NAME: David Golding 

TEAM: 7s (Captain)

POSITION: 10ft circle in the middle! 

BIRTH DATE: 14/8/72

BIRTH PLACE: Fulham 

PREVIOUS CLUBS: how long you got?! 

 

---

 

1. Tell us who you are outside of the club. What do you do, how would you describe yourself?

 

Left school at 14 and became a blacksmith, started my own company in 1999 and have a great team working with me. 

Outside of work, been coaching kids football for 12 years on & off as well as running various football teams from under 18 to Vets.   

Unfortunately most winters I’m found falling down some remote mountain covered in snow with a board strapped to my feet, so I normally end up missing a fair amount of the season (or not depending on the uk weather!) 

 

2. How did you end up at Merton FC?

My good friend Steve Burchell had been asking me for a few years to join, but for one thing or another, could never commit. Finally the planets alined and he managed to get me signed up, only for him to get picked for a different squad… go figure!! 

 

3. What was your best moment in your MFC career till now?

Been a few in such a short time,  as playing in the 7s is an absolute blast, scoring in the same game as my son Billy in a friendly is one, but I would guess it would have to be scoring from ’48’ yards (apparently!) and made all the more better as I beat Malcolm to the shot! (And by all accounts it was Billy or got the assist) 

 

 

4. If you could play for a professional team,which would be it and why?

 Either Spurs (as I’ve been a fan since the early 80s) or Madrid/Barca (given the chance, who wouldn’t?) 

 

5. Do you have any pre-match rituals or superstitions?

Wore my socks inside out in a London schools youth tournament in the 80s, finished top scorer and we won the tournament, so oddly enough done it since. 

 

 

6. Lastly, share us your goals/expectations for the season.

 

As we’re the newly formed 7s and there wasn’t any expectations at the start, we as a team, believe we can finish top 4. Which would be remarkable seeing as we had no preseason or knew who played where and how! 

Goals, seeing as I’m now playing the holding midfield roll (sort of!!) I would be happy to finish with 5 (that’s including any goals for the 6s, friendlies & even own goals!!)  

 

---

RAPID FIRE:

Player of the season (at Merton, or in professional football): 

Merton – tough one, as there’s a core of regular players that are stand out ‘team players’, will play anywhere and not fuss when substituted or don’t start. 

Childhood Team: 

Spurs 

Favourite team in the UK: 

Spurs/AFC Wimb

Favourite team outside the UK: 

Madrid/Barca

Childhood Hero:  Paul Gascoigne

Favourite Food: Chicken & Rice 

Favourite Drink: Guinness 

Favourite Band: all depends what I doing. 

NAME: Charlie Hockless 

TEAM: 1s 

POSITION: Centre Forward 

BIRTH DATE: 18.02.1992 

BIRTH PLACE: Paris 

PREVIOUS CLUBS: PSG Academy, Rutland Fc 

 

---

1. Tell us who you are outside of the club. What do you do, how would you describe yourself? 

I am a senior analyst for a valuation/data company in the shipbroking industry. This basically entails providing data and valuations for financial institutions, owners and brokers within shipping. Outside of work I enjoy going out, going to gigs and watching sport. I’d describe myself as easygoing and always up for a laugh. 

 

2. How did you end up at Merton FC? 

Was a Nottingham Uni with Tom Rowe who, after seeing my finishing prowess at powerleague, said I should come down to Merton once back in London. 

 

3. What was your best moment in your MFC career till now? 

Probably coming on for my first appearance this season 3-2 down against IBIS, winning the foul for the equaliser then scoring an audacious first time volley from outside the box into the top corner to win it for the men in yellow with 5 mins to go, sending the away end (our subs bench) into raptures and celebrating with a double knee slide in the corner. Wish I could remember the celebrations in the Wandle after… 

4. If you could play for a professional team, which would be it and why? 

Chelsea. Spent my childhood idolising Gianfranco Zola, Jimmy-Floyd Hasselbaink, and Frank Lampard. Also to play for Antonio Conte would be an amazing experience. 

 

5. Do you have any pre-match rituals or superstitions? 

The no.15 shirt has been good to me this season, so I tend to grab that out of the pile as soon as possible.  

 

6. Lastly, share us your goals/expectations for the season. 

For the team- to end this season strongly. We’ve seen a huge improvement from last year and to finish in the top 3 or 4 would be a solid benchmark for future campaigns. Also to win our cup semi, I would love a cup final. 

Personally- to keep getting on the score sheet and to stay fit.  

 

---

RAPID FIRE: 

Player of the season (at Merton, or in professional football): Siri, he’s having a huge impact this season. In the prem– N’golo Kanté.  

Childhood Team: Chelsea 

Favourite team in the UK: Chelsea 

Favourite team outside the UK: PSG 

Childhood Hero:  Michael Schumacher

Favourite Food:  Pizza

Favourite Drink:  Guinness. 

Favourite Band/Artist: Action Bronson

Lloyds Warren 3s vs. Merton 4s SAL Minor Division 2 South Saturday 25^th February 2017

After last weekend’s impressive display at home against Bank of England, plus the return fixture back in January where we triumphed 9-2, we knew that another three points was the only result. Knowing this, we approached the game like any other, with the mind-set that it could go against us and we could end up on the losing end.

 

The focus was there as it was still mathematically possible to stay up depending on other results. We had to ensure that we won this game for that to come to fruition however.

 

We were without our skipper Mike Todt this week as well as Michael Vogt with John Gridley also missing through injury. We did however welcome back Ryan Burchell and Mikey Elgar.

 

We started the game well and we on the front foot from the off. Frankie was like a man possessed in the middle of the park, winning each and every ball that he challenged for and doing well with it when it was in his possession. He did so well in fact that he won a free kick on the right by-line. Aaron Lotfus stepped up from more than 30 yards out to bury the ball into the back of the net, something that he predicted the night before.

 

Not long after the restart were we able to double our lead through Dom Plumridge. After a ball into the box failed to be cleared from Dom’s initial effort, he buried it to the keeper’s bottom right at the second time of asking. 2-0 and cruising.

 

Not long after doubling our lead, Dom picked up a freak injury when claiming the ball after it had gone out of play. Our job was going to be a lot tougher without our talisman but we knew we had capable replacements on the bench. Jake replaced Dom in a straight swap.

 

It remained 2-0 going into the break and it was a lead that was sell deserved.

 

The second half started with the opposition opting for a change in keeper however this did not seem to change the outcome as we increased our tally by a further two goals with Dan Gridley scoring with a free kick from the left and Frankie getting on the scoresheet for the first time this season with a high looping effort from 20 yards that the keeper could do nothing about.

 

4-0 was the final score. A second win on the bounce however was not enough to stay in the league as Civil Service won. Unless Bank of England and Old Wilsonians loss their remaining games (both whom still have Lloyds Warren to play) we will be situated in Division 3 and facing back to back relegations.

 

Our league position doesn’t justify our performances throughout the season. We have been unlucky in most of the games we have lost. Next season you will see a more determined Merton 4s with only one aim…..promotion and a league title!            

 

FINAL SCORE: Lloyds Warren 3s 0 – 4 Merton 4s SCORERS: Aaron Loftus, Dom Plumridge, Dan Gridley, Frankie Kalogirou MOTM: Frankie Kalogirou

 

STARTING LINE-UP: Kieran Lee (GK), Ryan Burchell, Mikey Elgar, Joe Plumridge, Edward Plaistow, Frankie Kalogirou, Will Harrison, Chris Outred, Sonny Kennedy, Dom Plumridge, Aaron Loftus

SUBS: Dan Gridley, Jake Hewitt

NAME: Ben Cook

TEAM: Merton 2s

POSITION: Centre Midfield (NOT A CENTRE BACK)

BIRTH DATE: 23/11/85

BIRTH PLACE: Bristol

PREVIOUS CLUBS: Nailsea UTD, Clevedon UTD, Winscombe, Wrington Redhill, Clevedon Town Under 18s, Tickenham United

---

1. Tell us who you are outside of the club. What do you do, how would you describe yourself?

Architect (not very intellectual so took the wise route of drawing for a living)

Quiet and chilled out person during the week…..like having the odd night out but trying to slow things down in my old age.

Also thinking about joining Tinder as have never used it before.

2. How did you end up at Merton FC?

Moved to London 6 years ago from the countryside so didn’t really know many people so came along training and the red mist started from there.

3. What was your best moment in your MFC career till now?

Becoming friends with Ivan

Albufeira tour in my first season

Winning the league title with 2s

4. If you could play for a professional team, which would be it and why?

Not a team, but I think being in the England 1990s world cup squad would have been a dream to be part of

5. Do you have any pre-match rituals or superstitions?
   • Certainly not watching porn whilst eating beans on toast
   • Pre match motivational video to get myself fired up.
   • Always check my bank account to make sure I have enough money to cover a booking
6. Lastly, share us your goals/expectations for the season.
   Two games left…..win both and take it into the new season.

---

RAPID FIRE:

Player of the season (at Merton, or in professional football): Zlatan Ibrahimovic (unless DQ does something special at the weekend)

Childhood Team: Aston Villa

Favourite team in the UK: Man UTD

Favourite team outside the UK: Atletico Madrid

Childhood Hero: Superted

Favourite Food: Spaghetti Bolognese

Favourite Drink: Vodka & Coke

Favourite Band: Oasis

South Bank 3    Merton 5’s 1

So another week another report writer and can I just start by apologising to any one I fail to insult in this report. I like to treat everyone fairly so you’ll all cop it at some point and bear in mind I am old and have alchzeim….. alsimer……alchazel……….bollocks a poor memory this report will take the fashion of one of my arrest reports and be a complete work of fiction with no evidence what so ever!

The day started well we were nearly all on time changed and ready for a warm up but despite the jovial banter which we are used to there seemed to be a lack of focus, Aaron still racked with guilt over his night time fun and Delman pondering his last visit to Manchester where rumour has it he ate a sausage (cue 300 messages on the whatsapp group with gay GIF’S).

So against a side which beat us last time we kicked off with a strong side and a good bench ready in the wings.

Almost immediately with our first attack a tremendous strike by Aaron and it was 1 nil what followed was the most amusing goal celebration as he got clipped by the defender striking the ball he wheeled away in celebration he ran like a demented gazelle on steroids to the half way line and then collapsed in a heap. He had to be helped off but fortunately was unhurt and returned to the game later.  We have strength in depth not only did we replace him with a class player but we did not even have to change names as Aaron A came on.

I can summarise the next 40 minutes of football in a few short lines we had chance after chance after chance but there was more chance of Sam losing his virginity (with a girl) than of our strike force hitting the back of the net. We could not score in a brothel with a fist full of fivers!

D had one great unlucky chance with a volley over his shoulder,  Dwayne had a flying header that he did well to get to (the landing was something out of the pilots guide on how not to land) Aaron A lined up for a volley yes I thought I would bet my shirt on him burying that erm no high and wide and skins for me next week. Gibbo and D so often our saviours and reliable no no and no !

Darren and I looked at each other at the back and all those years of experience just commented to each other this was going to be one of those days! I hate being right (that’s why I don’t do it often ask Ryan)

The defence held solid with Josh, Delman, Darren, me and Lee our stand in goalkeeper for the day performing our duties admirably.

The midfield of Tiago, Clive, Dwayne, Aaron A and Gibbo creating and protecting the back four worked hard and D up front running for everything surely we would prevail. Half time came and despite being 1-0 up the omens were not good.

The second half started well to be honest they started the second half we were all a little slow (except Lee who had dashed off for a quick half time dump memories of Lehman peeing behind the hoardings).

Then disaster on the scale of the Titanic sinking or the great fire of London or not getting a slice of Pizza! With a wonder strike that he will never repeat their midfielder left Lee flapping at thin air and it was 1-1 bad times (Lee had no chance really please Lee do not put me down for NLT as revenge)

A short while later with South Bank doing most of the attacking and our game dropping to their level, we gave away a free kick outside the box. Lee lined up his wall the little Italian kid lined up his shot and curled it in 2-1 again lee no chance.

We battled hard and tried to get back in the game but the writing was on the wall (that’s the last time I want to see Josh with a spray can)

Their keeper was doing a better job of sweeping than I was he was quicker of his line than a man with irritable bowel syndrome who has been clenching for hours and just sighted a toilet!

Not really creating any chances this half for our strikers we should have had a penalty when D was fouled and a second when Aaron was pushed by the keeper but as he played honest stayed in his feet to shoot into the side netting the chance was gone. Most of us would have gone down like a stripper being offered a £10 (again another rumour about Delmans last visit to Manchester).  Clive came the closest heading narrowly over from a yard away.

A third goal followed for South Bank when their striker robbed Josh on the side line and made an individual run to score.

They brought on the mong for the last few minutes who changed the game completely trying to turn a nice game into a fight taking out Delman with telekinesis well he kept saying he did not touch him despite flooring him so it must be a super power!

Lee managed to shout at me to prevent the inevitable card that would have followed the tackle that was in my mind at the end of the 50 yard sprint towards the mong next time he got the ball (saved me a tenner cheers Lee)

The game finished 3-1 sadly.

Positives we created great chances in the first half and we defended well throughout beaten by three individual moments of brilliance. Results keep us in the top three and we will move on from this as we are a great team with good team spirit (vodka shots all round)

Negatives – bad day at the office for finishing across the team, and a little bit of niggling comments coming out remember no one intentionally mucks up we stand and fall as a team (Straight out of Sam’s book of inspirational comments along with go on son get in there she loves it)

Onwards and upwards and once again if I failed to insult you I apologise and here goes Lee (no you scare me) Delman what happens in Manchester stays in Manchester except crabs they come back with you!, Josh you lasted 90 minutes sick note, Darren you’ll edit this so no point (Darren: I only corrected the spellings & grammar, plus the bit about Clive missing from a yard), Clive erm no never insult the manager, Gibbo if you flick the ball again I will volunteer you for double NLT, Tiaggo you’re an inspiration annoying but an inspiration lol, Aaron A you should do a refs course, Aaron respect for Friday night which mates girl was it hope  he reads this! , Dwayne no Dwayne’s too nice to rip into but HAPPY BIRTHDAY! , and D no don’t fancy getting battered to death by the huge member he has (do you pay extra subs to bring that third leg on the pitch?)

Subs for the day Bambi great to see you back I cried when the hunters shot your mum, and lastly Annam I love your chocolate, erm no, I mean I love Cadburys not your personal chocolate, erm really I’m strictly hetro I don’t even like midgets!  Erm on that note see you all next week where I shall be wearing my body armour and expecting to be beaten senseless!

If you enjoyed this Steve B wrote it if you did not then Luke did it!

Not sure who man of the match was but my vote would be Lee for standing in as keeper and pulling off some great saves.

Merton moved down to 8^th in the table after a 1-0 defeat. This was the yellows 3^rd consecutive loss. Croygas, who are unbeaten in 11 games, were away at the hood and once again, like the 2-2 draw earlier in the season, it was a close contest.

The blues right winger, josh, scored a good goal when he got on the end of a great pass, beat Felix in pace and neatly finished it past Tommy. Merton looked like they were going to get a point out of the game when they held Croygas till half time. By the break neither side had many shots and the ball was being played over the top a lot. Merton dominated in possession but failed to get a shot away in the first 50 minutes. The defensive line for Merton was very strong and dealt with everything coming over the top apart from the goal.

Croygas played some good football and damaged Merton in the air with the tall centre midfielder Eddie. However, the second placed side in the league had to bury their chances and play the ball on the floor a bit more. The league is very much to play for and Croygas will believe they can get promoted as they are only 2 points behind Bedfont.

On the other hand, Merton could potentially face the battle of staying up if they lose their next match away at Brockham. The yellows lie 8^th and only 4 points ahead of 10^th placed Brockham.

Both teams deserved points today and Merton will feel hard done by. However they had their chances and most of them came in the last 10 minutes.  When croygas keeper Tom was off his line and it seemed like he forgot where the goal was, Jake Davies ran through the defence but shot straight at the keeper. Bradley also had a chance but was off balance and scuffed the shot. However, Bradley’s pace was hard for the blues defence to cope with and Jake, Yacob and Harrison kept a steady midfield.

Injuries seem to keep coming for Dan and Darren’s side and they will have to make do without a keeper for the rest of the season. A big game for Croygas next as they face Kingstonians. Man of the match for today’s game was Merton’s Tommy Arnold, who pulled off some great saves and stepped in for the goalkeeper position.

Old Blues Reserves 0 – 1 Merton Reserves

Merton returned to winning ways with a hard fought victory at Old Blues, courtesy of a late DK/DQ strike. Truth be told, it was not a dissimilar game to last week, featuring a lot of effort, some accomplished defending, not much in the way of goal mouth action, and a goal that could also be described as a big bag o’shite. Considering the game last week was vs the champions-elect and this week we faced the 2nd bottom team, it shows how closely matched this league is.

With Lofty arriving and then dropping out ill and Emmanuelle applying his now-standard disregard for meet times, the 10 players who were on time conducted an exercise in democratic formation selection. The varying merits of 4-4-2, 4-5-1, 3-4-3, and 4-4-1-1 were considered, before the choice was made to adopt a 3-5-2 designed to put legs at wingback in the form of Milo and Emmanuelle, and in the hope that giving Ben Cook his promised role in mf would bear fruit and minimise rage possibilities. Pearcey, Jordan and Connor formed a back three in front of Sherbs, with BDS, Cook and Rayner in the middle, and a DQ/DK frontline. Reassuringly, the home side only had 11 as well, so were all set for iron man football as the game commenced.

Merton almost struck from the outset as Milo released DK and his cross was close to being turned in by DQ. However, after this, the game became more attritional, or in more blunt terms the referee spent most of the half giving Merton free kicks as Old Blues idea of tackling was, shall we say, old-school. To compound matters, he would then almost immediately balance things up by calling Merton offside from almost every free kick he had just awarded. Frustrating. Occasionally, some football did break out, and it was Merton who showed glimpses of quality most often. In particular, Emmanuelle was finding space down his wing, and linking up with DK, and in particular DQ, to good effect.

One such move saw DQ almost in behind; with DQ, covering defenders and keeper converging, DQ’s squared header was deflected just behind DK or a goal would have been (mostly) certain. Big Dave Scott threatened next after more link up play down the left, but blazed wide after being set up on the corner of the 18 yard box. DK then span his defender following a cleared corner and looked set to gallop free down the left, only for a blatant shirt pull to end the danger as he was hauled down. The referee remarkably decided this warranted a free-kick, a fact no doubt noted by defenders on both sides for future reference. At one point Cookie was also crudely brought down by a sliding tackle from behind, before telling Connor to “leave it” as he came to protest. Merton were collectively stunned, and made a note to enquire (after the game) just who this player was and what he done with Ben Cook.

At the other end, Merton were largely looking comfortable at the back, with Connor, Jordan and especially Pearcey sweeping when needed and reading the game with aplomb. Ahead of them, the midfield three were working hard to close down space, with winger-turned-CM Chris Rayner throwing himself into Noble-Gresty-like tackles and headers like he’d played there all his life. There were a few scares from set pieces, but Sherbs didn’t actually have a save to make. 0-0 at HT, and Merton felt the game was theirs for the taking, if only they could turn their possession into some clear-cut chances. And not succumb to a set piece in the meantime.

For once, they were right. With Merton keeping the intensity level high, they remained the dominant team. Chances remained at a premium, with a free DQ header (over the bar) from a Rayner corner the clearest sight on goal for 30 minutes of effort. Old Blues continued to throw themselves into some questionable tackles, and their right back finally received the yellow card he deserved in the first half partway through the second, but were still failing to trouble Merton. It was definitely the sort of game where you felt one goal would be enough, and finally, Merton managed to take their chance and bag a winner.

First, great closing down won a throw-in deep in the opposition half. Connor slung the ball in and Dave Scott made enough of a nuisance of himself to knock the ball down. DK reacted first and hit what can only be described as a laser-guided trundler of a side-foot from the corner of the 6 yard box. It dipped, bounced, DQ and covering defender desperate lunged at it (to no discernible effect, although DQ claimed it brushed his foot), and then almost apologetically bobbled into the far corner. Literally unstoppable. 1-0.

With 15 minutes to go, Merton held out comfortably (for once) and the three points were theirs. An absolutely solid performance from players 1 to 11, with everyone working for the team.

Jordan bagged his first three point haul with the 2s and promptly hightailed it to Manchester to celebrate, leaving 10 to decide on awards. Ben Cook and Connor Murphy shared MOTM accolades, with Sherbs rather bizarrely picking up one vote despite not having a save to make. DQ was harshly voted DOTD despite putting in a heroic shift in terms of blades of grass covered, for reasons varying from the missed header to a flat “I just don’t like him”. Harsh, but the predator (with disaronno, no less) was brutally dispatched with aplomb.

This week, a new feature; player ratings. Well, performance descriptions to be precise. Everyone played their part and felt like this should be recognised.

Sherbs: Comfortable throughout, swept well when called for.
Jordan: Immense. Slotted into a back 3 like the old pro he isn’t and dealt with everything thrown at him
Pearcey: Composed throughout, reading the game brilliantly and captaining his defence (and the team).
Connor: What other epitaph befits other than relentlessly, remorselessly solid. At all times.
Milo: Worked his socks off for the team, covering when needed and providing a valuable outlet down the right.
Rayner: Tigerish. Never stopped fighting for the team.
Cookie: Protected the back four when needed whilst ghosting past midfielders when on the ball. Classy
BDS: All action display of no little physicality and chipped in with an assist.
Emmanuel: Offered threat down the left, supporting the strikers, and worked hard defensively.
DQ: Closed down the oppo relentlessly, effective at linking play, and won his share of challenges to boot as well. Inspirational. And apparently a dick. For the day.
DK: His usual mix of energetic closing down, misplaced passes and short-range goal-sniffing.

MERTON FC 0
Alleyn Old Boys 9
A poor day at the office. Alleyn’s with a much changed squad namely they had 14 players
available at the start rather than the 9 in the reverse fixture and they were looking for revenge.
We lined with a changed side and few changes of position which didn’t help as Alleyn’s started
strongly and were knocking the ball around well which had us under pressure and we couldn’t
create anything up front. We did manage to withstand the early pressure however after about
30 minutes Alleyn’s find scored and after that we struggled badly and were 4-0 by half time and
apart from one wayward shot had never really troubled Alleyn’s keeper.
The second half was as much about damage limitation as trying to win. Our cause wasn’t help
by a deflected 5th goal early in the second half. Whilst we did create a few more half chance with
Billy charging up the left wing, we rarely looked like scoring. Alleyn’s were to some extent scoring
at will. The final score was 9-0.
Some positives from the game in which the team didn’t gel, we did kept on trying to play
football and didn’t argue with each other.
Some strong performance from Dave in the captains roll as centre midfield ably assisted by
Adam with Andrew doing a lot running on the right wing. Tom and Jon T. both who came on as
substitutes in the second half. As the write I am not mentions the keepers and I do like chips!
Team:
Martin, Scott, Dan John K, Josh, Andrew, Dave, Adam, Billy, Malcolm and Dylan.
Subs: Tom and Jon T.
Man Of The Match – Tom with a couple of votes.
Dick Of The Day – There were no really mistakes on the pitch so it goes to Tom for forgetting his
shit pads and having to go a buy a new pair.

MERTON FC 0
South Bank 1
W e lost 1-0. The goal was an absolute bag o’shite, being as it was scored from a corner ballooned up into the air
and poked in during the resultant in-box melee with all the grace of Jason Thomas trying to reach down and touch
his aging toes during warm-up. Talking of JT, he didn’t last the match, winning a  50/50 battle after an hour but
sadly losing the injury war.
Such battles were a feature of a game that took place on a pitch more sticky than Jordan’s y-fronts after a night
with one of his ‘Scouse princesses’. Incidentally, Holder Ross, who was  involved in many a midfield ding-dong, has
a new princess of his own who he revealed was acquired in no small part thanks to liquid lubrication provided by
Messrs Quainton and Willgoss on a surprise meeting in Brixton a few weekends ago. AHR formed a midfield three
with Big Dave Scott and the unlikely but happy-to-run choice of the aforementioned Quainton. In truth, the best
player on the pitch was none of the three but, in fact, the opposition’s number 15, who gave them the runaround
most of the day.
Up top JT was flanked by Tom Benham and Dan Kelly, and the attacking trio provided a threat similar to that which
a pint of beer causes Man of the Match Conor Murphy: it looks and should be dangerous but the ease with which
he destroys it renders it somewhat effete. Murphy played with Pearcey, Alex Welch, and Jordan in-front of Sherbs.
None of the back five ever looked in trouble aside from set pieces which a) South Bank were pretty good at and b)
we looked altogether wobbly.
Shots on target? We had maybe two, one a 15-yard shot on the run from DQ saved by the ‘keeper’s legs, and the
second a Cruyffed flick by Benham that resulted in another smartish save. Towards the end of the match when
subs required the formation move back to a 4-4-2 we perhaps looked a little more threatening, but Storm Doris
probably caused more damage in the south east this week.
Not brilliant, then, but it were a lovely day out, and that’s key. The most lovely aspect was watching our usually
calm, considered and upstanding goalie raise his hands towards the goalscorer’s face after he ‘over-celebrated’
(claiming he’d been fouled in the build-up to his goal). Sherbs raised himself to his full 5 feet 3 inches and gave the
shaggy-haired pillock a little palm to the face. A yellow and DotD ensued. It should’ve been a red. Sherbs had a
Predator instead, with none of the swiftness of Conor Murphy, but I’m sure just as much enjoyment.

MERTON FC  0
Bank of England 5

Merton had won its two previous meetings against the Bank of England away this season going into
Saturday’s match and was looking forward to making it a clean sweep for the season.  The Captains of
both teams moved the game from the Hood to BoE’s pitch early in the week to ensure the game would
be played given the weather and conditions. In the league standings BoE trailed Merton by only two
points making this a must win for both teams.
Merton had their first real chance of the game when Van beat his man down the right side of the pitch
and delivered an angled pass backward from the BoE goal line to a wide open Nick in BoE’s box.  Nick
took a touch and shot but a BoE defender was there to block it.  Not long after Merton had a breakdown
on defense and BoE’s center forward flicked on a pass to their wide open right winger, who slotted it past
Siri from no more than 8 yards away. Siri had no chance.
Merton had another chance in the half when Vanny delivered a cross to streaking Johnny on the back
post, however, Johnny’s touch went straight to the keeper and Merton went into halftime down 1-0.
Against probably the weakest BoE side Merton had seen this season, they looked sluggish and played
poorly in the first half.
BoE’s second goal came off of a free kick from just inside Merton’s half.  Siri caught the free kick inside
Merton’s box but was fouled by a BoE player on his way down, and subsequently spilled the ball out to a
waiting BoE player, who scored.  The ref did not call the foul on the play.
Following BoE’s second goal, Merton played with a new spirit that created a few decent chances for
Merton.  Most notably, Johnny sailed a bouncing cross from Vanny over the bar from about 10 yards out.
Merton’s spirit did not last long and BoE’s third goal followed not long after their second goal. After BoE’s
third goal Merton pushed Clappers forward to try to muster some offense and salvage any last dignity
remaining, however, this led to a couple of BoE breakaways and meaningless goals four and five for BoE.
Saturday was a disappointing effort for Merton.
Playing in front of his father for the first time this season, Ivan’s dominance of BoE’s left back and
numerous crosses to Johnny earned him man of the match, while Kearnsey’s unprecedented three foul
throw-ins earned him nearly unanimous dick-of-the-day honors
With the loss Merton fell to fourth, one point behind BoE and five points behind Acton, who have a game
in hand.
 
Starters: Siri, Clappers, Brauner, Rat, Kearnsey, Nick, Sam, Tilley, Johnny, Ivan, Tom Row
Substitutions: Milo, James
 
MoM: Ivan Gladkow
DoD: Will Kearns