo had already been moved to the 1s earlier in the week, giving the reserves squad something of an unfamiliar look this week. Mike Stone (a centre midfielder still battling the label of CB Gresty gave him 18 months ago) moved to CB in a back four of Murphy, Pearcey, Stoney and Welch, with Sherbs jetting in on the morning of the game from Antigua to reclaim goalkeeping duties. Big Dave Scott and (former) lucky charm Alberto started at CM, with DK and Ian Evans out wide. DQ and JT continued their always ever older forward partnership, with Emmanuel and new recruit Adam on the bench. A family full of eccentrics, some might say. Sadly, rumours of a Lofty return proved unfounded, but we hope to see him back soon.
DOTD: Connor Murphy, whose ongoing feud with the opposition winger saw the referee threaten to send them both to the children’s playground where they belong. I really wish he had, it would have been brilliant. An amateur league version of being sent to the stands.
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Merton 1-2 Carshalton
For a somewhat beleaguered 4s outfit, who’d won just once in their last 6 games, the prospect of table-topping Carshalton seemed a grim one – particularly after last week’s poor defeat to relegation rivals Old Wilsonians.
Nevertheless, a strong-looking squad diligently did their warm ups, waiting patiently for the men in green to arrive. And they waited. And they waited some more. Eventually they sauntered up the King George’s ‘turf’ 20 minutes late, protesting that they’d been sent the wrong venue by Merton’s fixtures secretary. Apparently the ref had seen evidence of this misleading email too. Merton were dubious (justifiably so in the end, as Mark Chappell later confirmed in the clubhouse). But it meant, at the time, that the Yellows had to let things be, and start the game at Carshalton’s leisure.
Perhaps that added extra inspiration though, because Merton started the game with a bang. With the sun and the wind at their backs, the hosts were simply all over the oppo. On a pretty poor surface, they were playing it on the deck, using the wings and barely letting Carshalton get a kick. Will’s return was hugely notable, and his impact was profound. And upfront, Mike Vogt was simply excellent, making incisive runs and putting in plenty of delightful through balls.
The breakthrough was fortunate, but no more than Merton deserved. A tame ball appeared to have been safely gathered by their keeper. But with barely anyone watching – other than a prowling Sonny – he coughed it up out of nowhere. A gleeful Sonny pounced, and slammed it home into an empty net. 1-0, delight for Merton.
The next 20 minutes were a contrast of high quality and frustration. Merton didn’t just carve out chances. They carved out great chances. Sonny later found himself one on one with the keeper on the edge of the box, but blazed over. Frankie, in a similar position, then forced an incredible save from their keeper. And then later Frankie found himself with a free header at the far post, but unfortunately steered it wide from point blank.
There were some other decent chances too, and on another day, Merton would have been out of sight. But failing to take your chances often can come back to haunt you, and it did so here just before the break – albeit in desperately unfortunate circumstances. An incoming ball was missed by both attacker and defender. Kieran, who initially took a knock, bravely got up and hacked away what seemed like a decent clearance. Sadly, it struck Will in the mid section, and ricocheted into the path of the Carshalton striker, handing them an equaliser on a silver platter. Outrageously unjust, no one to blame, but whichever way you cut it, the score was 1-1.
A disbelieving Merton trundled off for the half time interval, incandescent that their best performance in recent memory had yielded so little fruit. But now was the time to make it count. With the wind now in their faces, could they do it?
From the get go, the intensity never dropped. Yes, Carshalton grew into the game, began to enjoy the lion’s share of possession and spent the greater amount of time in the Merton half. But so solid was Merton’s shape, and so relentless was their work rate, that this scribe barely remembers Kieran having a save to make.
Yes, he had some good interventions with the occasional parry here and there, came off his line well; while Carshalton also skewed a few long range shots. But the best chance of all actually came at the other end.
Merton won a free kick. The delivery caused havoc in the area, with Mike eventually flicking it on to Dan Gridley, who was just a few yards out. Unfortunately with the rising ball on the bounce, his shot just cleared the cross bar, and it stayed 1-1.
And with about 10 minutes to go, the sucker punch came. A throw in was flicked on to a Carshalton player, but it seemed fairly harmless with the lad a good few yards outside the area. Alas, he lashed it home into the bottom left corner, leaving Kieran no chance at all. 2-1 Carshalton, and absolutely cruel on Merton.
But in keeping with their performance, they never gave up. With 5 minutes to go, a stricken Dom came on for Mike, as they threw everyone forward. And in the dying seconds, a through ball scuttled it’s way through to Sonny. He carried it forward into the box and was one on one with the keeper. Surely….
No. It just wasn’t to be. Sonny did everything by the book, sending it low and to the keeper’s right. But somehow, with perhaps the power of some Deity looking down, the keeper thwarted it.
And that was it. The final seconds ticked by, the final whistle went, and Merton had to leave the field digesting one of the most unjust defeats you’ll probably ever see. But they also did so with their heads held high. It dawned on them that they’d just outplayed a team who are running away with the league. This is how the Merton 4s know they can play. So can they do it in the rematch against Wilsonians next week? If they do, then three points will almost be guaranteed.
Team: Kieran Lee (GK), Ed Plaistow, Mike Todt, Chris Outred, John Gridley, Will Harrison, Akram Choudhary, Michael Vogt, Frankie Kaligorou, Sonny Kennedy, Aaron Loftus
Subs: Joe Plumridge, Dom Plumridge, Dan Gridley
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Old Thorntonians away 21/1/17
We turned up for this cup quarter final full of optimism. We were on the back of a good run of results and had a strong squad. Sadly it wasn’t our day.
The pitches were in very good condition but the frost made them very hard and probably only just about playable. As the cliche goes “The same for both sides” and certainly this wasn’t the reason we lost.
We started well and put Old Ts under a lot of pressure resulting in a serious of corners. Woody was sending in some good deliveries and eventually one was shouldered home by Chaz. We continued to flow forward and one particularly good move saw a great cross from Van that Jonny just couldn’t get on the end of. 2-0 with our backs up could of seen us run away with the tie but equally we could of easily prevented their two goals.
A poor clearance was followed by some poor tracking and then finished off with a poor tackle. A poor team effort. This left their, very unpleasant, left winger free to send in his cross. Unfortunately his cross turned into a fluke that sailed into the far top corner. A few minutes later and we were 2-1 down. A long throw was flicked on to their centre forward who had the freedom of the six yard box and he smashed home.
Then came a mad few minutes. Some handbags escalated from nothing into two people being sent off for punches in a matter of minutes. Both reds were entirely justified but out of keeping with the rest of the game. Once everyone had calmed down, their manager and bar man had left the pitch, the last five minutes of the half were played out with no further incident.
The second half consisted of us applying lots of pressure, but perhaps without too much invention, and Old Ts defended it very well. Despite our pressure we couldn’t find the equaliser and the game ended 2-1.
The result was compounded by the aforementioned very unpleasant left winger, who was their man to see red, spending the second half stood on the sideline abusing our players and offering to “smash in” anyone who answered back. An unnecessary embarrassment for Old Ts who other than him were a well organised, fair and hospitable club.
The poor result coupled with the red cards made for a pretty depressing afternoon which isn’t what we look forward to all week.
Onwards and upwards.
Line up: Siri, Kearnsey (TR 70), Chaz, Clappers, Rat, Sam, Woody (Tills 80), Tills (Jonny 60), Jonny (Browner 45), Bosh, Van
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Today’s results were pretty mixed, but the 1s led the way, getting back on the horse with an excellent 2-1 win over Ibis. Tilley and Elz with the goals after going 1-0 down. 2s had a day to forget, going down 4-0 with Sherbs MoM…Brilliant stuff from the 3s, who had an excellent 2-0 win at Old Wilsonians. The 4s put in an inspired display, going down 2-1 to table-topping Carshalton. A few chances went abegging, but a good performance. The 5s pulled off a comprehensive 5-0 win over HSBC, with Andy Bitmead smashing a hat trick. The 6s went down 7-2 to a strong Old Sutts team in the Cup. No game for the 7s this week. Well done all round chaps!
More pics from the day at Joseph Hood. Pic 1 features 1s mom Rat, captain and first goalscorer Tilley, and Elz the match winner! Good win lads..notably the 1s DoD Chris Rayner, not in the pic but has banked a quick pint for next week!
Twos Mom and DoD also pictured…Connor won Dod after being told by the ref to go and play in the childrens playground…a first….
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Today’s results (very belated).
The 1s unfortunately went down 2-1 in a ‘spicy’ cup game against Old Thorntonians. 2s pulled off a good 2-1 win, with goals from Jase Thomas and Andy Holder Ross. 3s went down 4-2 on one of the dodgy WCE pitches, while the 4s went down by the same score line on another. 5s, 6s and 7s games all called off on account of frozen pitches, and/or oppo failing to gather a team. Perhaps not the best set of results, but once again a good turnout at the Hood for apres footy.
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Merton FC Stats End of Season
