Author: Matt Haswell

Merton 5’s 0 – IBIS Eagles 6

Another Saturday another birthday, and this time Mr Milk Tray Hassan finally delivered on that box of chocs, well enough to feed 4 of the greedy Merton 5’s players.  Celebrations aside, illness, injury and outside commitments hit the team hard.  Tiago caught rabies from a dingo, Andy injured from excursions at a stag event the prior weekend (don’t play bubble football during the season), Bambi shot himself in the leg last weekend at 5-aside, Steve H locked in a sex dungeon in Manchester and Gibbo drinking from the furry stein in Germany.  Luckily Neal Davison and Dan Bilzerian stunt double Joe Squire helped us out.

We started slow and IBIS scored basically from kick off, attacking quick and outnumbering Delman down our right hand side.  The IBIS forward finished well, although Sam got a good hand to it.

This kicked us up a notch and tackles went flying in.  Unfortunately Dwayne was on the receiving end of a heavy 50/50 which put him out for the rest of the game, and probably a few weeks.  We attacked well and had a run of about 4-5 corners which Ackers delivered well.  One of which, Dulanjie bullet headered from the penalty spot and hit Clive solidly in the face on the line and was then cleared.  We knew it was going to be another one of those days.  Clive has agreed to stay out of the opposition box from now on.

Near the end of the first half, possession was conceded in the Merton half and IBIS capitalised despite Sam getting another hand to it.

Second half we started well and created a few chances.  Then injury struck again and Clive’s hamstring went.  We were then under pressure and conceded two quick goals.  More woe was added when Neal’s hamstring went as well.  The final straw was one of the players, who will remain unnamed performed a Houdini trick.  This left us in more trouble and conceded two further goals compounding the disappointing result.

Time to give Martin a break and the elected captain to step up this week with a match report…

Once again the game gets moved from the beloved Hood to the WCE, none the less, the talk of the week was the fixture and not the ground that the ‘war’ will take place on, yes, it’s the 6s v 7s re-match.

Both teams in need to get back on track after losing their previous games and having seeing the team selection (the 6s being slightly depleted),  the 7’s debated a game plan to match the 6s in formation, a untried 4-3-3 (much to Dan’s disappointment). Whilst needing a few of the 4s ourselves to make up the numbers, it was clear the 7s had revenge in mind.

The start was quite bright and a fair amount of exchanges took place, the 7s pressing early and getting in amongst the 6s midfield, manged to curve a few half chances, but it was the 6s who pressed and could have took the lead with a quick counter, only to see the shot go wide.

As the first half moved on, the 7s settled down and started to get a furher few decent chances in, John T down the left seemed to have to wait all day for the ball to come down after a cross from Adam sent him on his way, only for the shot to be far and wide, Scott and Malcolm both getting more of the ball from the midfield, rattled off some shots from distance which was handled well by the 6s keeper,

Thinking we had a good hand on the game, the inedible happens, the 6s breaking up play from their own half, managed to counter attack and slide the over energetic Peter in on goal, still having Dan to beat, manged to skip around and ride a few tackles and slot past Kieran in goal… Bugga, it was going so well!

 With Tom R playing centre mid, as opposed to the familiar centre back, and Adam on the right, the midfield duo was putting in a shift and trying to get the 7s back in the game, David however seemed to be having his own love in with Paul on the left and was chasing him around the pitch anytime he had the ball!

With less than 5 minute to go, the 6s defence left Scott out wide on the halfway line, a cleared ball from a 6s attack, left the defence standing with raised hands appealing for offside, but clearly Scott had thought this through and was standing inches inside his own half, sprung into life and gave chase of the ball, with electric pace and just keeping the ball in play, he checked back expecting to have company bearing down on him, only to see the 6s centre back in Mark, screaming like a banshee at the ref at its not fair, that he was offside and that his boot lace was in there half! The Ref not having none of it, waved play on and Scott, not needing to be told to play to the whistle had already at this point entered the 18 yard box and compose himself enough to slot past the advancing goalkeeper. 1-1. Game on…..!!

Halftime and tails up, the 7s congratulated each other on a good first half, and knowing how bad we are in the first 10 minutes of any second half, the captain and manager and everyone else was requesting calm and to keep it simple for the first 10minutes and build on the end of the first half…..

Second half, whistle blows, 6s kick off, long ball over the top, 7s defence and keeper are still debating if we said keep it tight for 10 minutes or 10 seconds…. 2-1!

Once again we are the master of our own down fall, rallying around trying to make amends, even though we are the same club, the tackles where flying in, good 50/50s followed by handshakes, it’s how the game is played, visibly the 7s tired, and the 6s forward line of teenagers started to make a difference, and with 15 minutes to play, Peter was once again there to seal the 3-1 victory and a worthy finish had his hatrick .

 

All in all, a very good, well-played game and well entertained the crowd of 3 on the side line, and with this victory, the 6s move ever closer to promotion and winning the second spot league. Good luck to the 6s, and the 7s will be back at it, trying to do there bit in the coming fixtures

 

Team: Kieran, Ryan, Tom J, Dan, Martin, Adam, Tom R, David ©, Scott, Malcolm, John T.

Subs: Noor (for John T) Chris (for Martin)

MOTM: Close call between the midfielders, but Adam, who seem to be enjoying the centre mid roll.

DOTD: Dan, who apparently had a hole in his pocket!

SATURDAY 18^th MARCH

JOSEPH HOOD – FROM 4.45PM LIVE IRELAND V ENGLAND, GAMES, BETS, FOOD & BEERS IN THE BAR.

 

 

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FRIDAY 14^th APRIL –THE LONG GOOD FRIDAY – JOSEPH HOOD – 11AM START (PROMPT)

The annual Long Good Friday Event returns at Merton, VETS GAME with the legends from Old West Citz, Merton X1 friendlies, YOUTH GAMES and SENIOR FRIENDLIES much more. Hot food + hot cross buns in the bar – with a good old drink and catch up to celebrate the start of Easter. Not one to miss!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

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SATURDAY 13^th MAY – 1PM to 10PM, Joseph Hood

Merton FC is staging its inaugural 5/6-a-side World Cup splitting all the members & teams up equally & fairly! There will be two pools, involving a group stage, semi-finals & final & a PLATE competition.

FOLLOWED by a BBQ & BEER!

ALL are welcome – please join the event page on Facebook to state your interest!

 

 

 

 

 

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SATURDAY 27^th MAY, AWARDS NIGHT & FA-CUP FINAL

AWARDS DAY & NIGHT AT MERTON FC, JOSEPH HOOD – 2PM START (PROMPT).

Inter club friendly, fish n chips, the fa cup final in the bar & awards.

Everybody welcome!

Due to the hood pitches being unplayable the big club league game today, 6s vs 7s was played at Wimbledon Common extensions. A very good game played by both team, good clean tackles and no agro. Final score 3 – 1 with Pete getting a hat trick, lucky for him club house was closed so no jug from him!! 1s played away to old Finchleians where 8 goals were scored, the game ended 4 – 4. 5s also played at extensions losing 6 – 0 to Ibis Eagles.

On a blustery afternoon at the Hood, Merton FC’s last game of the season was to follow on a day that coincided with a few Merton farewells and an end to a character building season on and off the pitch.
After an unusually indifferent season of highs and lows on the pitch, Merton were cheered on from above by one of our beloved boars who we lost this season (smiler boar) Nick P.
Our oppo got the better of us earlier in the season when the need for substitutes was ever so apparent. Merton had an almost full squad to pick from for the final home game.

Starting XI
Dan
Tony P
Vinny
Neal
Welchy
Ricky
Darcy
Mustard
Joe (with beard)
Denys
Glenn

Subs
Donno
Ross

A few familiar yet mainly absent faces back in the team for this one.

Merton started off the game from the kick off pressing high up and won the ball back from a Nottsborough start. The ball was collected in midfield and played out to Glenn on the right hand side of the area, a swift cross in to the box, and Denys was on hand 7 yards from goal to finish well in the bottom left hand corner to make it 1-0 to Merton within 30 seconds of the kick off. Good finish and pressure from Merton, and a finish to start the tempo for the first half for Merton.

Merton were pressing constantly and after a few challenges on the Nottsborough forward players early on, Merton had a lot of the ball and were spreading the play across the midfield and to the two forwards well.

10 minutes in, a ball in to midfield from defence was played out to the left wing, crossed in to the area to Darcy who stuck the ball past the keeper from 5 yards to make it 2-0. Merton cruising and playing great.

A few fouls were given by both teams (but mainly Tony P) as Nottsborough tried to keep the ball, and the Merton back line stuck together well. 25 minutes in, Merton possession, chances created, and not an opposition chance on target to note.

30 minutes in and more Merton pressure and pressing resulted in another goal. Great pressure from the Merton defence gave the ball to Ricky on the left wing, who combining with Mustard/Glenn, gave Ricky a sight at goal from 30 yards out. The keeper only slightly off his line, Ricky lobbed in an audacious effort (and screamed as if giving birth) over the keeper which nestled in to the side netting. Great strike, and rightly so a Merton bundle followed…

3-0 up and in complete control. Some say it was the handsome (and rightly so missed) faces that were back for Merton on the day, some say it was Denys’ relentless effort chasing down the Nottsborough back line, some even say it was the fear of being replaced by the fluorescent boot wearing, ‘pregnant’ substitute Donno that spurred the team on?! However a great first half from Merton and with a full team and all round commitment- showed us what the season could have been like had the personnel being consistent.

Second half and Ross and Donno were on for Denys and Joe (with beard).

The second half did not start as comfortably as the first half did. The Nottsborough players pressed higher up (possibly a last throw of the dice) to try and gain some momentum in the Merton half. 10 minutes of pressure from the oppo was dealt well with by the Merton back four. 15 minutes in and a through ball from Tony at right back was knocked through to Donno by Ross – as seen many times this season Donno has a tendency to think he is faster than he is – legs moving faster, and upper ‘torso’ area lagging slightly behind; the keeper came out of his area to collect the bouncing through ball. Donno managed to nick this past the keeper slightly in the air (or so he thought) until the oopo keeper decided to stop his effort, and handled outside of his area. Red card. Oppo down to 10 men. Free kick to Merton.

After a few minutes from the oppo complaining and Merton discussion on who to take the free kick, Glenn took responsibility. Most of the Merton teams’ pancakes on Tuesday night were as flat as this free kick – as Glenn confessed (whilst chuckling to himself) ‘errr – that was rubbish Tone’ – yes it was Glenn. Yes it was.

Shortly after a free kick given in Mertons’ half after Tony wrestled had their left winger to the ground and in the same movement pulled his shorts down – (great technique) – a Nottsborough attacked resulted in their centre half cuddling Neal violently, dragged him to the floor whispering sweet nothings’ in to his ear (who can blame him?!) – a free kick was given quickly and taken by Dan up field to Ricky. Through ball to Donno and those pink boots were deliberating whether to go to the keepers left, right, over the top – in the end a toe-poke through the keepers’ legs was good enough to make it 4-0. Good finish in to the bottom corner of the net.

The opposition at this point had their heads down, but kept bombing forward and trying to hold the ball up in the Merton half. Their forward intent led to a lot of chances for Merton to score more, as their back line was nowhere to be seen.

Ross had a great chance to make it 5-0 when a through ball from Donno with only the keeper to beat, smashed an effort off the post. Donno then had 2-3 chances to wrap the game up and… didn’t. Ball was won by Ross within the Merton half, edge of the area, squared to the opposite side of the box to Donno, Tony was free with an open goal in front of him – yet inexplicably gravity pulled Donno and his excess ‘muscle’ to the floor for the umpteenth time. An open goal or two from Donno were quickly forgotten about when the final whistle went on what was a great end to the season and showed a great team spirit throughout the team.

Great performance from the boars and no bookings (unbelievably)!

Best of luck to Donno on his new venture in Spain – last appearance for him in a Merton shirt and farewell to those pink boots…

4-0 home win.

Goal Scorers
Denys
Darcy
Ricardo
Donno

MOTM
Ricardo

DOTM
Dave ‘Dad bod’ Donovan

NAME: Alan Clowes (‘Clowesy’)

TEAM: Merton 2’s

POSITION: Anywhere across the back

BIRTH DATE: 14/06/1984

BIRTH PLACE: Carshalton

PREVIOUS CLUBS: Epsom & Ewell, Sussex Uni

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1. Tell us who you are outside of the club. What do you do, how would you describe yourself?

 

Outside of the Mighty Merton FC I’m a Catastrophe Analyst for an Insurance company by day, and a music loving, travel junky, football addicted dad to be by night. I also like a beer/love a Predator.

 

2. How did you end up at Merton FC?

 

I left Uni in 2005 and found Merton FC on the interweb. 12 years in I’ve probably only played about 3 full seasons due to injury, travelling and deciding to marry a Jock!

 

3. What was your best moment in your MFC career till now?

 

Promotion with the 1’s in my first season. Some very memorable characters in that squad and me as well. Closely followed by winning the Portugal Tournament a few years back. Still can’t quite believe Wellsey brought his bird. Genuinely shocking.

 

4. If you could play for a professional team, which would be it and why?

 

A Japanese one so I could win some headers

 

5. Do you have any pre-match rituals or superstitions?

 

Porridge with honey, banana and mixed seeds (type depending on what Lidl has in stock). This then helps oil the bowls for my pre game turn out. A Ryan Gresty cross country warm up was also a favourite of mine. Why save energy for a game when you can burn it all off in a warm up?

 

6. Lastly, share us your goals/expectations for the season.

 

To get some more games in before it ends after injuring my knee a month ago!

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RAPID FIRE:

Player of the season (at Merton, or in professional football): Merton = Connor Murphy – extremely reliable defender. Professional = Sam Baldock (Brighton FC)

Childhood Team: Cheam Warriors, Warren Mead FC

Favourite team in the UK: Norwich City

Favourite team outside the UK: Juventus – Zidane, Del Piero, Nedved. Need I say more?

Childhood Hero: Alan Shearer

Favourite Food: Lamb Jalfrazi extra hot

Favourite Drink: Anything with a golf ball in it

Favourite Band: Very difficult. Between Kings of Leon, Kasabian and Editors

NAME: David Golding 

TEAM: 7s (Captain)

POSITION: 10ft circle in the middle! 

BIRTH DATE: 14/8/72

BIRTH PLACE: Fulham 

PREVIOUS CLUBS: how long you got?! 

 

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1. Tell us who you are outside of the club. What do you do, how would you describe yourself?

 

Left school at 14 and became a blacksmith, started my own company in 1999 and have a great team working with me. 

Outside of work, been coaching kids football for 12 years on & off as well as running various football teams from under 18 to Vets.   

Unfortunately most winters I’m found falling down some remote mountain covered in snow with a board strapped to my feet, so I normally end up missing a fair amount of the season (or not depending on the uk weather!) 

 

2. How did you end up at Merton FC?

My good friend Steve Burchell had been asking me for a few years to join, but for one thing or another, could never commit. Finally the planets alined and he managed to get me signed up, only for him to get picked for a different squad… go figure!! 

 

3. What was your best moment in your MFC career till now?

Been a few in such a short time,  as playing in the 7s is an absolute blast, scoring in the same game as my son Billy in a friendly is one, but I would guess it would have to be scoring from ’48’ yards (apparently!) and made all the more better as I beat Malcolm to the shot! (And by all accounts it was Billy or got the assist) 

 

 

4. If you could play for a professional team,which would be it and why?

 Either Spurs (as I’ve been a fan since the early 80s) or Madrid/Barca (given the chance, who wouldn’t?) 

 

5. Do you have any pre-match rituals or superstitions?

Wore my socks inside out in a London schools youth tournament in the 80s, finished top scorer and we won the tournament, so oddly enough done it since. 

 

 

6. Lastly, share us your goals/expectations for the season.

 

As we’re the newly formed 7s and there wasn’t any expectations at the start, we as a team, believe we can finish top 4. Which would be remarkable seeing as we had no preseason or knew who played where and how! 

Goals, seeing as I’m now playing the holding midfield roll (sort of!!) I would be happy to finish with 5 (that’s including any goals for the 6s, friendlies & even own goals!!)  

 

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RAPID FIRE:

Player of the season (at Merton, or in professional football): 

Merton – tough one, as there’s a core of regular players that are stand out ‘team players’, will play anywhere and not fuss when substituted or don’t start. 

Childhood Team: 

Spurs 

Favourite team in the UK: 

Spurs/AFC Wimb

Favourite team outside the UK: 

Madrid/Barca

Childhood Hero:  Paul Gascoigne

Favourite Food: Chicken & Rice 

Favourite Drink: Guinness 

Favourite Band: all depends what I doing. 

NAME: Charlie Hockless 

TEAM: 1s 

POSITION: Centre Forward 

BIRTH DATE: 18.02.1992 

BIRTH PLACE: Paris 

PREVIOUS CLUBS: PSG Academy, Rutland Fc 

 

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1. Tell us who you are outside of the club. What do you do, how would you describe yourself? 

I am a senior analyst for a valuation/data company in the shipbroking industry. This basically entails providing data and valuations for financial institutions, owners and brokers within shipping. Outside of work I enjoy going out, going to gigs and watching sport. I’d describe myself as easygoing and always up for a laugh. 

 

2. How did you end up at Merton FC? 

Was a Nottingham Uni with Tom Rowe who, after seeing my finishing prowess at powerleague, said I should come down to Merton once back in London. 

 

3. What was your best moment in your MFC career till now? 

Probably coming on for my first appearance this season 3-2 down against IBIS, winning the foul for the equaliser then scoring an audacious first time volley from outside the box into the top corner to win it for the men in yellow with 5 mins to go, sending the away end (our subs bench) into raptures and celebrating with a double knee slide in the corner. Wish I could remember the celebrations in the Wandle after… 

4. If you could play for a professional team, which would be it and why? 

Chelsea. Spent my childhood idolising Gianfranco Zola, Jimmy-Floyd Hasselbaink, and Frank Lampard. Also to play for Antonio Conte would be an amazing experience. 

 

5. Do you have any pre-match rituals or superstitions? 

The no.15 shirt has been good to me this season, so I tend to grab that out of the pile as soon as possible.  

 

6. Lastly, share us your goals/expectations for the season. 

For the team- to end this season strongly. We’ve seen a huge improvement from last year and to finish in the top 3 or 4 would be a solid benchmark for future campaigns. Also to win our cup semi, I would love a cup final. 

Personally- to keep getting on the score sheet and to stay fit.  

 

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RAPID FIRE: 

Player of the season (at Merton, or in professional football): Siri, he’s having a huge impact this season. In the prem– N’golo Kanté.  

Childhood Team: Chelsea 

Favourite team in the UK: Chelsea 

Favourite team outside the UK: PSG 

Childhood Hero:  Michael Schumacher

Favourite Food:  Pizza

Favourite Drink:  Guinness. 

Favourite Band/Artist: Action Bronson

Lloyds Warren 3s vs. Merton 4s SAL Minor Division 2 South Saturday 25^th February 2017

After last weekend’s impressive display at home against Bank of England, plus the return fixture back in January where we triumphed 9-2, we knew that another three points was the only result. Knowing this, we approached the game like any other, with the mind-set that it could go against us and we could end up on the losing end.

 

The focus was there as it was still mathematically possible to stay up depending on other results. We had to ensure that we won this game for that to come to fruition however.

 

We were without our skipper Mike Todt this week as well as Michael Vogt with John Gridley also missing through injury. We did however welcome back Ryan Burchell and Mikey Elgar.

 

We started the game well and we on the front foot from the off. Frankie was like a man possessed in the middle of the park, winning each and every ball that he challenged for and doing well with it when it was in his possession. He did so well in fact that he won a free kick on the right by-line. Aaron Lotfus stepped up from more than 30 yards out to bury the ball into the back of the net, something that he predicted the night before.

 

Not long after the restart were we able to double our lead through Dom Plumridge. After a ball into the box failed to be cleared from Dom’s initial effort, he buried it to the keeper’s bottom right at the second time of asking. 2-0 and cruising.

 

Not long after doubling our lead, Dom picked up a freak injury when claiming the ball after it had gone out of play. Our job was going to be a lot tougher without our talisman but we knew we had capable replacements on the bench. Jake replaced Dom in a straight swap.

 

It remained 2-0 going into the break and it was a lead that was sell deserved.

 

The second half started with the opposition opting for a change in keeper however this did not seem to change the outcome as we increased our tally by a further two goals with Dan Gridley scoring with a free kick from the left and Frankie getting on the scoresheet for the first time this season with a high looping effort from 20 yards that the keeper could do nothing about.

 

4-0 was the final score. A second win on the bounce however was not enough to stay in the league as Civil Service won. Unless Bank of England and Old Wilsonians loss their remaining games (both whom still have Lloyds Warren to play) we will be situated in Division 3 and facing back to back relegations.

 

Our league position doesn’t justify our performances throughout the season. We have been unlucky in most of the games we have lost. Next season you will see a more determined Merton 4s with only one aim…..promotion and a league title!            

 

FINAL SCORE: Lloyds Warren 3s 0 – 4 Merton 4s SCORERS: Aaron Loftus, Dom Plumridge, Dan Gridley, Frankie Kalogirou MOTM: Frankie Kalogirou

 

STARTING LINE-UP: Kieran Lee (GK), Ryan Burchell, Mikey Elgar, Joe Plumridge, Edward Plaistow, Frankie Kalogirou, Will Harrison, Chris Outred, Sonny Kennedy, Dom Plumridge, Aaron Loftus

SUBS: Dan Gridley, Jake Hewitt

NAME: Ben Cook

TEAM: Merton 2s

POSITION: Centre Midfield (NOT A CENTRE BACK)

BIRTH DATE: 23/11/85

BIRTH PLACE: Bristol

PREVIOUS CLUBS: Nailsea UTD, Clevedon UTD, Winscombe, Wrington Redhill, Clevedon Town Under 18s, Tickenham United

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1. Tell us who you are outside of the club. What do you do, how would you describe yourself?

Architect (not very intellectual so took the wise route of drawing for a living)

Quiet and chilled out person during the week…..like having the odd night out but trying to slow things down in my old age.

Also thinking about joining Tinder as have never used it before.

2. How did you end up at Merton FC?

Moved to London 6 years ago from the countryside so didn’t really know many people so came along training and the red mist started from there.

3. What was your best moment in your MFC career till now?

Becoming friends with Ivan

Albufeira tour in my first season

Winning the league title with 2s

4. If you could play for a professional team, which would be it and why?

Not a team, but I think being in the England 1990s world cup squad would have been a dream to be part of

5. Do you have any pre-match rituals or superstitions?
   • Certainly not watching porn whilst eating beans on toast
   • Pre match motivational video to get myself fired up.
   • Always check my bank account to make sure I have enough money to cover a booking
6. Lastly, share us your goals/expectations for the season.
   Two games left…..win both and take it into the new season.

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RAPID FIRE:

Player of the season (at Merton, or in professional football): Zlatan Ibrahimovic (unless DQ does something special at the weekend)

Childhood Team: Aston Villa

Favourite team in the UK: Man UTD

Favourite team outside the UK: Atletico Madrid

Childhood Hero: Superted

Favourite Food: Spaghetti Bolognese

Favourite Drink: Vodka & Coke

Favourite Band: Oasis